Lol. Some gene pools should not be propagated.  The Diablas' among them.

While cerebrally I understand how your DH may be disappointed at not having GKs, that perspective does not strike a chord with me.  I am proud to be my Skid's dad.  I have zero anything over not having GKs.  Nothing.  Not a thought. Not a disappointment. Not a fee fee. Nothing.   Though if my son should choose to be a father, then great. I would be for my GKs the GP equivalent of what I am to my son as his father.  Not a drive or need that I have. However, if I am in, I am all in.  As a SParent, as a spouse, etc...  My choice is my responsibility to deliver on.  So, that is what I have done as my bride's husband, and my kid's dad.

Had I not met my bride and become my son's father, I am confident that my perspective on parenthood would be the same as my perspective on grandparenthood.  I love kids. However, I have zero core drive about them or need for them from a procreation perspective in any capacity.  I do not see kids/GKs as some sort of soul fulfilling experience. 

As for BM's dissapointment in her life....... That could not happen to a more worthy person.

.

Last edited by Rags (2/03/2026 10:53 pm)

"However, if I am in, I am all in.  As a SParent, as a spouse, etc...  My choice is my responsibility to deliver on.  So, that is what I have done as my bride's husband, and my kid's dad."

Rags, I admire your dedication to your family. This sums up what I have admired most about you here on ST. 

I don't get men that need to pass on their DNA in order to feel like they have a legacy. This seems to be more common in men than women.

I would be happy to have bio grandchildren because I enjoy children and because should they chose to do so, I want my own children to have the experience of parenthood, not because I need them to make me feel like I've left a mark in this world. 

I am also a loyal person but I have learned to expect the same in return. 

Meera wrote:

"However, if I am in, I am all in.  As a SParent, as a spouse, etc...  My choice is my responsibility to deliver on.  So, that is what I have done as my bride's husband, and my kid's dad."

Rags, I admire your dedication to your family. This sums up what I have admired most about you here on ST. 

I don't get men that need to pass on their DNA in order to feel like they have a legacy. This seems to be more common in men than women.

I would be happy to have bio grandchildren because I enjoy children and because should they chose to do so, I want my own children to have the experience of parenthood, not because I need them to make me feel like I've left a mark in this world. 

I am also a loyal person but I have learned to expect the same in return. 

Thank you Meera.  I have loved being my bride's DH and my son's dad.  That being what it is, I have never had a deep spiritual soul and life fulfilling need to have BKs or GKs.  Had it happened, I am sure I would have loved being dad/granddad to that/those kid/s.  I have missed nothing.  I have no regrets.

Take care of you and live well Meera.  I hope that your Me-era is amazing. 
 

MorningMia wrote:

It's interesting how messed up so many of our skids are . . . we have just been part of the collateral damage in their lives (except we have for the most part escaped the "damaged" part). They are screwed up people--not only poor CODs with step mommy issues--many/most with similar life stories. 

I used to say about BM back in the day, "She's like a big truck running over people, churning them out,  dumping them along the road, leaving a wave of injuries behind her."  Yea, too bad these types breed.  

 

You are spot on that we are collateral damage in their lives. SD's have been trained, mostly by BM, to be the way they are. It didn't just happen on it's own. Your big truck description fits BM.

Funny enough it also describes my kid's bio-D. The difference is that I showed up and I put in the work to help my kids pick themselves back up and find a different, healthier path.  I continue hold a place of support and safety for them even though they are now young adults. So many of these disney dad's wear rose colored glasses and can't be bothered to do what it takes to change things. It's not easy and it takes time, work and patience. You have to be willing to let them experience the consequence of their own choices and behaviors while still giving guidance and love. 
 

Sounds like the Animal Torturer SD27 who has most likely burned her bridges with all the local landlords in town and has moved back with family.

ImperfectlyPerfect - "...make sure the rules are in place but if they don't (procreate) consider yourself lucky not to have to cross that rubicon."
 
Crossing the Rubicon.  What a brilliant historical reference applied to the need for boundaries and defending hills to die on with noxious failed family toxic baggage in a blend situation.

Never cross the Rubicon of tolerance for unreasonableness from the baggage. Ever. For any reason. Regardless of who or what that baggage may be.  It is rarely easy but is it is critically necessary when living life in a baggage heavy blend.  IMHO of course.

Take care of you. 

Last edited by Rags (2/06/2026 3:26 pm)

Tales of the diablas always give me laugh…. Naturally… everyone else’s fault for her couch surfing at 27… not her own life choices… of course not…. THEY ARE NEVER AT FAULT.

I haven’t blogged much…not too much tell other then I still don’t speak to SS22. No one in the house really does…. Why…

He supposedly wants to “fix” things with everyone in the house but YET makes zero effort to do so…

My theory….he isn’t doing this consciously… but because it’s finally effecting HIM that no one in the house likes… he still doesn’t care about who we are as individuals… Otherwise… maybe… there would actually be an effort….

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I have StepGSKIDs and the adult SKID and partner made it fundamentally clear that I am NOT family. The irony is the clean line has allowed no ambivalence in my role and frankly I have found it relieving to have no involvement- I don't have to be event planner, present giver, financial provider - I literally do not have any of the problems I thought I would inherit because they have chosen this "punishment." The clear line in the sand goes both ways. If they would have created a more gray situation I would have been wringing my hands, recieving DH updates that we need to help them, and I'd be turning out full vacations to Disneyland because that's the MOST PRECIOUS place on earthy and adult SKIDs LOVE the mostest. I am so very very glad it has been so very clear - they literally can't come to me for everything because they made the rules. I LOVE IT. I never thought I'd say it but living in limbo, attaching to a child that could be snatched away if you don't do exactly what the parents demand and throwing good money away just doesn't seem to fit my lifestyle these days. 
If diablas do procreate for some reason be ready to make sure the rules are in place but if they don't consider yourself lucky not to have to cross that rubicon. 

This. I told DH I am not doing a repeat of the skids, having carrots swung out in front of me, me playing the game and buying things and feeling concern for them, etc., only to receive backlash, rudeness, and be reminded that I am not family. Hell, DH doesn't even feel like family when he's gone there and SD's weirdo rude in-laws are present. 

SD is pumping out her fourth child in five years (four young children in addition to an adopted troubled teen related to SD's  good-for-nothing husband). After getting a passive aggressive smack-down related to the baby shower for the first one (I just sent gifts; did not attend), I said, "No more." It IS relieving not to know the "little darlings." I've noted that even DH has stepped back. He either no longer receives the daily carrot-swinging videos of the little ones or he no longer tries to shove them in my face because he gets little reaction. We never talk about the grands, and DH seems pretty deeply disturbed over the constant pregnancies. SD and SSIL can't afford all these kids, but we think they believe they are leaving it all "in the hands of God" and doing "what God wishes." Good luck with that!  

Meera wrote:

MorningMia wrote:

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I have StepGSKIDs and the adult SKID and partner made it fundamentally clear that I am NOT family. The irony is the clean line has allowed no ambivalence in my role and frankly I have found it relieving to have no involvement- I don't have to be event planner, present giver, financial provider - I literally do not have any of the problems I thought I would inherit because they have chosen this "punishment." The clear line in the sand goes both ways. If they would have created a more gray situation I would have been wringing my hands, recieving DH updates that we need to help them, and I'd be turning out full vacations to Disneyland because that's the MOST PRECIOUS place on earthy and adult SKIDs LOVE the mostest. I am so very very glad it has been so very clear - they literally can't come to me for everything because they made the rules. I LOVE IT. I never thought I'd say it but living in limbo, attaching to a child that could be snatched away if you don't do exactly what the parents demand and throwing good money away just doesn't seem to fit my lifestyle these days. 
If diablas do procreate for some reason be ready to make sure the rules are in place but if they don't consider yourself lucky not to have to cross that rubicon. 

This. I told DH I am not doing a repeat of the skids, having carrots swung out in front of me, me playing the game and buying things and feeling concern for them, etc., only to receive backlash, rudeness, and be reminded that I am not family. Hell, DH doesn't even feel like family when he's gone there and SD's weirdo rude in-laws are present. 

SD is pumping out her fourth child in five years (four young children in addition to an adopted troubled teen related to SD's  good-for-nothing husband). After getting a passive aggressive smack-down related to the baby shower for the first one (I just sent gifts; did not attend), I said, "No more." It IS relieving not to know the "little darlings." I've noted that even DH has stepped back. He either no longer receives the daily carrot-swinging videos of the little ones or he no longer tries to shove them in my face because he gets little reaction. We never talk about the grands, and DH seems pretty deeply disturbed over the constant pregnancies. SD and SSIL can't afford all these kids, but we think they believe they are leaving it all "in the hands of God" and doing "what God wishes." Good luck with that!  

All of your replies are so validating. For so many years I really wanted to connect with the diablas. I never said a bad word to them about their idiot BM who actively was trying to sabotage our household, I made them nice meals, I made things comfortable for them when they were here and so on and so forth. In return I was met with rudeness and rejection. It hurt my feelings but also made me realize that they the killers of joy that suck positive energy with their dark cloud personalities covering everything. 

I have come to realize how lucky I am that have no connection to the diablas. I am grateful that they never sucked me in. They made their stance clear that they don't know me and don't want to know me. I am respecting their wishes by staying out of their lives. 

Of course they are manipulative and will put on a good face when it suits them because they don't want other people to know how mean they are. I don't play that game. I am not playing happy family when they can't be polite to me in private. I give them the same level of energy publicly as privately which is to remain detached and unaffected by them. I am civil and polite but disengaged. No SD's, I don't care to have a conversation with you at a family gathering when you can't be bothered to treat me kindly in private. I don't care to have a conversation with you in front of my DH when you have made rude passive aggressive comments to make sure you let me know that you want me gone. 

When the "leave it in God's hands" thing comes up I play the "intellect is the greatest gift and God expects you to use it" card. That shuts the bull- down in a hurry and they tend to crawl back under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool.  I am crushed for the kids cursed to lose the parent lottery that severely.  But the idiot breeders I don't give a flying rat's butt about.  They condemn themselves by their own words and actions.

I highlight it when they crawl out of their cesspool of existence to share the odiferous eminations of their life's sewage.  Eventually, they stay away.  They behave, or they suffer.  They think, or they feel.  Their choice.  Though the opposite of what most parents of boomers used to say, "This does hurt you far more than it hurts me.  How is it workin out for ya?" 
 

Last edited by Rags (2/07/2026 3:52 pm)

Yep, they don't care until they realize everyone has moved on in life without them and they have become irrelevant
 
@Meera, Right on. Funny how toxic people still try to overestimate their role in others lives as if they are just that important to you because they just HAVE to be.  meanwhile you had already moved forward in focusing on yourself instead. Then they ( SD31 in my case) will turn on a DIME resenting, judging and insulting you for that seconds after saying they care about you.
Then wonders why I as well as lots of other people have chosen to move on from her as much as possible.
Really, why on Earth would I dream of actually enjoying my life  when I could volunteer  myself for another exhausting season of her same chaotic show and drama, especially with stepgrands in tow who are on track to ending up just like her. One of things SD is so "disappointed with me" over because being her and kids emotional Janitor ( thanks @Rags for introducing that term as I will file that away) was suddenly supposed to be written in the stars as my destiny , LOL Talk about delusional.
Be glad if the Stepdiablas so called legacy ends with them, cause the beat goes on. 
@ImperfeclyPerfect, @MorningMia..hence why its so relieving that she has froze me out , almost going on two years, it also means relieving me of her or the Stepgrands approaching me with any expectations since she refuses to reach out , since the ball is in her court and she is making the rules.  That is fine with me and its funny how she thinks that I am supposed to feel guilty or distraught over that meanwhile Im  over here as giddy as a kid on Christmas. 
I hope her current season of her ghosting me is another beat that will just keep going too 

Seems like , with the Diablas and most of our skids, is that they love the Idea of being considered and included, until its time for them to have to consider you. and others around them.
Like you, in the beginning, I tried to connect to SD31 and build some kind of positive relationship, but the patterns scream that she has only made the effort for the same so long as she made the rules and it was all on her terms ( & if that coincides when  she needs someone to be of service to her)  Its so funny and yet not shocking how so many of our skids just show themselves to be total Users., then want to pretend that they dont understand why they cant be trusted 

Last edited by LittleTypeAmy (2/24/2026 7:48 am)

LittleTypeAmy wrote:

Seems like , with the Diablas and most of our skids, is that they love the Idea of being considered and included, until its time for them to have to consider you. and others around them.
Like you, in the beginning, I tried to connect to SD31 and build some kind of positive relationship, but the patterns scream that she has only made the effort for the same so long as she made the rules and it was all on her terms ( & if that coincides when  she needs someone to be of service to her)  Its so funny and yet not shocking how so many of our skids just show themselves to be total Users., then want to pretend that they dont understand why they cant be trusted 

Yeah @MorningMia- I am used to it being "all on their terms" - they give these weird strict rules that apply to good ole' stepmom but the same rules don't apply to them because they are so above us. And even when staying within their strict rules, there is no respect- lots of pouting, bad attitudes and not any happier. I don't want to spend an ounce of life or a nanosecond of time applied to them any longer- it is literally the biggest waste of my resources, they squander everything. 

LittleTypeAmy wrote:

" It's funny when people blame you for everything and they "walk away" expecting you to crawl back begging and...wehn you don't and your life gets exponentially better I wonder if it ever crosses their mind or are they still there thinking we are crying in a dark corner waiting fro their return. I'd like to think that they realize we have a life but...I actually think they believe we are crying alone in a dark corner

@ImperfectlyPerfect. All of this! I have been thinking the same thing more than once. Why else would SD31's "parting"  words to me bf  blocking me ( cause you know how inisist on having the last word)  were that she would make things easier for me and stay away and out of OUR lives ( she might have spelled it "ARE: instead) if she didn't really expect me that kind of reaction out of me? I didn't get a chance to tell her I'm going to ( gladly) file that away that as a promise, being that I  got that statement in writing at least ( grateful for screenshots) so i could hold her to it.
The irony that's lost on her is that for long stretches of time, try years, for most of the time I've had the "pleasure" of having to associate with her, shes been MIA, as she has made a conscious decision to stay away and out of OUR lives due to her rejection of me.  Funny how she tried to "guilt" me by "threatening" to do the same thing she has already been doing , so its just going back to business as usual. 
The gist of it is that these emotionally stunted  SKID types act out like this when they sense that they have lost the people they once thought they could control so easily.and cannot stand being irrelevant to you suddenly. They never realize that people, like us, can grow srtonger , move on, and then stop tolerating manipulation, so SD notices her influence and power over me fading so much that her words and actions no longer have the same effect on me. Hence why her attempts to regain control fall flat even when she tries to "reconnect" by hoovering ( under the guise of "love"and concern,,haha) as I failed to response the same way.   Now, as predicted, she get all desperate as she  done lost her mind with a tantrum, since  her old control tactic dont hold the same power to get the same result that  they used to. , because they hold no weight anynore. 
So yeah, no spending years crying in the corner ( sorry, Stepskids, nice try) . Fun fact, shortly after her little exit speech meant to break me, DH and I glady carried on travel plans we have been trying to faciliate for years, no ounce of guilt on my part. I was more than glad to leave SD crying , whining and sulking with her permanently fixed pouty face in her own dark corner ( thats how she handles life anyhow being the miserable human that she is) while I went on living my best life.  DH was actually concerend I changed my mind about the trip because of her, as that woudnt be the first vacation  she has ruined for us.  NO way was I letting her have that kind of power again either. I giddilly hoped that she stayed connected with DH on FB to be lurking on his page seeing all these awesome pictures of us enjoying and exploring a place that was peaceful, sunny and vibrant, something as far removed as possible from that dank dark corner she expected me to be wallowing in.  As Rags as said, just simply being happy and living your best life is the best revenge!

YES...simply living your best life is the best revenge- it truly is. In fact it can make them even more miserable- your happiness directly equates to them being more an more unhappy for you. We started living our best lives and one SKID would troll my Facebook with his bride and the brides parents - they would literally go look at what we were doing and then come back with some fire and brimstone about how there's going to be h*LL to pay. One time DH got a call from SKID telling DH "We need to control the messaging on ImperfectlyPerfect's social media accounts." When DH told me I was literally floored- first off a grown adult woman you "boys" need to control what I say? Doesn't that sound bizarre in itself? Secondly, let's go on my social media and see what I post- literally happy nice post after happy nice post- what exactly is the message problem? I got a bit more bold and told DH is he not happy for your or my happiness- could that be the problem. That was the end of being social media friends with these SKIDs, thankfully they blocked me and I have said nothing about it because I don't want them lurking around. SKIDs are bad news all around @littletypeamy. So time to GO on your way, I am literally wiping my hands clean of the mess and only promote DH keeping in contact. He stays in phone reach and a once and awhile visit. I don't ask questions and I am not the least bit interested in their meetings. Heck I am not very interested in these non curious, non contributing, unkind, unworldly and selfish SKIDs - I finding less and less redeeming value in being around them or even breathing the same air. 
 

Last edited by ImperfectlyPerfect (2/26/2026 11:06 am)

Rumplestiltskin wrote:

As far as the “ However, if I am in, I am all in. As a SParent, as a spouse, etc.” goes, that’s how i’ve always been. When i realized that the people i was dealing with made that impossible, i tried to NACHO, etc. SD26 having a “surprise” baby while homeless and single, and SD28 becoming homeless and moving in with SO made me realize my only option was to see myself “all out.” It’s been hard, especially being newly single for the holidays but I’m finding my way back.

Also, “Thank God the SDs don’t seem to want to reproduce!” Lol those were my words right before she called and said she was pregnant and already 5 months along. I also said that about exSO’s 52-year-old brother who kept trying to dump his poor kid on SO, who would then try to dump him on me. Wouldn’t you know the guy is 56 now with a toddler. Nope, nope, nope!

I get this @Rumple- I was an all IN too and 100% excited and engaged for a decade+ just continually getting slapped in the face thinking/hoping that things would even out, change, be better. As you, then I came to the realization as they became adults that this would just always be ugly no matter what I did. I too tried the NACHO but ultimately the only thing I see moving forward is having separate and distinct lives. DH goes and does his thing with the SKIDs and I stay out of that. I am happy and supportive of DH but not interested in getting involved at all. DH and I do our thing. IF one of those adult SKIDs moved back in (they have tried...we did it once with each in their early 20s- both were horrible, noncontributing to the household not even lifting a finger for chores- i can count on one hand things that DH forced them to do everyonce in a blue moon- e.g. cut the grass...sometimes, etc)) at this point I think that would also be my breaking point. I wish everyone the best but MY peace of mind and life matters just as much as all these other people. So yes that's a line for me too- you cannot lurk in our basement, take over our living room, be a dark cloud every day...I work wayyyy too hard to have to deal with any of that garbage. So do you Rumple- enjoy your FREEDOM!

Last edited by ImperfectlyPerfect (2/26/2026 6:43 pm)

@ImperfectlyPerfect - if the rest of the relationship had been worth it, i would have likely done as you are doing.

@Rags - I agree about actions. I hung around as long as i felt my SO was *trying* his best, even if what he did wasn’t exactly, well, enough. When he started going to the bar every night and i caught him sneakily texting his latest “work wife” (or was she a work daughter, hard to tell) for the last time i could stomach, the switch flipped. The good actions dwindled to the point they didn’t outweigh the bullshite.