I feel like my life is on hold.  I feel so stuck and anxious and all the bad feelings. 

My kids are older now, both driving, both have their own cars.  This is the time that my husband and I agreed that it would be time for me to look for a job.  What’s bad about this is I am coming around to the idea and part of me wants to do this.  So why am I having such a hard time getting a resume together and applying?  Sure, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go back to work, who really wants to work and have to answer to other people and deal with annoying coworkers, customers, etc? 

I guess I’m scared.  I’m scared that no one will want to hire me or I’ll be stuck with a job that I absolutely loathe.  I worry about things being neglected at home, my pets not getting the attention they need. I have one guinea pig with a heart condition that is only going to get worse and she doesn’t have long to live, another has self-inflicted dental problems and has to have one of her teeth trimmed every two months or so.  I worry about my time not being my own anymore, I worry that I won’t be able to be present for all of my son’s band events, I won’t have time to exercise and maintain my weight loss, and worry about the cooking and cleaning.  When I worked before, I had to do it all or it wouldn’t be done. 

I don’t even know exactly how to go about finding a job.  I know kind of what I want to do but don’t know how to go about it.  My husband’s cousin has a remote job but she doesn’t know if her job is hiring and surely there are other companies that offer jobs like the one she has.  I need something flexible so that I have the ability to take care of things like vet visits, if our heat goes out like it has every year ever since we got a new air conditioner and new thermostat.  It’s like I freeze and shut down.  Why is it so hard when it’s something I want to do?  Why can’t I take that next step and get that resume done?  Apply for jobs?  I’m getting in my own nerves. 

My husband’s not really pressuring me but his job is not good at the moment.  He’s being way overworked, he’s angry, he comes home drinking a few nights a week and is drunk on weekends.  My kids and I are getting increasingly angry and frustrated with his drinking.  It’s a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to stop.  He tells me just apply and if you don’t like it, I’m working, I’m making enough to pay the bills, just quit if you don’t like the job.  What good will that do? 

Anyone left the workforce for a while and then went back?  Would it be better to try to find part time work?  Temporary?  I’d be happy with full time if it was remote I think. I don’t know where to start.

My kids say they’ll help out more but my daughter is already working and taking college classes and my son is in high school trying to get a job himself, so their time will be limited as well. My daughter can help with the guinea pigs but it’s just everything is driving me crazy right now. 

If you made it this far thank you.  How do I get myself motivated?  Why am I so resistant to change?  Why am I having a hard time taking those first steps to getting a job when it’s something I do want to do. Maybe not 100% but I do want to.