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1 of 1- grannyd
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Don't give up
My SD, now 53 years old, is recovering from cancer. Decades ago, she was my enemy; the Stepmother usurping her standing as her Daddy’s, ‘special girl’. After many years, we became close friends, putting behind our fraught past, appreciating one another and developing a friendship with respect and genuine fondness.
I’m a good cook (my SD is not) and made meals for both her and her partner while she was undergoing chemotherapy and too ill to brave her kitchen. There are numerous meals, online, for those recovering from cancer and I tried many of them. Instead of losing weight, my dear SD managed to gain a few pounds with my feedings!
Marrying a man with a teenaged daughter is a tense and troubled state of affairs. It takes tolerance and understanding (recalling my own nastiness at that 13–16-year-old stage of my life) to accept a young girl’s sorrow, feeling that she’s been supplanted by an alien woman; not her mother nor a person that she welcomed into her family unit.
We stepmothers, rejected by our stepchildren and bruised from those rebuffed attempts to connect, are criticized for our resentment; we are expected to be all-forgiving and fully understanding. Life is not like that, ‘eh?
It took me a couple of decades to make peace with my SD and I’m so glad that I did!
- JRI
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Re: Don't give up
What a great and inspiring story! Like you, I'm a "mature" (81) SM. Sadly, my relationship with my SD64 is nothing at all like yours. But, I have a success story, too. Back in the day, my YSS, now 59, was not my fan. And, I had misgivings about him, too. He was DH's fave, the baby of the family and, according to DH, could do no wrong. I saw a popular, athletic, witty boy who was skating thru life on Dad's favor and his own charm. I gave it my best shot but we just never jelled. I disengaged in his teens when neither he nor DH listened to me.
Flash forward, YSS launched, married, had a successful career and fathered 3 children. He's lived out of town so I seldom saw him. In the meantime, both he and I matured. Last year, when DH was reluctant to undergo heart surgery, YSS came back and helped convince him to do it. He came back for the operation and was a huge support. Since then, he's helped put the condo we bought for SD to live in on the market. He's defended me to SD. He's helped me decide about home repairs and arranged some of the contractors. We have been texting regularly. It's a miracle.
I hope stories like yours and mine can give the younger SMs hope for their future relations with SKs
- MorningMia
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Re: Don't give up
Good to see you, grannyd!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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