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- Nachom0m
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Sometimes I feel like getting a divorce
Hi!THIS WILL BE LONG I've never had anyone to talk about this, so this is really me just letting out some of my bottled up feelings and thoughts. I have been with my husband for almost 9 yrs we have a 7yo and he has a 10 yo son from a previous relationship, they were never married and also not together for a long time. The boy was 1 when we started dating, DH never forced me to have a relationship with SS, but the times we tried SS always started crying hysterically. So DH would have his own time with him.
About 2 yrs later I found out I was pregnant while on BC, BM started adding me on Facebook from her friend's profiles and making rude comments about myself to DH. I ended up deleting all my social media accounts. Additionally she would send pictures of "the kid" showing mostly her cleavage and texting all day. We talked about this and I told him to set some boundaries which he did. Later on he started working away, so from pregnancy up to date I have cared for our DD pretty much all by myself as I have 0 village. DH's family has been absent since he told them I was pregnant, but they are present on SS life.BM wants everyone on social media even new family members. BM moved a couple blocks away from their house with her now ex-husband and NEW CHILD and would casually drop off the kid anytime she felt like. MIL has a huge picture of SS on the entrance of her home, but none of them ever remember DDs b-day (they live 10 min away) and they have never visited her. They met her 3 months after she was born only because DH took her on x-mas.
Not so long ago DH had to call out from work and drive 5 hrs because BM left SS at her EX-HUSBANDS home because she had a date with a new guy SS was BURNING IN FEVER so he took him to the doc ASAP. I've always felt like she uses the kid for revenge ,he has been obese since he was an infant and has rotten teeth, she would rather wait days for DH to take SS to the doctor even if DH sent her money to do so. DD has met SS but they don't really have a relationship, he still acts hysterical around people he starts crying uncontrollably . I think DD doesn't understand what's going on yet, I don't know how to explain this to her either. BM has been asking for $200-300 weekly lately because SS had to get all his rotten teeth fixed and the doc put him on a diet. Every time she asks for money she will send a message saying "the baby needs" THE BABYYYYY? DD sleeps with a photo of DH in her pillow because he is never home but I've always made sure to feed her right and brush/floss her teeth. She has 0 cavities and her weight is good WHY was it so hard for her? SS has a card where DH deposits money, that money could be spent somewhere good the kid wouldn't be suffering in pain from his rotten teeth or psychological effects from having to be on a diet at such young age.
Sometimes I feel like getting a divorce. I have 0 desire of building a relationship with SS also I don't feel comfortable with him being around DD because of the things he's been exposed to (multiple men around his life) and chaos. I have been wanting to communicate all this to my DH but I don't know where to start. I love him and our little family, but sometimes I feel like the only way to protect DD from this chaos is by getting a divorce. I feel like the kid would be in a much better place if my husband fought for custody and got a local job. It would be hard for me as I have no help, but I feel like it would give me peace of mind. Should I tell my husband? Should I explain DD or just wait until she's older? I'm also scared that she will resent him for all this because she is an empath. Sometimes I feel like moving to another country and starting from 0, I love DD and without all this she wouldn't be here but I wish I would of been wiser.
Last edited by Nachom0m (9/03/2025 4:49 pm)
- Nachom0m
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Re: Sometimes I feel like getting a divorce
I believe wanting a divorce doesn't come from me being a solo mom, it's rooted in the fact that I feel sort of guilty. Guilty because I think that DH might be a better parent to him if me and DD weren't here. I like that DH doesn't force us to be around SS and his family, but I feel bad for the kid, no child deserves that kind of abuse. I like our marriage overall we have goals, we are building our dream house but I guess overthinking its taking a toll on me.
I truly don't know how or why DH deposits directly to his card and I've never asked either. I just know they had a lot of conflict before therefore that might be the reason. He had gotten to the point of only texting SS, but SIL sent a screenshot to him of BM asking for "her brother" on fb messenger and DH texted her they had like a 10 min call because SS was getting a tonsillectomy. DH made an appointment with an ENT for a second opinion, but she declined the offer. That's when she started asking for money every week with this long texts, it irritates me because she overexplains instead of just sending the picture of the bill to show proof and DH just replies with "I'll deposit later". I might be overreacting also but I feel rage when she says "THE BABY NEEDS" why can she just say his name? DH also sent her a message asking her "How is my boy?" and it makes me mad bc I know how delusional she is and it might be hard to admit but it makes me insecure.
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Thread Starter- ESMOD
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Re: Sometimes I feel like getting a divorce
You have a massive partner problem.
1. Why doesn't he care enough about his son to have his problems looked into? Crying hysterically? really? has he been evaluated for mental issues? Has anyone tried to get him into therapy.. wow. And the weight and teeth.. he has been seeing the kid.. he could take him to the DR or Dentist right?
2. But.. I think you are saying your partner does not work locally and basically is absent all the time? so the little time he is local he is with his other child? Or does he just work long hours and your DD is not awake most of the time he is home? Your partner needs to figure out how to prioritize spending time with you and his daughter too.
3. Why on earth has he tolerated his family icing you and your daughter out? I mean.. it sounds like maybe you are his dirty little secret.. do they know you exist? I mean... he should have insisted they treat you better. that might not mean babysitting and bringing you food.. but they could certainly remember birthdays.
- Nachom0m
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Re: Sometimes I feel like getting a divorce
1. He takes him to the DR, but there's only so much an individual can do if both of them are not on the same page about their child's health.
2.He works away and comes 2-8 times a month, it always feels rushed but we manage to at least go out to eat or take a small road trip if time allows it. He then spends time with SS before he leaves for work again which is usually a Sunday.
3. We are not his "dirty little secret" they all know we exist. When DD turned 1 we threw a big party for her and DH invited all his family members despite them not making an effort of getting to know her prior. They also attended to our wedding. They know where we live and SIL who lives 2 houses away from MIL'S home has my phone number they just chose not be around. MIL did get a streak where she visited regularly, but it didn't last long. We talked about this and the best decision is to keep them away because we are never winning this battle. They all enable BM's behavior although has gone as far as accusing MIL of hitting the child and getting police involved, she also shows up to their homes and makes scenes and she still had the audacity to move 2 blocks away from them LOL.
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