As most of you know I have removed myself from SKIDs with just a holiday or two that I have to brush up against the dysfunctional behavior. They do not occupy my thoughts and I do not problem solve anything like I used to. I simply watch, observe and give one word answers back when DH delivers news. "Good, ok, fine" are my go tos. Some of the veterans of this group might have known I was the SM who really wanted to give it my all, loved and supported them and wanted to see this through and putting them first up until they became adults. However when adulthood came their behavior didn't seem to match where they should be at life and they continued to take out their problems on me to the point I got raging red hot and then numbed out which later led to my freedom from the whole mess. 

The other day DH was giddy about me meeting one adult son SKID's friends after a big move (the move had nothing to do with career advancement just a random change of scenery)- neither SKID is very well planned or thinks about the big picture just reacts to things so this move was just another "because I want to" thing which is fine I just refuse to financially pay for it, plus the SKID is pushing 30 and should be able to expense his own moves.

After making this comment about SKID's friends and can't wait to see them and for them to meet you...I processed what DH said I already know how this will play out- we will make the cross country travel, I will be excited to meet these new people, we will arrive- DH will be treated like a king and when introducing myself to SKIDs new (close?) friends it will be met coldly. Slightly shunned which will make me only want to prove my innocence, kindness and caring nature and I will spend the trip seeking approval from people more than half my age. 

So how did I respond to DH's excitement?

I said: "You know it's been a decade+ of selflessly caring, resourcing, and being there for SKIDs. Do you realisitically think I am going to walk into his friend group and see his roommates and they are going to walk up to me, hug me and say 'we have heard so many good things about you.' ?" DH looked at me and said "No, but they are going to do that for me."

And this my friends is why I am NOT spending my precious resources, time and PTO on doing this for the holidays.