It's so annoying to have to lock doors because people lack boundaries. 

To my surprise, Morning Mia, we haven't heard back from her.  DH89 asked once, after his nap that day, if she'd called.  He hasn't asked since.  Good idea to ask him whether he wants me to always "forget".  I'm going to see what happens here.

That text doesn't necessarily require a response. You could've asked your DH and he forgot. Or he was napping when you received the text, life happened, and it slipped your mind. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anything I've ever said to her these last 54 years has gone in one ear and out the other.  She makes a convincing appearance of agreeing, might even shed a few tears, then does what she wants.  I predict if I say, "Stop asking us for money" she will agree.  Then at some future date, she'll call again for another "e!mergency".  One of her favorite phrases lately is, "I know taking care of Dad is a lot and you're overwhelmed and don't need to hear my problems but .....(extended discussion of her current issues)".

That's why I'm choosing silence right now.  Any interaction with her results in some kind of opening for her.  I could say, "He's given you $1000 this past 3 weeks"   That would set her calculating how soon she could ask again (time interval) or how much possible (he did $1000, must be able to afford that next time).

I keep thinking "hit bottom then pull yourself up" but I don't think that works with her.  Usually, her response is some kind of further self-destructive act, like increased drug use or a medical emergency.  In other words, help me, Dad.

Last edited by JRI (Yesterday 12:02 pm)

Perfect!  If/when I ever see her again, I'll do it!  I had luck in one of my last texts with her daughter, C, who texted and asked me to call a few weeks ago.  I sensed a problem so I told her I'd call but that I was totally overwhelmed myself.  She backed away, saying she was only calling about a resume I'd done for her in the past.  So, I didn't call.   Oddly, she never brought up the (alleged) to the resume prob again. 

dollbabies wrote:

Is there some cosmic law that says it’ll never actually be over?

Because I really thought JRI and MorningMia had solved their problems in a masterful way and then BLAM! Chaos reigns.

I think that in most cases, as long as there are the levels of toxicity many/most of us have experienced in these situations, that toxicity won't ever disappear; at most, it will just morph into something else less blatant--and it's all about how we handle it (well, avoid it). But, yea, the husbands have to be onboard. 

What I learned through our last "incident" is that my husband is still "trigger-able" when it comes to his kids. And I think that's what they want. I think their link to him is how much, how well, they can manipulate him -- emotionally as well as financially. I think that's all they have with him, which is actually sad. It's how they were raised. I also believe that they will always be mommy's little soldiers. And Bitter Mommy still has bones to pick. 

So, DH can step into that big sinkhole and be really angry about swimming around in the muck, which initially seems to appear to be like cake frosting to him. Then he gets depressed and angry. 

Things are fine with us now. I don't know if it's out of regret or guilt or what, but DH has been much kinder and more "here" since his blow up after his last visit with SD. I never did learn what the exact trigger was. I probably don't want to know. But, like you mention, I recognize this doesn't fully go away no matter how far away we live or how strongly I have cut off from the skids. 

These kinds of things/behaviors/emotions run deep, and I think I was naive in thinking that ingrained patterns would completely change through the years just because I wasn't face-to-face with it. So, all I can do is be sure to protect myself.