Lol. Some gene pools should not be propagated.  The Diablas' among them.

While cerebrally I understand how your DH may be disappointed at not having GKs, that perspective does not strike a chord with me.  I am proud to be my Skid's dad.  I have zero anything over not having GKs.  Nothing.  Not a thought. Not a disappointment. Not a fee fee. Nothing.   Though if my son should choose to be a father, then great. I would be for my GKs the GP equivalent of what I am to my son as his father.  Not a drive or need that I have. However, if I am in, I am all in.  As a SParent, as a spouse, etc...  My choice is my responsibility to deliver on.  So, that is what I have done as my bride's husband, and my kid's dad.

Had I not met my bride and become my son's father, I am confident that my perspective on parenthood would be the same as my perspective on grandparenthood.  I love kids. However, I have zero core drive about them or need for them from a procreation perspective in any capacity.  I do not see kids/GKs as some sort of soul fulfilling experience. 

As for BM's dissapointment in her life....... That could not happen to a more worthy person.

.

Last edited by Rags (2/03/2026 10:53 pm)

"However, if I am in, I am all in.  As a SParent, as a spouse, etc...  My choice is my responsibility to deliver on.  So, that is what I have done as my bride's husband, and my kid's dad."

Rags, I admire your dedication to your family. This sums up what I have admired most about you here on ST. 

I don't get men that need to pass on their DNA in order to feel like they have a legacy. This seems to be more common in men than women.

I would be happy to have bio grandchildren because I enjoy children and because should they chose to do so, I want my own children to have the experience of parenthood, not because I need them to make me feel like I've left a mark in this world. 

I am also a loyal person but I have learned to expect the same in return. 

Meera wrote:

"However, if I am in, I am all in.  As a SParent, as a spouse, etc...  My choice is my responsibility to deliver on.  So, that is what I have done as my bride's husband, and my kid's dad."

Rags, I admire your dedication to your family. This sums up what I have admired most about you here on ST. 

I don't get men that need to pass on their DNA in order to feel like they have a legacy. This seems to be more common in men than women.

I would be happy to have bio grandchildren because I enjoy children and because should they chose to do so, I want my own children to have the experience of parenthood, not because I need them to make me feel like I've left a mark in this world. 

I am also a loyal person but I have learned to expect the same in return. 

Thank you Meera.  I have loved being my bride's DH and my son's dad.  That being what it is, I have never had a deep spiritual soul and life fulfilling need to have BKs or GKs.  Had it happened, I am sure I would have loved being dad/granddad to that/those kid/s.  I have missed nothing.  I have no regrets.

Take care of you and live well Meera.  I hope that your Me-era is amazing. 
 

MorningMia wrote:

It's interesting how messed up so many of our skids are . . . we have just been part of the collateral damage in their lives (except we have for the most part escaped the "damaged" part). They are screwed up people--not only poor CODs with step mommy issues--many/most with similar life stories. 

I used to say about BM back in the day, "She's like a big truck running over people, churning them out,  dumping them along the road, leaving a wave of injuries behind her."  Yea, too bad these types breed.  

 

You are spot on that we are collateral damage in their lives. SD's have been trained, mostly by BM, to be the way they are. It didn't just happen on it's own. Your big truck description fits BM.

Funny enough it also describes my kid's bio-D. The difference is that I showed up and I put in the work to help my kids pick themselves back up and find a different, healthier path.  I continue hold a place of support and safety for them even though they are now young adults. So many of these disney dad's wear rose colored glasses and can't be bothered to do what it takes to change things. It's not easy and it takes time, work and patience. You have to be willing to let them experience the consequence of their own choices and behaviors while still giving guidance and love. 
 

Sounds like the Animal Torturer SD27 who has most likely burned her bridges with all the local landlords in town and has moved back with family.

ImperfectlyPerfect - "...make sure the rules are in place but if they don't (procreate) consider yourself lucky not to have to cross that rubicon."
 
Crossing the Rubicon.  What a brilliant historical reference applied to the need for boundaries and defending hills to die on with noxious failed family toxic baggage in a blend situation.

Never cross the Rubicon of tolerance for unreasonableness from the baggage. Ever. For any reason. Regardless of who or what that baggage may be.  It is rarely easy but is it is critically necessary when living life in a baggage heavy blend.  IMHO of course.

Take care of you. 

Last edited by Rags (2/06/2026 3:26 pm)

Tales of the diablas always give me laugh…. Naturally… everyone else’s fault for her couch surfing at 27… not her own life choices… of course not…. THEY ARE NEVER AT FAULT.

I haven’t blogged much…not too much tell other then I still don’t speak to SS22. No one in the house really does…. Why…

He supposedly wants to “fix” things with everyone in the house but YET makes zero effort to do so…

My theory….he isn’t doing this consciously… but because it’s finally effecting HIM that no one in the house likes… he still doesn’t care about who we are as individuals… Otherwise… maybe… there would actually be an effort….

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I have StepGSKIDs and the adult SKID and partner made it fundamentally clear that I am NOT family. The irony is the clean line has allowed no ambivalence in my role and frankly I have found it relieving to have no involvement- I don't have to be event planner, present giver, financial provider - I literally do not have any of the problems I thought I would inherit because they have chosen this "punishment." The clear line in the sand goes both ways. If they would have created a more gray situation I would have been wringing my hands, recieving DH updates that we need to help them, and I'd be turning out full vacations to Disneyland because that's the MOST PRECIOUS place on earthy and adult SKIDs LOVE the mostest. I am so very very glad it has been so very clear - they literally can't come to me for everything because they made the rules. I LOVE IT. I never thought I'd say it but living in limbo, attaching to a child that could be snatched away if you don't do exactly what the parents demand and throwing good money away just doesn't seem to fit my lifestyle these days. 
If diablas do procreate for some reason be ready to make sure the rules are in place but if they don't consider yourself lucky not to have to cross that rubicon. 

This. I told DH I am not doing a repeat of the skids, having carrots swung out in front of me, me playing the game and buying things and feeling concern for them, etc., only to receive backlash, rudeness, and be reminded that I am not family. Hell, DH doesn't even feel like family when he's gone there and SD's weirdo rude in-laws are present. 

SD is pumping out her fourth child in five years (four young children in addition to an adopted troubled teen related to SD's  good-for-nothing husband). After getting a passive aggressive smack-down related to the baby shower for the first one (I just sent gifts; did not attend), I said, "No more." It IS relieving not to know the "little darlings." I've noted that even DH has stepped back. He either no longer receives the daily carrot-swinging videos of the little ones or he no longer tries to shove them in my face because he gets little reaction. We never talk about the grands, and DH seems pretty deeply disturbed over the constant pregnancies. SD and SSIL can't afford all these kids, but we think they believe they are leaving it all "in the hands of God" and doing "what God wishes." Good luck with that!  

Meera wrote:

MorningMia wrote:

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I have StepGSKIDs and the adult SKID and partner made it fundamentally clear that I am NOT family. The irony is the clean line has allowed no ambivalence in my role and frankly I have found it relieving to have no involvement- I don't have to be event planner, present giver, financial provider - I literally do not have any of the problems I thought I would inherit because they have chosen this "punishment." The clear line in the sand goes both ways. If they would have created a more gray situation I would have been wringing my hands, recieving DH updates that we need to help them, and I'd be turning out full vacations to Disneyland because that's the MOST PRECIOUS place on earthy and adult SKIDs LOVE the mostest. I am so very very glad it has been so very clear - they literally can't come to me for everything because they made the rules. I LOVE IT. I never thought I'd say it but living in limbo, attaching to a child that could be snatched away if you don't do exactly what the parents demand and throwing good money away just doesn't seem to fit my lifestyle these days. 
If diablas do procreate for some reason be ready to make sure the rules are in place but if they don't consider yourself lucky not to have to cross that rubicon. 

This. I told DH I am not doing a repeat of the skids, having carrots swung out in front of me, me playing the game and buying things and feeling concern for them, etc., only to receive backlash, rudeness, and be reminded that I am not family. Hell, DH doesn't even feel like family when he's gone there and SD's weirdo rude in-laws are present. 

SD is pumping out her fourth child in five years (four young children in addition to an adopted troubled teen related to SD's  good-for-nothing husband). After getting a passive aggressive smack-down related to the baby shower for the first one (I just sent gifts; did not attend), I said, "No more." It IS relieving not to know the "little darlings." I've noted that even DH has stepped back. He either no longer receives the daily carrot-swinging videos of the little ones or he no longer tries to shove them in my face because he gets little reaction. We never talk about the grands, and DH seems pretty deeply disturbed over the constant pregnancies. SD and SSIL can't afford all these kids, but we think they believe they are leaving it all "in the hands of God" and doing "what God wishes." Good luck with that!  

All of your replies are so validating. For so many years I really wanted to connect with the diablas. I never said a bad word to them about their idiot BM who actively was trying to sabotage our household, I made them nice meals, I made things comfortable for them when they were here and so on and so forth. In return I was met with rudeness and rejection. It hurt my feelings but also made me realize that they the killers of joy that suck positive energy with their dark cloud personalities covering everything. 

I have come to realize how lucky I am that have no connection to the diablas. I am grateful that they never sucked me in. They made their stance clear that they don't know me and don't want to know me. I am respecting their wishes by staying out of their lives. 

Of course they are manipulative and will put on a good face when it suits them because they don't want other people to know how mean they are. I don't play that game. I am not playing happy family when they can't be polite to me in private. I give them the same level of energy publicly as privately which is to remain detached and unaffected by them. I am civil and polite but disengaged. No SD's, I don't care to have a conversation with you at a family gathering when you can't be bothered to treat me kindly in private. I don't care to have a conversation with you in front of my DH when you have made rude passive aggressive comments to make sure you let me know that you want me gone. 

When the "leave it in God's hands" thing comes up I play the "intellect is the greatest gift and God expects you to use it" card. That shuts the bull- down in a hurry and they tend to crawl back under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool.  I am crushed for the kids cursed to lose the parent lottery that severely.  But the idiot breeders I don't give a flying rat's butt about.  They condemn themselves by their own words and actions.

I highlight it when they crawl out of their cesspool of existence to share the odiferous eminations of their life's sewage.  Eventually, they stay away.  They behave, or they suffer.  They think, or they feel.  Their choice.  Though the opposite of what most parents of boomers used to say, "This does hurt you far more than it hurts me.  How is it workin out for ya?" 
 

Last edited by Rags (2/07/2026 3:52 pm)