Oh yes. That’s one of the many versions of “Look at MEEEEE” for my skids too.  I swear there is a playbook.

advice.only2 wrote:

I mean sorry for you, but exGF dodged a bullet for sure!

Ha! I almost wrote, "She dodged a bullet." She did. As DH would say, she dodged a nuke. 

That meltdown after we spent our first weekend get-away together was the worst. A head-scratching shock which somehow even surprised DH, who knew these people (BM and SD in particular). I backed up from the relationship at that point and expressed my concerns, but DH "handled" it over the following few years we dated. Rather than be confrontational with BM, I think he manipulated her. What she needed was strong boundaries, but we learned a few years later that her reaction to boundaries was insane. So, while there were things that happened that I would describe as weird, full-blown intrusion and chaos didn't occur until shortly after we married. 

We spent our first two years of marriage "getting nuked," as DH called it. But he wasn't handling it well at all. It's like he froze. So I decided we'd separate. I was ready for divorce. We lived separately and DH found a marriage counselor for us. When we moved in together again and put clear boundaries in place, BM completely freaked out (focused on me), at which point I backed her up and pushed her out of our lives. The intrusion ended there. Gave the skids a reason to hate me (more), but our lives regained more peace.  

Through the years, I didn't attend graduations. I didn't go with DH to visit the skids (my choice). They visited us occasionally and SD at around 18 was soon banned from our home because of her behavior. So, the skid issues lingered through the years, and there were some bad incidents--passive aggressive behavior, SD's wedding, and the horrible behavior when DH was in the hospital a few years ago--but they were and are not front-and-center in our lives and, thankfully, they never lived near us.  

At this point in our lives after all these years, we're the most settled in our marriage we've ever been. We don't have as much fun as we used to because we're not as active as a couple due to DH's health issues (I think our adventures were our glue through the years) but we are more content. 

Even so, would I ever recommend that women get involved with divorced men with kids? Sorry--no.  
Would I say run at the first glaring red flare? Probably. Run fast and far.

Then I wonder: What if I had ended up with someone else? There is infidelity in marriages. Addiction issues. Financial issues. Mental health problems. Abuse. All kinds of other problems. Is this just one of the problems couples face? 

 

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

Totally gross BM behavior - but "it's ALLLLL about the kids" BS. NO, BM uses the SKIDs as pawns to try to control DH. This story highlights the crazy stuff BMs are doing while SM are wondering why no one is seeing this as CRAZY. I didn't have a crazy BM but a DIL whose mom was a great representation of a BM- she stripped every last piece of her ex apart and it was sad, horrible to watch. He was reduced to nothing and she still continued to peck at him and eat every last morsel of his confidence. Her spirit animal is a vulture.

People like this know that what they're doing is wrong. It's why BM here stopped harassing us when I told her I was going to release all of her nasty-gram emails and voicemails to her employer (half of which were sent during work hours). 

So, they know their behavior is bad and they purposely hide it from others. They don't tell their family and friends that they are calling our homes with drama every other day just at dinner time. They don't tell their family and friends that they make up crises every Friday night and/or just as their ex's and their ex's spouses are heading for vacation. They don't tell their family and friends that they called 25 hotels to find out where their ex-husband is staying with his girlfriend. So, when WE express an issue with their behavior, waaa waaaa, we are mean. That is what gets reported to their family and friends. They are the victims. On our end, unless someone is living our lives in our homes with us, I don't think many can understand how bad it can be. Then there is the "poor little children of divorce . . . . " attitude, tending to look at the skids as victims (but not victims of their toxic BMs). 

I have one sister who is like your DIL's mom. Even our father yelled at her about her first ex, "What will make you happy? Taking him out in a field and shooting him?!"  She was set on destroying people. I refused to go back to her home after one holiday and witnessing her treatment of her second husband (who she later discarded). "Vulture" is the word. It is very sad. 

Last edited by MorningMia (5/01/2026 8:28 am)