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1 of 1- JRI
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SD64 "In. Crisis"
I hate to be a blog hog about SD64. It never stops.
My phone rang early Sunday morning, I ignored it. After DH89 got up, it rang again and he heard it. I didn't answer cuz I could see it was SD64. He asked who, I told him. He suggested I call her back, I told him to call her so he did. Crying, pitiful tone, need help Dad, I need money for a hotel, I can't stay here anymore. She lives illegally with her daughter, C, and 9 year old grandson in a small 2-bedroom Section 8 apartment. I was waiting to hear management had kicked her out but apparently, it was another spat with C. "I don't have anyplace to live, the waiting list for my own Section 8 is long, I don't know when I'll get in, I've got to leave here". He stalled for awhile then told her to stop by and he'd give her some. I felt like throwing up, I could see never-ending expense while I'm still paying maintenance fees for the condo we bought for her while it's still on the market. After he hung up, he said "Can she live in our basement?". I said no and walked out of the room. He called her back after awhile and she and C apparently made up cuz she never showed up for $.
I feel like anything could happen. DH has opened the door and I know her. Today, she sent me a text asking about DH's recent minor surgical procedure. It feels like she's trying to establish contact to soften me up. I didn't reply. I just wish she'd rent a room someplace til her Section 8 place comes thru.
Sorry to go on and on about her. Thanks for Steptalk so I can vent.
- notarelative
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
SD loves to play the injured. Even when her name gets to the top of the list, she will be whining to DH.
I doubt the apartment will be to her liking.
Good for you on the basement ‘NO’. If my oldest SD moved into our basement, I’d likely end up in jail for helping her down the stairs.
Section 8 housing lists are long. But, she is 64. Has she applied for elderly housing (HUD section 202)?
Those lists can be shorter. Harder to apply for, as you have to apply individually to each specific building (complex) if they are private. But, your chances of getting in faster are greater as vacancies occur more there.
- JRI
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
Thanks for that info, Not. You and I know she should be applying at every Section 8 place possible and checking out this elderly housing. But, I have heard her describe which buildings in C's complex she doesn't want so I can almost guarantee she won't be happy with the first vacancy. And, she doesn't think of herself as elderly, more like 25 years old. When she lived with us, I took her to drive by a nearby place that I think might cater to elderly. She turned up her nose when she saw a wheelchair. That was actually a blessing cuz it would have permanently put her near us.
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Thread Starter- Kes
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
I have always thought SD64 isn't right in the head, behaving like a helpless child at her age. I can sympathise with how you felt, it is my worst nightmare that one of my SDs wants to come and live with us. I don't think SD29 ever would, she's earning well and is independent, but SD31 is a lot like a younger version of SD64. She spends her life trying to get acting jobs and expects DH to bankroll her. However I think she knows there's no chance of living here, as I estranged her in 2022.
- JRI
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
I have been there, done that with SD64 moving in here 4 or 5 times in her life. Never again.
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Thread Starter- Merry
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
Blog hog all you want. We’re invested in the story!
Holding your boundaries with her takes energy. It’s not easy.
- JRI
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
You're right, it's not easy. I'm grateful for the support I'm getting from my DD and YSS who are both more hardline than I am. The one thing that really bothers me is her calling DH89. He has earned some peace. He's an overachiever in life, came from a poor background who achieved success only from his drive and native skills. He's been an exemplary and generous father, not only to his 3 but my 2, also. At 89 with 2 forms of cancer, oncoming dementia and frailty, it's a sin to burden him with her problems. From her standpoint, I guess there's nobody else to call, she's burned everybody else, big time. Sigh....
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Thread Starter- StandingStrong
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
Please do not reply to that woman (SD64). She's doing exactly what you think...trying to reel you in.
Your SD is horrible but also purposeful in her behaviors. She's not as helpless as she tries to come across...she's just lived this way for so long, she'll never stop hounding her dad, who sadly enabled her too long. I'd consider talking with your other kids (that are positives in your life) and ask them about "shielding" your DH from her toxic behaviors. Minimizing phone calls and contact is where I'd start. Then, minimizing to ending her cash grab calls.
JRI, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this mess. Both you and your husband should be enjoying a wonderful, peaceful life. Big hugs.
- JRI
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Re: SD64 "In. Crisis"
Thanks for your kind words, Standing. I've tried to minimize contact. We ditched our landline (which she could remember when jailed without her cell). DH can't can't answer his cell anymore due to his dementia. After her calls Sunday, I turned down my cell's volume so he can't hear it tho I can. If I see her incoming call, I can ignore without him asking who's calling. My DD and YSS are bulwarks but YSS is out of town. My DS will be back in town for good next month and I plan to discuss the situation with him. He's aware of the probs, every time he walks in, he's installing another security device. OSS, a softie, still has pity for her. At DD and YSS's advice, I'm vigilant about locked doors and they advised me to keep windows locked, too can you believe we live like this?
You're correct that she's not as helpless as she acts. Back in the day, when we raising them all, I thought of her as The Survivor. However, DD thinks SD's manipulative powers may be waning. After the episode Sunday, DD said the old SD64 would have been at our door. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop
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