Rags wrote:

I just heart this.  It made an impression on me.  I am not one to easily forgive.  For me forgiveness is not a single point process. Those needing forgiveness have to continually earn it until the the earlier of the end of their life or mine.  I will forgive them each and every day that they earn it by not repeating behaviors requiring forgiveness.

"When we do not forgive, it is like us drinking poison waiting for them to die."

I can see the wisdom in this statement.

The way I have heard that saying was using "resentment" or "anger at another person".. so carrying hateful and toxic feelings in your active thoughts... which IMHO is a little different than forgiveness.

I may totally get past an offense.. never really think about it.. but I also may have not forgiven the perpetrator and excised them completely from my life.

Nursing the grudge.. doing the passive aggressive dance with another person (who likely is too obtuse to even understand what you are doing).. is where I see that advice coming in on time for sure.

I will put it in familial terms here.  Let's say you feel your parents were dysfunctional.. they didn't hug you enough.. their expectations were too high/rigid... you didn't feel authentically "seen" etc.. your family was poor.. you didn't have "enough" as a kid.  Well.. they had you for 18 years.. but their ability to control your life does go down when you turn 18 right?  you are no longer obligated to participate in the toxicity as an adult.. yeah.. I know it's not easy.. but continually blaming your poor choices as an adult on the fact that you didn't have what you consider great parents.. yeah.. nursing that grudge against them instead of moving on and past and growing from it.. THAT is not helping you.
 

ESMOD wrote:

Rags wrote:

I just heart this.  It made an impression on me.  I am not one to easily forgive.  For me forgiveness is not a single point process. Those needing forgiveness have to continually earn it until the the earlier of the end of their life or mine.  I will forgive them each and every day that they earn it by not repeating behaviors requiring forgiveness.

"When we do not forgive, it is like us drinking poison waiting for them to die."

I can see the wisdom in this statement.

The way I have heard that saying was using "resentment" or "anger at another person".. so carrying hateful and toxic feelings in your active thoughts... which IMHO is a little different than forgiveness.

I may totally get past an offense.. never really think about it.. but I also may have not forgiven the perpetrator and excised them completely from my life.

Nursing the grudge.. doing the passive aggressive dance with another person (who likely is too obtuse to even understand what you are doing).. is where I see that advice coming in on time for sure.

I will put it in familial terms here.  Let's say you feel your parents were dysfunctional.. they didn't hug you enough.. their expectations were too high/rigid... you didn't feel authentically "seen" etc.. your family was poor.. you didn't have "enough" as a kid.  Well.. they had you for 18 years.. but their ability to control your life does go down when you turn 18 right?  you are no longer obligated to participate in the toxicity as an adult.. yeah.. I know it's not easy.. but continually blaming your poor choices as an adult on the fact that you didn't have what you consider great parents.. yeah.. nursing that grudge against them instead of moving on and past and growing from it.. THAT is not helping you.
 

I like your take better than the quote.  It reminds me of advice my mom has given a number of times over the years. Her take was that we all inherit issues from our parents/family.  At some point those become our issues to solve.  Basically, we can continue to feed the issues we inherit, or we can solve them. Either way, at some point they become are our problems.