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1 of 1- LittleTypeAmy
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Certain kind of Disappointment
I have reached the point where I recognize there is this certain kind of disappointment that does not even HURT so much anymore. It just makes you think, with a shrug, as if "Yeah, that's exactly what I expected" And that's the moment when you realize how many times you gave some people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe more times than you really should have. This should be the moment where that cold harsh fact comes clear as crystal or it should.
I know I reached this point with SD31 where I am just pretty much NUMB to any disappointment,, so much so that I dont even FEEL the sting of being disappointed, as if I cannot even be surprised. When I get wind of news of how the chaos train keeps rolling along, it jjust doesn't hurt me or twist me up inside the way it used to do when I took SDs antics too much to heart as if they way she was turning out, and NOT for the better, as if that was this personal reflection of me as a person, when I thought if I couldnt manage SD;s choices or emotions, then I was some sort of failure. I guess in this case, I really know I have healed when I have become this Numb.. The most feeling I get is anger or worry is not for SD's benefit anymore but now at the thought of any of this drama to once again try to worm its way into my world, which has been calm and peaceful just for lack of SD and the problems she has invited into it.
Last edited by LittleTypeAmy (1/02/2026 4:29 pm)
- Trudie
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Re: Certain kind of Disappointment
Amy, it sounds like you have reached differentiation - this is good. You are able to acknowledge what SD does, yet you do not spiral. You are winning! It's understandable that you are angry and worried her antics may affect your world, just stay the course; numb, calm, peaceful, non-reactive, boundaried, etc. You have got this.
Last edited by Trudie (1/02/2026 4:59 pm)
- MorningMia
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Re: Certain kind of Disappointment
Trudie wrote:
Amy, it sounds like you have reached differentiation - this is good. You are able to acknowledge what SD does, yet you do not spiral. You are winning! It's understandable that you are angry and worried her antics may affect your world, just stay the course; numb, calm, peaceful, non-reactive, boundaried, etc. You have got this.
This. You are no longer emotionally engaged. You're "experiencing" SD's behavior with your thoughts, not your emotions. Take a deep breath!
By the way, hi Trudie. . .was wondering where you were!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Trudie
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Re: Certain kind of Disappointment
Amy, it sounds like you have reached differentiation - this is good. You are able to acknowledge what SD does, yet you do not spiral. You are winning! It's understandable that you are angry and worried her antics may affect your world, just stay the course; numb, calm, peaceful, non-reactive, boundaried, etc. You have got this.
This. You are no longer emotionally engaged. You're "experiencing" SD's behavior with your thoughts, not your emotions. Take a deep breath!
By the way, hi Trudie. . .was wondering where you were!
Hello Mia! I'm here! I have missed this site; just catching up.
- BanksiaRose
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Re: Certain kind of Disappointment
That’s good, you’ve achieved healthy individuation.
Also, in regards to your thoughts how much the steppos’ bad behaviours and choices reflect on us, I’d be leaning very close to zero. From my observations in my past work with foster care/child protection systems in various parts of the world, I can say that the child can have the most dedicated, boundaried and kindest adoptive/foster/step parents, but if they come from a disturbed bio parent, even without knowing the parent at all, they are very likely to turn out mostly like that parent, perhaps with the edges polished up a bit by the new family. If the bio family were impulsive/chaotic/immature/self-absorbed, had criminal tendencies, issues with authority figures, poor academic performance etc., then the child will be very much like them.
I even vaguely remember a study from my University days where there was 60% some negative trait correlation between child and birth mother and hardly any correlation with the adoptive mother, even when the baby was adopted at birth.
Last edited by BanksiaRose (1/04/2026 11:46 pm)
- StandingStrong
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Re: Certain kind of Disappointment
Great place to be! I'm there...although it took me a bit of a journey. Like you, SK crap does not bother me anymore. It's laughable.
Example: Slowly doing some "re-intergrating" with DHs kids. SD41 and I had met twice and things went well. She sent me a Mother's Day greeting (in a joint text with DH). I quickly responded. For her birthday, I made sure to send an early morning HB text. Difference was, it was just between her and I. I also sent a small gift. What did I get? Zero response. All the while she's in her group text with DH and siblings all day long. At 6pm, I dinged that text again and finally got a curt response. I did not reply. DH was aware and angry but I told him to leave it alone. The relationship with her will be strictly through DH and any texts will be joint. That happened in July and I have not had any communication with her since. Just a "Tell StandingStrong I said hi" to which I say the same to DH. LOL
I'm glad you are at a good place. Life brings us enough troubles...no need to let troublesome people in your life to add more.