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1 of 1- needabreak
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Long wait for group homes
My stepson is 23 and his parents have (kudos to them both) agreed to put him on a waitlist for government funded group homes. They are burnt out and his bio mom is now facing sporadic violence from her son needing police intervention. His supportive housing case is now flagged as urgent. I am really happy this milestone has finally been reached because I was worried it would take them a lot lot longer to come to this decision. I am worried about my safety and being alone with SS. He has only targeted his bio mom and her pets, but still.. There are thousands of adults waiting for group homes here. It's going to take a miracle. Someone in a group home will have to pass away first before he gets placed. I hope I can get a normal retirement in 4 years. I'm tired of picking him up and dropping him off at his day program every other day. And I'm tired for having to lose my spot on the couch when he comes over 
. Sorry I'm selfish and not very graceful at all. And if we do get a placement, how in the hell are his parents going to break it to him so that he can understand. His mom is really nervous and ready to change her mind on this decision as well. His dad on the other hand is all for it.
Last edited by needabreak (9/26/2025 2:43 pm)
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Re: Long wait for group homes
You're not selfish! This is obviously a difficult situation and is taking tolls both physically and mentally. Your DH is blessed that you're willing to help.
Found this:
,varies%20from%20person%20to%20person.
Last edited by Aniki-Moderator (9/26/2025 2:56 pm)
Thread Starter- Tryingjusttrying
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Re: Long wait for group homes
@needabreak, I know a family who placed their special needs son into a group home. I don't know them well enough to know what their reasons were or what options they had, but one thing I am certain about is that he is far better off in a group home with his peers and expert care takers than he was at home where he was languishing. His parents love him and visit him often, and sometimes brings him to visit his childhood home. But he seems happy to go back to his friends.
Something I remember reading about that I think is interesting - there is a town in Belgium that takes in mentally ill adults, kind of like a foster care system for mentally ill people. One of their beliefs is that strangers are sometimes far more tolerant and accepting of a mentally ill person because they don't have any expectations. I've seen families feed into each other's dysfunctions, so distance is not always a bad thing.
- Winterglow
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Re: Long wait for group homes
I'd just like to offer a little encouragement. We were looking for a group home for one of my daughters. The waiting lists for the only two in our area (within an hour's) were endless. She tried both, days here and there, a full week in both. Less than a week after the second week, we were called in and, to our surprise, were offered a place for our daughter!
BM needs to understand that her son needs a life of his own and that trying to keep him at home is pure selfishness on her part.
My daughter is thriving and has blossomed since she's had her independence.
Good luck. My fingers are crossed for you.
- Sunshine&Rainbows
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Re: Long wait for group homes
Hi @needabreak.... absolutly not selfish at all....as a step parent to an adult SK with special needs who lives at home full time and pushes my buttons in everyway....I get the stress, anxiety, sense of not belonging or wanting to be in your own home at times, guilt and shame for your thoughts... but special needs or not they are adults who we are sharing what should be our safe and secure space with...who push us to our limits physically and mentally daily...whilst it isn't their fault they have needs the additional care, time and support that is needed puts more pressure on us and is so so hard at times....you are not selfish at all....you are human....you are amazing for being there....and you deserve your own life/expereinces/retiremnt as much as him deserving his own life and opportunity to grow. X
Last edited by Sunshine&Rainbows (9/28/2025 4:49 pm)
- ESMOD
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Re: Long wait for group homes
In the normal cycle of life, the SN individual will experience time where there is no parent alive to care for them.
So, isn't it more cruel to expect your adult child to have to make that transition to a new lifestyle and environment without the parents there to support that transition. Do you want to leave them rudderless.. or leave that transition "burden" to your other children? (children that likely have had to already experienced sacrifices that come with having someone with special needs in their family.)
No one is saying that a parent has to drop their child in the middle of the night.. never to return.
They can still be part of their child's life.. have the child home for visits.. but the child's world expands and they are encouraged to participate to their best ability.. they have new friends.. new support systems.. and a way forward in life even when their parents are no longer able to care for them. (what happens when the parents become infirm.. can't care for their own needs.).
OP's husband is quite fortunate she has been as accommodating as she has been. I would probably not been as willing to take on the role.. especially with the potential for violence this young man clearly has.