So today was our anniversary - not a big one, but I love celebrations, picking out gifts for people I love, getting excited months in advance about something that’s normally just a half day event, or sometimes not even an event, like sending meaningful gifts for the family members I love and I can’t be with on the day due to geographic distance.

Anyway, I had gotten my SO a gift that I knew he wanted but was never going to be frivolous enough to buy himself, because it’s art and he is not known for spending money on art or anything without a clear purpose.

We then go to an upmarket restaurant that we keep for special occasions only,  I have my nice makeup and dress on, and things are going well until he tells me excitedly about a holiday he’s booked for himself and the spawn (mind you, they never want to spend any time with him unless he’s paying for some extravagant stuff they want and feel its their birthright to have). The holiday happens to be exactly on the long weekend, the next day  after my birthday and that’s when I’d normally be having friends around.

He says he forgot that it was going to be a long weekend (happens every year), he also forgot that I never celebrate my birthdays in advance (a cultural/heritage thing for me), and that also he was hoping we’d celebrate on the actual day (mid week, work for both of us next morning), and when I confront him with the fact that most of my friends live between 1,5-2hrs away and also have to work, he starts suggesting I could drive to celebrate  my birthday where most of them live, which is nonsense in itself, and would also exclude my friends living in another area, as well as those with children, which by this point includes almost all of them.

At this point I can’t wait to finish my meal and get out. All this is on the tails of lengthy discussions of his former in-laws trying to pick a venue in our area for their wedding anniversary and us attending it as their only friends, as they’ve alienated everyone else (their gold digging daughter, the BM to the brats passed away a long time ago).

This is also in addition to my other birthday/long weekend ruined by one of this spawn throwing a massive tantrum in my front yard and our weekend being cut short, with him driving them home and rewarding them with junk food on the way home.

In the past I would have gotten very angry and tried to explain why this is hurtful. Now I just asked to be taken home, cried a bit in the bathroom as I was changing into my pyjamas and said I was going to bed. He seemed surprised and a bit annoyed and suggested that it might be better if he goes home, to which I agreed, as I was struggling with the idea of having to share the bed with him.

Somehow he managed to ruin two occasions in one go: the anniversary and my upcoming birthday. Also, one of my favourite restaurants. The idea of organising my birthday and having to explain to everyone multiple times why my SO is not there does not appeal to me at all, so now that’s off the table.

I’m a part an outdoor adventure group that’s organising a pretty amazing three day weekend on my birthday, so I messaged them and seems like there’s still a spot for me, so I’m going. I’m a bit  angry, but mostly sad. He won’t cancel his holiday and I don’t want him to. I am determined to go on the adventure, and I don’t want him to “make it up for me”. I don’t believe in making-ups, makes me think of cheaters and abusers that turn up with flowers and gifts the next morning. And while my SO is certainly not abusive, he certainly has that uncanny ability to remind me that I’m the sloppy seconds and his relationship with the deceased woman and pleasing her creepy parents and entitled, exploitative children  seems to take priority over the living one, i.e., me.

Last edited by BanksiaRose (7/31/2026 8:00 am)