Welcome!!!
October fun facts
https://www.almanac.com/content/month-october-holidays-fun-facts-folklore
#cc6600
1 of 1
- JRI
- Member
Online!
SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
SD65 hit DH89 up for $300 Monday, allegedly for tires. I naively thought we'd be done with her $ calls til next month but no. I got a text and 2 phone messages today asking me to have DH89 call her. I remembered your advice to " forget". After thinking about it a couple hours, I told DH she called, he said she probably wants $ (duh). I said are you okay with me "forgetting" to tell you? He said okay.
So, stay tuned, I'll let you know how she ramps it up in the meantime, I locked the doors.
- Aniki-Moderator
- Aniki-Admin
Online!
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
It's so annoying to have to lock doors because people lack boundaries. 
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline 
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
There's something very freeing when we change our behavior around toxic people. It's a way of taking care of ourselves. I LOVE that you will be forgetting to tell DH that she has called. I hope he never answers the phone.
Next question for your DH: "Can I tell her you said no more handouts?"
Last edited by MorningMia (10/16/2026 5:46 am)
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- JRI
- Member
Online!
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
To my surprise, Morning Mia, we haven't heard back from her. DH89 asked once, after his nap that day, if she'd called. He hasn't asked since. Good idea to ask him whether he wants me to always "forget". I'm going to see what happens here.
- •
Thread Starter- JRI
- Member
Online!
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
She texted again asking me to have DH89 call her. I'm ignoring again. Various responses are going thru my head like "This constant requesting for $ is elder abuse" and "I'd hate to have to call the police about your elder abuse cuz that would be a problem with all your outstanding warrants" but bottom line, I just don't want to interact with her and replying would open the door.
- •
Thread Starter- Aniki-Moderator
- Aniki-Admin
Online!
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
That text doesn't necessarily require a response. You could've asked your DH and he forgot. Or he was napping when you received the text, life happened, and it slipped your mind. 🤷🏼♀️
- Kes
- Member
Offline
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
I think accusing her of elder abuse, might be escalating things a bit too much. I would say something like - please stop forever asking us for money. Would she take any notice? Probably not. 
- JRI
- Member
Online!
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
Anything I've ever said to her these last 54 years has gone in one ear and out the other. She makes a convincing appearance of agreeing, might even shed a few tears, then does what she wants. I predict if I say, "Stop asking us for money" she will agree. Then at some future date, she'll call again for another "e!mergency". One of her favorite phrases lately is, "I know taking care of Dad is a lot and you're overwhelmed and don't need to hear my problems but .....(extended discussion of her current issues)".
That's why I'm choosing silence right now. Any interaction with her results in some kind of opening for her. I could say, "He's given you $1000 this past 3 weeks" That would set her calculating how soon she could ask again (time interval) or how much possible (he did $1000, must be able to afford that next time).
I keep thinking "hit bottom then pull yourself up" but I don't think that works with her. Usually, her response is some kind of further self-destructive act, like increased drug use or a medical emergency. In other words, help me, Dad.
Last edited by JRI (Today 12:02 pm)
- •
Thread Starter- Aniki-Moderator
- Aniki-Admin
Online!
Re: SD65 - I was wrong, the $ didn't last til next month
"I know taking care of Dad is a lot and you're overwhelmed and don't need to hear my problems but .....(extended discussion of her current issues)".
And that's when you need to be firm instead of kind, interrupt, and say, "You're right, I don't need to hear your problems. Thanks for understanding." Then start talking about your own problems. Dry skin, poor arch support in your favorite shoes, 1-ply toilet paper at the doctor's office... The goal is to shut her down. If she starts crying, channel your favorite actress, put a quaver in your voice and tell her it's just too much for you to deal with at this time. Cue a little hiccuping sob and tell her in a choked voice that you need to go. Shut her down.
1 of 1