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Unexpected visitors
DH and I were both raised that you do not just stop by; it's rude for a number of reasons AND the household might not be 'open' to drop-ins. The residents could already have guests. Someone could be ill or recovering from illness/surgery. They might be in the middle of renovations. Any number of things.
One of my cousins is INCENSED that we were not available when she and her hubby came into town. For one, we had no idea that was happening. The first time, she left a note on the door. I saw it 4 days later when our neighbor found it in her yard. The second time, both cars were there, but we were NOT. It was a beautiful day so we grabbed fishing gear (DH) and a book (me) and walked to the nearest fishing hole (drive is 2x longer than the walk). I learned about that second attempted invasion when her brother emailed me.
I haven't seen this cousin in 20+ years. When she happened to be at the same tavern as me and my then-bf and proceeded to flirt with then-bf and rub her br3asts against his arm in front of her H. 
I haven't replied to Mr. Cousin's email (I'm notorious for being horribly slow to respond to emails). That side of the family doesn’t have my phone number (and I'd be furious if one of my siblings gave it to them). My Dad always says "they weren't raised right" as they've (3) all been in trouble and wild forever.
What are your feelings on unexpected visitors and how do you handle them?
- Kes
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Re: Unexpected visitors
I don't think your cousin has the right to be "incensed" that you were out - they dropped by unexpectedly so had to take their chances. I prefer people - either friends or relations - to let me know if they want to come so I can buy a cake! It does sound as if maybe you were quite pleased that these people missed you, anyway, so an all round good result, I would say! 
- LittleTypeAmy
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Re: Unexpected visitors
Glad I'm not the only one who feels showing up totally unannounced is inconsiderate.
Especially when there are such things as phones that still exist, even cells, so there is no reason why someone cant just take a minute to pick it up call or text to check in advance or better yet, just don't show up without any kind of invitation communicated.
For me, it just seems like an entitlement thing, ( especially when relatives you really would rather not hang out with show up) As if people have so little respect for your time, space and privacy to feel like everyone has to just drop everything on a time to pay attention to THEM, because their time is more important that yours, , I cant stand people who just insist upon themselves like that.since to IMO it is the definition of being rude too.
- ESMOD
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Re: Unexpected visitors
People you haven't seen in 20 years... don't even have a phone communication with them? I think there should have been zero expectation that you would be home and available to socialize with them.
I'm wondering whether they were hoping for a free place to overstay their welcome?
I guess perhaps the only way I might contact someone would be if I was driving through their town and had some kind of emergency.. breakdown and needed help.. but I wouldn't have been angry they weren't around.
- Merry
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Re: Unexpected visitors
My niece (who I like) asked if she could stay with us as they passed through our town. Sure, of course. She never mentioned a date or other specifics so I didn’t think about it again.
A couple of months later I got a phone call when they were two hours out. Them, another couple and their child, and a dog. Happily, we were in the midst of a bathroom remodel and DH and I were using the guest room. So sorry.
I did take them a six pack of local beer to their hotel room. She was fine. Her husband was chilly. They are no longer together—he needed to be the center of attention. I don’t think he had a stepparent but clearly had the playbook.