Welcome!!!
October fun facts
https://www.almanac.com/content/month-october-holidays-fun-facts-folklore
#cc6600
1 of 1- 1dad6kids
- Member
Offline
The storm is over
Yesterday was now SS16's birthday. How he celebrated I suppose we'll never know.
DH sent him a voice message singing Happy Birthday and SS16 responded with, Thanks Dad I love you. DH was pleased.
Our house is becoming okay. The kids have mostly accepted the new normal and we've begun getting rid of the things we don't need anymore. SS16 was an adult size while the rest of the kids will be years before they require the same space as he did. If ever. So we were able to get rid of some big furniture and replace it with smaller items that fit our small space better.
We haven't finished clearing out his room yet. He has so much stuff. But we were able to make space for the extra bed downstairs so that's really just another few hours of packing and cleaning and we'll move DD5 into his room, and his old bed into DD9's new solo room. Hoping to get that done today.
We're having Thanksgiving supper here on Sunday and DH's sister and her kids are coming. so we're having DD5's birthday party that same day. The extra space will be so helpful for that.
I also texted SS16 Happy Birthday. But just that. Nothing else. He sent back a generic thank you. That was more than I was expecting though.
DH wants to just move on. He said this pain he's had for the last year is gone mysteriously. He isn't sure how or if it's related but he's taking it as a sign that things are going to get better.
Thank you everyone for the support- the advice- and the bringing me back down to earth. I hope it's drama free from here on out
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline
Re: The storm is over
From our experience, once the kids hit their teens and PAS took hold, there was no turning back. Not really. We hoped things would get better "when they're adults," and they actually got worse. I don't understand the full psychology of it, although I liken it to a cult . . . brainwashing.
It's good to find closure and peace. Fighting a losing battle is draining. I can attest to that.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Thinkthrice
- Member
Offline
Re: The storm is over
"We hoped things would get better "when they're adults," and they actually got worse. I don't understand the full psychology of it, although I liken it to a cult . . . brainwashing."
Exactly. It IS brainwashing and to deny all the lies they've been told would completely devastate them. The cognitive dissonance is deafening.
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline
Re: The storm is over
Thinkthrice wrote:
"We hoped things would get better "when they're adults," and they actually got worse. I don't understand the full psychology of it, although I liken it to a cult . . . brainwashing."
Exactly. It IS brainwashing and to deny all the lies they've been told would completely devastate them. The cognitive dissonance is deafening.
You make an excellent point that gives me chills. I think in addition to devastation, meaning in our case viewing their mother as something different than who and what they believe she is, my skids would lose their identities, which are wrapped up in BM. Major enmeshment. That would be terrifying.
When SD "confronted" DH after we married, angry with him that he "abandoned" them and blamed him for the divorce (which occurred because of BM's cheating), DH for the first time attempted to counter the lies the skids had been told, and there was major fall-out, drama, PAS, you name it.
SD tried it again later and DH came back with the truth. More problems. More "punishments."
SS tried it 2 - 3 times and DH came back with the truth. SS initially yelled at DH. Last time, SS's face went pale, but after he left our home, we didn't hear from him for ages.
The skids kept pushing the topic expecting and wanting to hear a different story--one that fed their mother's narrative. They wanted to hear that their father abandoned them (false), would always love their mother (false), and would never move on from her in life (false). Somehow, in the midst of all of this, I became the scapegoat and got the blame for breaking up the broken family.
I wish I had known/seen that this was a lost cause a long time ago. It would have saved so much grief. As our old marriage counselor used to say, "You're trying to put logic on the illogical." Truer words . . . .
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.