Sounds like SD is desperate for a place to stay. I'm so sorry this bull is happening. 

I felt sick on your behalf when I read this.  On top of everything else, she must be completely stupid, thinking that accusing your son is going to help her case!  

I totally agree with @morningmia. This is serious. DH and I have gone through these disgusting, manipulative accusations against one of my sons,and DH.
We did 'go legal.' It showed both BM, YSD and their posse that we were both totally in agreement (united front) and that we were taking no prisoners with such horrendous accusations. This was around 15 years ago and the aim then was to split us up. Apart from never making such serious allegations again, nothing has changed, just different kinds of maliciousness and cruelty.
JRI, I have been with my DH for over 20 years now, and 3 years ago, after a particularly horrendous and prolonged attack we went totally no contact. Not only were we both totally burnt out emotionally and physically, we suddenly 'saw the light' and realised that no matter what we/I did, it was always going to be the same, so we chose to opt out, not as punishment, but for our wellbeing and peace of mind.
My advice would be to stop the 'dancing' around her abusive behaviour, and make it official.  No more contact. I don't say this lightly, but having followed your story for a while now, I  can't see her stopping without a hard stop. Much love sweetie ❤️

I barely got any sleep last night.  C was texting that SD was staying with a neighbor for the night but I was anticipating who knows what today.  In the middle of the night, I remembered what one of you suggested one time so I googled Emergency Housing for Disabled Seniors.  Many resources.  Tho I haven't spoken or texted C, I sent you that link.  This morning, she sent a hysterical text, SD was banging on her door late at night, it sounds crazy and C sounds like she's at the end of her rope.  I again texted the link and said that was the answer for both of them.  On and on....

Last edited by JRI (Yesterday 9:07 am)

Exactly, notarelative, she's been there illegally over a year.  She texted a plea for me to call.  Out on the street, car broke, help.  I finally told DH, I've been shielding him for days.  He asked again if she could stay here awhile.  I said no and reminded him the last time she was here, my blood pressure soared and I went to the ER with chest pains.  So, no.  I told him the only thing I was willing to do was direct her to the homeless website.  He's up for giving her some $ for a motel.  He said wait til she calls again.  In the meantime, I texted her that link  haven't heard more but I'm sure we will.



 

Well, she came and picked up $300 from DH.  I gave her a card with the homelessness info and phone number but I could tell she had other ideas.  The neighbor who drove her over says she can stay several nights.  SD seems to think C will calm down and she'll go back there.  She started in on a character assassination of C but I stopped her and said I've heard C's story and won't get in the middle between them.  She really looked terrible, was crying.  No home, car broken and supposedly abandoned somewhere in the city by C,  no food.  After she had left, C called and I answered for a change.  She's angry and bitter, says SD is threatening to have C's son removed for some kind of misdeed.  She said she's realized her mother is evil.    I told her the same as I did SD, I don't want to get in the middle.  She wanted the neighbor to drop SD off here instead of bringing her back.  I told her my health wouldn't permit it.  She apologized for anything she ever said against me, said SD had brainwashed her.

My DD was aware of everything going on.  She told me she's notified the police of the situation, not filing charges, but asking them to keep a watch.  If anything happens, they'll have some background.

I was so stressed this morning, I couldn't finish breakfast.and I've lost some weight over the past few days.  I predict she will make it thru this week and next then gets her disability on the first which will hold her awhile.  About mid November, I expect it to crank back up.  

In the meantime, we have an interested buyer for the condo.  I just want that thing to go away.

Last edited by JRI (Yesterday 11:35 pm)

Am writing a second post as my ire with SD65 has been building up!  I think she needs to be read the riot act by you.  Including : "It is outrageous that you are relating to us as provider - at our respective ages, you should be caring for us, not the other way around. Our health (particularly DH89 but me as well) is precarious and should not have to deal with your never ending issues".  
I would then lock your doors and block her on phone and email.  

She needs "the law" to come down hard on her. You (or, eh hem) your daughter could make an anonymous phone call to your local Agency on Aging expressing concern about SD's behavior. They will need to know where she is. The "anonymous person" can also give them YOUR name and your address. This "anonymous person" can indicate, truthfully, that she seems to be having some sort of mental health breakdown and people fear what she might do next. The focus, though, should be on you and your husband and SD's impact (or fear of the impact) on your health. DH's dementia should also be mentioned. You can always mention you suspect financial exploitation.

Agency on Aging caseworkers are very familiar with the parent-in-denial (your DH) and know how to handle these situations. You can do all of this without SD ever knowing that you are the one who turned her in. Since she's showing her arse to everybody, she won't know. 

My heart hurts for you right now. 

Last edited by MorningMia (Today 5:50 am)