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1 of 1- JRI
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SD65 Tells Another Fib
I know I'm being a blog hog about SD65. I hope you'll tolerate me a little longer.
SD65 is still at the shelter but scheduled to move back in with her daughter, C. Yesterday, she told YSS that Friend, one of DH's running buddies from back in the day, had called her after he learned she was in a shelter. He told her that one time, DH89 had asked him to look after SD if anything happened to him. YSS told her not to call him back til he had spoken to Friend. Well, YSS did speak with Friend this morning. Guess what? He didn't contact SD, she contacted him. So typical.
YSS didn't go into details with him, just explained that the family is estranged from SD and warned him about potential drain (of money, time, emotion). Friend asked if he could come over and see DH. YSS told him to call me first but DH would be glad to see him.
Friend is an adult, a good man, I just don't want to see him exploited. If/when he calls, I'll ask him not to discuss SD with DH.
- Kes
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
I guess the fact that she called him rather than the other way around, was not a big surprise to you all. She will latch onto anyone that she can exploit. I hope Friend has good boundaries.
- notarelative
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
SD65 called him..Not a surprise! She's looking for anyone she thinks will buy her story. My guess is that you are the villain in whatever she told him. If I were a betting person, I'd bet SD65 told him that DH had told her that friend would help her if needed.
Seeing this friend will be good for DH, if friend can stick to pleasantries and good memories from.the past. But, be prepared for friend to disappear when he realizes the extent of DH's issues. Stay strong JRI.
- JRI
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
Yes, SD will glom onto anybody she can. I hope Friend doesn't get exploited too badly. He was calling DH twice weekly before DH stopped answering his phone. If he comes over, we can make an arrangement where he calls DH on my phone. He's the type of person who does good things but you seldom hear about it. DH accidentally learned Friend had been supporting an indigent child overseas for years. He's part owner of a building services company and has done a lot of pro bono work for the poor and elderly.
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Last edited by JRI (11/02/2026 12:58 pm)
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Thread Starter- advice.only2
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
Considering your DH's declining mental capacity is it wise to have him telling Friend about SD65? I just ask because I have an aunt who is in early dementia and she told my mother the other day, she called my DH and had a conversation with him about something going on in her assisted living facility. Since my mother is currently on a trip, she called my DH to ask him to explain what was going on and he was like there was no phone call I had not spoken to her at all. So sometimes they have a reality that doesn't even exist and I worry your DH will say something that might not be true or accurate about his SD to Friend, who will then feel he needs to "pick up the torch" for her.
- JRI
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
I doubt it DH89 would bring up SD out of the blue. In any case, when I talk to Friend before any visit, I'll alert him to our reality.
Talking to DH, he seems like himself and I sometimes forget he has dementia. But today, as he was dressing, I found him rolling muscle relief under his arms - thought it was deodorant. We took a little trip today to visit his family's cemeteries. They are in the area where he lived and worked for years. He recognized some landmarks, others not. It's sad.
Last edited by JRI (11/02/2026 4:59 pm)
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Thread Starter- MorningMia
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
JRI, you are going through a lot. We are all here to listen and support.
Your plans on how to interact with Friend are on point. Good luck!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- JRI
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
I spoke with Friend yesterday and he spoke with DH89, too. He plans to visit next week. In the meantime, YSS and DS are dealing with SD65 and her issues and C. YSS, her brother out of town, is the official voice, he can say frank things a stepbrother can't. DS is doing the legwork here. DS drove the 85 miles from his home to get SD's car keys then drove another 50 miles to get her car and take it to his friend's repair shop. It's a total loss and will only fetch a few hundred for parts. He and YSS hope to get enough to pay for her outstanding tickets so her warrants go away. YSS told SD how to go online to deal with an e-lawyer to handle the tickets but she seems unable to do it. He was exasperated, I don't blame him. I'm so blessed the two of them are both willing to spend the time and effort and not involve us.
Last edited by JRI (Yesterday 10:29 am)
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Thread Starter- notarelative
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
I’m glad you got to speak to friend and he will becoming to visit. And kudos to both DS and YSS. They, along with DD, make a great support team for DH and you.
Last edited by notarelative (Yesterday 1:29 pm)
- Kes
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
As I've been following JRI's story the last few weeks, it put me in mind of my episode in 2022, when the "rubber hit the road" in my relationship with SD31. She behaved horribly to me, calling me unpleasant names and accusing me of many crimes against her, and I decided that was that, I didn't want anything further to do with her. All that year, and even the next year, DH put pressure on me to change my decision, specifically to contact her and appease her. I just wasn't able, nor did I want to, do what he asked, even when he threatened me with divorce and said he didn't love me any more. I said if that was how he felt he should go right ahead. I was absolutely prepared to go through with it, I'd had enough. I think everyone has their tipping point, and this was it, for me, as it seems to be for JRI now.
- JRI
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Re: SD65 Tells Another Fib
Yes, Kes, I have had it with her. This started last December when I learned she'd been renting out the condo we bought for "poor SD" to live in. It had been going on for months, maybe years, I don't know. The condo is about 15 miles from us and I realize now that when we went there to meet her or pick her up, she was always outside. She'd been living with her daughter, C, and collecting $250 a week from her tenant while it was costing me about $800 a month. It's not exactly the money, it's the deceit and total lack of respect.
Things have gone drastically downhill for her since then, first her overdose right after Condogate during which she broke her arm. She had 3 months to move her things out of the condo while we were vacating the tenant. Little was removed (and I realize she was nursing her broken arm but C was healthy) so when the locks were changed, she had no more access to her stuff. DD and SIL arranged the move of her possessions, to a storage unit, leaving the furniture while the condo is on the market. She's unhappy that she's missing some of her stuff and DD said she did "curate". I guess that's what happens when you don't handle your own move.
Things turned toxic between SD and C. I have a feeling SD was more welcome there when she had $250 a week plus disability coming in plus SNAP and a car, which C didn't have. Nowadays, she has only her disability, SNAP only pays for one household so she lost that, plus her car is shot. Things got very bad so a neighbor took SD in then took her to a shelter. I do feel some pity for SD, it's a bad situation, but I'm done.
So, yes, Kes, I do understand your breaking point. Sometimes, things just go too far. Our DHs are conflicted. One good thing about DH's dementia is he doesn't ask about SD so I don't have to explain, he wouldn't remember whatever I said anyway.
Last edited by JRI (Today 12:53 pm)
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