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- Kes
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Married to a man with undiagnosed autism
Not strictly the topic although it could come under the heading of resources. I noted that on Step Talk, a lot of women talked about their partners being on the spectrum - as was my first husband - and I thought this very good article might strike a chord with some of you, it did with me - especially the section about birthdays.
- Winterglow
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Re: Married to a man with undiagnosed autism
A friend's daughter was "diagnosed" (by a teacher ...) dyslexic at age 8 because she couldn't spell. So she looked into the situation via specialists. Turned out that her daughter wasn't dyslexic at all. So what about all the misspellings? Well, her daughter just felt that the words were prettier written like that.
- BanksiaRose
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Re: Married to a man with undiagnosed autism
I don’t know, I think a lot of us look for a diagnosis to validate our suffering - the diagnosis for the other or for self. Our suffering is valid regardless of the presence of a diagnosis, and sometimes the abusive person is just a garden variety abuser, and there’s nothing wrong/diagnosable with us, having to live in an objectively miserable situation and feeling miserable.
Last edited by BanksiaRose (9/01/2025 8:23 am)
- Rags
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Re: Married to a man with undiagnosed autism
BanksiaRose wrote:
I don’t know, I think a lot of us look for a diagnosis to validate our suffering - the diagnosis for the other or for self. Our suffering is valid regardless of the presence of a diagnosis, and sometimes the abusive person is just a garden variety abuser, and there’s nothing wrong/diagnosable with us, having to live in an objectively miserable situation and feeling miserable.
arsehole is not a condition. It is a choice. Overcomplexity is also a choice. The amount of effort that goes into making things overly complex with chasing some "reason" AKA excuse, for crap behavior is mind boggling. Just call it what it is and call them what they are and get on with living well.
Calling the arsehole an arsehole, bring escalating abject misery to bear on them, they fix their crap or they suffer. Is a far simpler position to take than the never-ending search for an excuse for their crap. Or our own for that matter.
While suffering is valid, no one has to suffer, be miserable, or live a life of less than. Those are all choices.
IMHO of course.
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- BanksiaRose
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Re: Married to a man with undiagnosed autism
While suffering is valid, no one has to suffer, be miserable, or live a life of less than. Those are all choices.
That’s a good point too.
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