Good grief. The Neverending Nightmare.

I take it back, it hasn't been 52 continuous years of her chaos.  Her second marriage lasted about 20 years, with a 2- year separation midstream.  Her DH#2 is/was a saint so I'm sure he absorbed most of her dysfunction.  She had 2 kids with him, both are estranged from her with that daughter, M, vocal about keeping SD away from her kids 

So, for my part, we had the early years of our marriage, say about 6 or 7 years, with her moving in and out 2 or 3 times.  I think she really wanted to live with her mom but between their ugly fights and BM's new DH, it never worked for long.  Once she got out of high school, she went to cosmetology school then married DH#1 and had her daughter, C.  Things were quiet for the couple years they were married then she was back here for about a year til DH#2.  Then, the 20 years with DH#2, then evictions from 2 apartments til she landed here for a year.  By then, drugs were an issue, that hasn't been the case in the past.  So, combine her poor judgement with drugs and nowadays, she's worse than ever.  And, now she's close to being homeless, has terrible health and has burned bridges with everyone.  

So, actually it hasn't been 52 years at this level and I think DH absorbed many tearful phone calls during my working years.  But now that we are here together all the time, I'm getting the full volume, especially now that he's unwilling ir unable to answer his own phone.

Last edited by JRI (10/28/2026 1:02 am)

I just want to say I’m so sorry for what you are having to deal with in senior years. Big hugs.

I’ve been out of town and caught up on your posts. JRI, I say this with all love, respect and compassion. Something needs to be done with your SD. Her behaviors are elder abuse. You deserve some peace. Whether that’s the other adult kids standing up to her or banning her from your home, you should really think about putting her on full stop. I’d even demand supervised visits with her father because she is constantly conning him out of money.

I follow your story closely because I have several of your “SD’s”  in my world. I can see them trying to do this to their dad. Again, big hugs. Your SD and I are the same age. SMH

As to the hotel, my guess is a shelter (unless she convinced someone to pay for a hotel). Shelters here have outreach workers, who she may be calling a social worker.

Hopefully, she actually has a social worker. SD65 may not like the solution the social worker finds for her, but unless she can rope someone into housing her, she'll have to take it.

As to telling DH about her request, I'd mumble it as an aside while he was distracted. Then I could legitimately say I told him. With my DH's memory issues he'd never remember if I did or didn't. My goal is to keep as much of his kids' current mess (and they both have one) away from him as I can. There is no actual way for him to help.

Update:  SD65 is apparently in a hotel room provided by some type of social service.  Todays EMERGENCY text says she has to be out by Monday.  She says they're calling daily to see if she's out.  That's actually good news, if true, it means some kind of social service has her on their radar and I doubt they'll put her on the street.  If any of you are familiar with this stuff, please let me know.  Thanks.

I hear (via the kid grapevine) she's in a shelter and has to be out by Tuesday.  She got her monthly disability today so that should help her figure something out.  I also heard her exDH1 towed her car to his place and will repair if C, his and SD's daughter, promises to keep SD out. It's poignant that he is shielding C, exDH2 is shielding his 2 kids and I'm shielding DH.

Yesterday, I was stressed out from the SD calls which I didn't answer and texts which I read.  I called my DD for moral support, having trouble with the idea of blocking SD.  She made me realize that if something drastic happens, we will still hear about it even if I block her calls which, frankly, are starting to feel like harassment. She also relayed the contents of a call she had with the police about the whole situation  The police lieutenant even called her back to get more details, says he takes it seriously.   I tried to block but unable so when my DS comes Tuesday, he will help me.  In the meantime, I'll continue no contact.  I'm feeling better 

I'm trying to think of any other buffer.  Blocking her will eliminate the calls and texts and she has no car so can't show up on her own.  She knows I will call the police if she shows up.  My fear is she'd get somebody to drive her over here.  If anybody has suggestions, I'm open to them 

Like the poster you mentioned, my DH would welcome her, listen to her sad story, give her cash and ask me if she could move back.  That's what's happened the last few times.  One upside to dementia is he's not really thinking about her, as far as I can tell.  

Yes, I'm doing those things.   Every time my DS comes, it seems he's installing another security device.  Yeah, my DS and DD are upset.  My DD only lives about 10 minutes from here so that's comforting, my DS about a hour away.  Even my SSs are concerned.  OSS is a little removed from it, has his own probs.  YSS, tho out of town, is in pretty frequent contact with DD.  He's friends with SD's ExDH2 so gets info.  The grapevine is active 

Last edited by JRI (Yesterday 6:31 pm)