BM has been out for $$$ lately.

While we were on vacation, BM emailed DH several times, one of which was to discuss Thanksgiving break visitation adjustments for sports, which I blogged about. There were other frivolous emails in addition that we paid no attention to while we were gone. Last weekend, we returned home to a medical bill in the mailbox from BM, never mentioned in any of her emails, for SS'medication. Fine. DH reviews the form the courts require for medical expense reimbursement and BM crossed out the section that said "amount covered by insurance." DH emailed BM and asked, why it was crossed out, if it was submitted to insurance, and if so, how much did they cover. It's important to note that BM is notorious for going out-of-network or without submitting to insurance because she works for a health system and gets significant employee discounts, so she uses the discount to pay her portion while she sticks DH with a huge bill for his portion. BM emailed back, acting like DH was an idiot for even asking, stating "Of course I submitted it through insurance to, obviously, save money, but the drug store receipt doesn't show the amount insurance paid so I just crossed it off." She then attached a screenshot from the drug store app with the information. Dude, the medical expense reimbursement form that the courts require us to use has 5 questions - patient name, type of medical expense, date of expense, amount covered by insurance, and remaining uninsured balance. How hard is it for BM to fill out the entire form, if it was so easy for her to access the information on the app? Oh and the best part... all of this for a WHOPPING $17. DH has never requested medical reimbursement from BM because frankly it isn't worth the drama for a few bucks. But not BM. All of this fuss over $17 under the premise of "DH's financial obligation to SS." Don't worry BM, your $17 check is in the mail.

Then, BM emailed DH today, essentially asking DH for $700 for SS to play club/travel soccer in the spring.
The email went something like this (don't mind my fun little commentary):
SS has been asking to do club soccer for years because he felt his skill level is above recreational level (there's the narcissism) and wanted more training. When he was doing other sports in fall and spring, we told him no to club/travel. We [BM and GF without consulting DH] told SS if he really wanted to focus on just soccer and made a high school team, we would consider club/travel for the off season. Almost all of SS' teammates have been in club/travel for multiple years and SS feels this is his best option for remaining on a high school team. Since SS put in the TIME and EFFORT of playing soccer and making JV (the only other team that isn't varsity), we [again BM and GF without consulting DH] would like to REWARD his hard work by allowing him to try out (and if he makes it), play club/travel in the spring. The cost is $1300 per season but they offer payment plans. That said, this amount is so much more than what regular child support covers and we are unsure how we could afford it with our own household expenses. Would you be willing to split the cost of club/travel soccer?

UMMM WHAT?

First and foremost, SS isn't even that great at soccer. He will not be the next Messi (or whoever is popular in pro soccer). He only started taking soccer seriously this year, at the age of 14. If SS can't stay on the high school team without a S**TLOAD in additional training costs, maybe it's not the sport for him and I would die on that hill. I'm over this "extra, elite, expensive" sports crap unless you are Olympic bound or have actual talent. If not, you can pay the "pay to play" fee for school sports and leave it at that, period. Second, everything we have heard in the last few months from SS is that everything is up in the air there - BM and GF are looking to relocate 3 hours away, BM joined the military reserves and is leaving for basic in a week (gone for a month, leaving GF to fully care for SS14 and their baby), and there are parenting differences with the new baby, to the point of forking out $25-30 per hour for a private nanny since GF now feels daycare isn't good enough, and BM is in full disagreement. With all this instability, why are we even considering this? If they are maybe moving, why does any of this matter? Why is anyone putting the effort in? Third, it's not like SS would play in college or go pro and has said numerous times that they [BM and GF] won't allow him to play college or pro due to "safety concerns", so why? Oh and fourth, this would overlap with wrestling (a sport SS absolutely sucks at - like never won once and is the lowest weight class in existence). SS said fall soccer ran into wrestling season, so he had to miss all the initial wrestling stuff (like a months' worth) to wrap up soccer, so if now wrestling rolls into club/travel soccer, will he be missing that to wrap up wrestling because if so, money wasted. Why would anyone pay for club/travel soccer if he wouldn't be fully participating due to an overlapping high school sport.

DH and I both think that BM and GF have maybe dumped too much effort and focus into their new baby, so this is their way of saving face with SS by overcompensating for neglecting him all these months. Frankly, I am sick of how much emphasis is put on this crap. I'm sick of everything being SS' "passion;" it's all we've been hearing for years, yet it never sticks. Football was his "passion" that interfered with every summer and fall visit for 8 years until he dropped it without a second thought in 8th grade. Basketball was his "passion" that interfered with winter visits for 6 years and then suddenly, poof, done with that two years ago. Now it's soccer and wrestling, again interfering with visits and demanding money. With all this priority and emphasis and money, you would think it were the big leagues or the Olympics or something instead of JV soccer and no-cuts high school wrestling, both of which SS mostly rides the bench.

Our answer is "No" and our CO doesn't require us to pay anything above child support and uninsured medical expenses. DH responded back to BM and basically said "While I understand soccer is important to SS, our household financial obligations do not put us in a position to contribute to this expense." I'm sure BM will retaliate with a comment about the cost of our vacation last week (since I'm sure SS told her about it) and the reality of that is, we didn't pay a dime. It was several years of Christmas and birthday gift cards from family, staying with family to alleviate lodging expenses, and air miles to cover the flights. And if BM stoops so low to bring up either of our DDs (which I wouldn't put it past her), no, we wouldn't pay this amount of money for a sport for them either.

I am sick of BM never being told "No." When BM runs short, she runs to Mom and Dad for money and they happily give it. At one point years ago, her parents were giving her $5k a month to cover all of her living expenses while she voluntarily took an unpaid internship because she was obsessed with the business owner. This is why she doesn't understand the value of a dollar. It is why SS doesn't understand the value of a dollar. And because of that, they both believe they are entitled to insane, out of norm things because it's "what they want." BM and GF make a combined $200-250k per year, with BM making almost $20k more than DH annually. DH and I make a little more than half that combined AND that doesn't account for child support, which BM just received a $250 monthly increase in and it was already HEFTY to start, since she now has a second dependent to account for. Which also, eye roll that DH's child support for SS went up to account for BM and GF's new baby because it never went down when DH and I had two additional children. We, of course, had to adjust our household budget to remain within our means when adding extra children; it wasn't offset by baby daddy child support for a child that isn't his. We do okay, but we aren't rolling in tons of extra cash each month. Are we paycheck to paycheck, no, but we aren't much above that. One emergency would set us back.

Thank God, BM hasn't come to DH about the week-long high school trip to Europe scheduled for 3 years from now, which costs $6k per kid. Maybe that's next, which will also be a "No."

Enough of my rant. I just needed to yell it into the void because I am sick of these insane requests from BM and SS that they feel are completely reasonable because she lives in a state of delusion and privilege. BM better get used to living within her means because in 3.5 years, our CS obligation terminates and she is going to lose a decent chunk of change in additional income each month.

Looking forward to BM leaving for basic training this weekend and her having no phone access for a month. She told DH that everything can be communicated to GF, which what the h*** would we need to communicate with GF about? We don't even communicate with BM unless it is in response to her. Either way, I'll be enjoying our month long hiatus until Thanksgiving break when SS returns.

Last edited by CastleJJ (10/12/2026 7:31 pm)