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- done with the high road
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Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
Good Afternoon. Lake Time is almost here for us. Preparations have been in process for a year. I have successfully held my utter irritation to myself. We are a blended family and including spouses have (13) adult children and almost (15) GKs. I am truly blessed with the little ones.
Our long lake trip is my long life's tradition. I have planned my heart out and always try to accommodate everyone equally. I have a hold on an extra cabin this year. I just needed an interest and I would pass along the information and the option to book. This extra cabin is very affordable at ~$145/night/family. I finally got the courtesy of a response from my SD with family of (6). "We can't afford that on our own, so we will have to stay in your cabin". I absolutely would understand that if I hadn't done my research lately. You see, she had hair extension implants recently. Average cost $1500. She has recently started taking Ozempic at $325/week. She's already tiny at 5'2" maybe 120 lbs. I just don't get it. I do hate to judge but financial decisions like that don't even enter my mind.
- StandingStrong
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
Oh well. Sorry, SD. Our cabin is not available. We will miss you this year.
After 20+ years in Step Hell, I’ve set my boundaries and expectations and I do not waver.
Last edited by StandingStrong (4/27/2026 4:21 pm)
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
StandingStrong wrote:
Oh well. Sorry, SD. Our cabin is not available. We will miss you this year.
After 20+ years in Step Hell, I’ve set my boundaries and expectations and I do not waver.
That would be my boundary!
- ESMOD
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
I agree with the response.
"Unfortunately, we aren't able to host your family in the cabin.. You are free to look for other options that might fit your budget if the cabin I suggested doesn't work for you... if you can't make it this year due to finances.. we will understand"
- ImperfectlyPerfect
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
Yes keep your peace and sanity - your cabin will be your sanctuary. Be good if DH was the one to declare the news rather then good ole' stepmom. DH should pass this written statement along.
- Merry
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
Sometimes the high road is a climb right up the face of a mountain. Nah.
Where is everybody else staying? If your cabin is big enough for everybody else but not her family, others might be willing to take (or share) the smaller space. I wouldn’t want to stay with that many people, even if my own family, so I’d volunteer.
Self indulgence is always more important to people who never learn that they are not in fact the center of the solar system. It’s tiring.
- JRI
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
First of all, I agree. So sorry, SD our cabin won't work or you.
But, playing devil's advocate, everybody has their financial priorities. I'm sure my family hasn't always understood mine and I certainly don't understand theirs. It's just reality. Vacationing with you and DH isn't high on SD list. I understand it has a lot of meaning for you, though. So, enjoy what you have and let it go in peace.
- Rumplestiltskin
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
“It’s just 6 more people, you won’t even notice we’re there!”
Lol. Just no.
- MorningMia
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
Oh well. Sorry, SD. Our cabin is not available. We will miss you this year.
After 20+ years in Step Hell, I’ve set my boundaries and expectations and I do not waver.
Listen to SS!
So much of our (and I DO include my "old" self in this) behavior seems rooted in not wanting "to be mean" or look like the bad guy when, no matter what we do, they will make us out to be just that. SD is not the commander of all. SD is not your boss 
Sorry, SD.
I read a meme about this several years ago:
Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself
It doesn't make me mean, selfish, or uncaring because I don't do things your way
I care about me, too
It took me a long time, and it was a struggle, but I stopped tiptoeing around a-holes. The worse of an a-hole they are, the worse they take me not bending over. Yes, some hate me for it (including, especially my SD). Oh, well.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- ESMOD
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Re: Priorities of self indulgence over family fun
The only other somewhat compromise you might entertain is that if your DH gives her family a decent amount for christmas.. the response could be.. Well, DH can pick up the tab and it will be your family present this year... that is absolutely if it is 1. affordable, 2. in line with his typical gifting that he makes (and you make to your own bio family) 3. You would be able to tolerate them being present.
If you don't want them there.. then the "oh.. so sorry we will miss you" is best.
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