Step Chat - a safe place where stepparents can vent » social media.. just don't

ESMOD · 3/31/2026 7:45 am

This site is great.. for support.. for venting.

Social media? no.. don't air your dirty laundry there.. the people that matter know the truth.. the ones that don't.. don't matter.

Rumplestiltskin · 3/31/2026 1:08 pm

I post anonymously so nobody in my “real” life has to know about my dirty laundry! I agree, social media drama is a bad look!

ImperfectlyPerfect · 3/31/2026 2:57 pm

Yeah...I've never used social media to air dirty laundry but toxic SKIDs used to have a hold of viewing my page and WOW you wouldn't believe how my and DH's happiness really got under their skin. One adult male SKID actually went to DH and asked if the two "men" could control stepmom's account and read over before she posts and decide what stays vs. what goes. Ummmmmm.....what?! DH didn't buy into it but scary to think an adult male stepson would think he'd have the authority to decide what stepmom can and cannot post.... I will also note there was NOT one controversial post- not one. Not on politics, religion or dirty laundry - all happy, all experiences or fun quotes. This step world is turned upside down by these toads.

Last edited by ImperfectlyPerfect (3/31/2026 2:58 pm)

StandingStrong · 3/31/2026 3:52 pm

Strongly agree. It's just so embarrassing for yourself and for others to have to endure...unless you have followers that thrive on drama. Ugh.

It is to be noted not one of DHs kids are on my social media page (I only have a Facebook). :-)

Aniki-Moderator · 3/31/2026 8:41 pm

I never understood why people use social media like an online and very public diary. Any time I see one of those posts, it screams, "Look at me!!!"

ESMOD · Yesterday 6:51 am

In this case, the person basically posted the documented reason for the divorce being abuse.... and it's true (but obviously not the whole story).... and I think the goal was to combat her EX trashing her with his circle (that she has to interact with via sports for her kids). But, there was also a negative finding in the decree about something she did (which is actually not totally final yet because they both have not signed it.. him dragging his feet)..and she relies on his family for childcare (part of the divorce agreement).. and she hasn't gotten the monetary settlement.. so why post something you know will p!ss them off and make them even less likely to be cooperative.. when the end result is not going to help the gossip train anyway.

Rags · Yesterday 9:39 am

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:
Yeah...I've never used social media to air dirty laundry but toxic SKIDs used to have a hold of viewing my page and WOW you wouldn't believe how my and DH's happiness really got under their skin. One adult male SKID actually went to DH and asked if the two "men" could control stepmom's account and read over before she posts and decide what stays vs. what goes. Ummmmmm.....what?! DH didn't buy into it but scary to think an adult male stepson would think he'd have the authority to decide what stepmom can and cannot post.... I will also note there was NOT one controversial post- not one. Not on politics, religion or dirty laundry - all happy, all experiences or fun quotes. This step world is turned upside down by these toads.

Wow! How much power you have over an idiot Skidult who wants his daddy to sensor your FB posts because you and your DH being happy hurts his moron feelings.

Some spawn really should have never been born.

This is so pathetic that it is mind boggling that it is even a thing anyone would come up with.

I think leading that moron Skidult around by his porcine nose ring would be a grand hobby to consider. Lots of full-frontal FB posts about the happy life of adventure you and your DH are living.

Of the main Social Media platforms I have only a FB account that I use to stay in touch with people. I belong to a couple of alumni groups for different schools I attended, and acquaintances from different phases of my life. I learned not to do much of anything on there other than follow people I am interested in maintaining contact with. A couple of what I thought were inocuous political memes blew up so... no more of that. I do belong to a couple of anonymous chat sites that I enjoy dropping into upon occassion.

Last edited by Rags (Yesterday 9:48 am)

Rags · Yesterday 9:41 am

ESMOD wrote:
In this case, the person basically posted the documented reason for the divorce being abuse.... and it's true (but obviously not the whole story).... and I think the goal was to combat her EX trashing her with his circle (that she has to interact with via sports for her kids). But, there was also a negative finding in the decree about something she did (which is actually not totally final yet because they both have not signed it.. him dragging his feet)..and she relies on his family for childcare (part of the divorce agreement).. and she hasn't gotten the monetary settlement.. so why post something you know will p!ss them off and make them even less likely to be cooperative.. when the end result is not going to help the gossip train anyway.

A testament to why this is such a special community. People can vent, rant, work through issues, and not cause themselves problems IRL.

ImperfectlyPerfect · Yesterday 12:49 pm

Rags wrote:
ESMOD wrote:
In this case, the person basically posted the documented reason for the divorce being abuse.... and it's true (but obviously not the whole story).... and I think the goal was to combat her EX trashing her with his circle (that she has to interact with via sports for her kids). But, there was also a negative finding in the decree about something she did (which is actually not totally final yet because they both have not signed it.. him dragging his feet)..and she relies on his family for childcare (part of the divorce agreement).. and she hasn't gotten the monetary settlement.. so why post something you know will p!ss them off and make them even less likely to be cooperative.. when the end result is not going to help the gossip train anyway.

A testament to why this is such a special community. People can vent, rant, work through issues, and not cause themselves problems IRL.

YES so very important this group.

LittleTypeAmy · Yesterday 1:48 pm

I am also getting more and more disenchanted as well as unimpressed with social media. Actually made a point to take breaks from it or from my phone in general for that reason.
Also learned, in the realm of step-world and beyond, is that you cant post ANYTHING anymore without someone having to butt In with their two cents or take the post way too seriously and or personally. It doesn't even have to be anything remotely political, and the constant barrage of those kind of posts get exhausting and divisive already in an of themselves. Thats why I have become a lot more private on Facebook and what not, or at least determine my privacy settings for posts defaulted to ONLY ME, so I can decide if and what I wish to share for others.
Although in the case of @ImperfectlyPerfect...if my POS skid had that gall to try to control my page, I would make damn sure I would post MORE of whatever he found offensive all the time just to p!ss him off.
Makes me glad I am not FB friends with my SKID, whose online presence there has been sporadic, just like that in real life, Thankfully. Last I heard, she was involved with Only Fans, so maybe too busy keeping up with that account. Thats fine as long as I don't have to deal with her.
When we actually were FB friends for a minute, all she did was post all day about her being "BORD" or just constant complaining, which I notice some people just use their page for that reason, THey whine and beeyotch, all woe is me... about how much their lives suck, yet noticably, have the time and energy to post their problems yet none to actually stop wallowing and DO something constuctive about them. Its almost like they want to complain on the internet or do anything just for Attention,,,it all gets old and annoying so fast ...

Last edited by LittleTypeAmy (Yesterday 1:54 pm)

Meera · Yesterday 11:16 pm

Social media is not the place for saying anything about step-life, ever, IMO. In fact, it's better not to say anything about SL in nearly all contexts. I only speak to close friends, my immediate, close family members or other SP's that have been through similar scenarios. Most people do not have any clue unless they have lived it.

I do love the community here at ST.

Fortunately I am not connected in any way to Sdiablas on Social Media. I prefer not seeing what they post but I do hear from family members, through the grapevine, that SD's sing the praises of BM on social media while minimizing DH's contributions in their lives.

Meera · Yesterday 11:22 pm

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:
Yeah...I've never used social media to air dirty laundry but toxic SKIDs used to have a hold of viewing my page and WOW you wouldn't believe how my and DH's happiness really got under their skin. One adult male SKID actually went to DH and asked if the two "men" could control stepmom's account and read over before she posts and decide what stays vs. what goes. Ummmmmm.....what?! DH didn't buy into it but scary to think an adult male stepson would think he'd have the authority to decide what stepmom can and cannot post.... I will also note there was NOT one controversial post- not one. Not on politics, religion or dirty laundry - all happy, all experiences or fun quotes. This step world is turned upside down by these toads.

Wow! That is bonkers!

Kes · Today 3:14 am

I am not on Instagram, which is the main one my SDs are on. I have a minimal presence on Facebook - no friends and post nothing - I like to look at photos of landscapes and parrots talking etc! In the bad old days, SDs used to post things that were supposed to show up DH and I - and glorify BM. It's funny how things turn because SD31 is now estranged from BM and SD29 hardly sees her. I think that social media has had its day and is on the decline, actually.

ImperfectlyPerfect · Today 9:50 am

Rags wrote:
ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:
Yeah...I've never used social media to air dirty laundry but toxic SKIDs used to have a hold of viewing my page and WOW you wouldn't believe how my and DH's happiness really got under their skin. One adult male SKID actually went to DH and asked if the two "men" could control stepmom's account and read over before she posts and decide what stays vs. what goes. Ummmmmm.....what?! DH didn't buy into it but scary to think an adult male stepson would think he'd have the authority to decide what stepmom can and cannot post.... I will also note there was NOT one controversial post- not one. Not on politics, religion or dirty laundry - all happy, all experiences or fun quotes. This step world is turned upside down by these toads.
Wow! How much power you have over an idiot Skidult who wants his daddy to sensor your FB posts because you and your DH being happy hurts his moron feelings.

Some spawn really should have never been born.

This is so pathetic that it is mind boggling that it is even a thing anyone would come up with.

I think leading that moron Skidult around by his porcine nose ring would be a grand hobby to consider. Lots of full-frontal FB posts about the happy life of adventure you and your DH are living.

Of the main Social Media platforms I have only a FB account that I use to stay in touch with people. I belong to a couple of alumni groups for different schools I attended, and acquaintances from different phases of my life. I learned not to do much of anything on there other than follow people I am interested in maintaining contact with. A couple of what I thought were inocuous political memes blew up so... no more of that. I do belong to a couple of anonymous chat sites that I enjoy dropping into upon occassion.

@Rags- if you would have heard the phone call the adult SKID made....Dadddeeee (coming from adult male) my little feelings are hurt. What can we do to get stepmom "back on track"? Suggests little committee to review stepmoms social media content also reveals that SKID, Bride of SKID and Bride of SKID's mom review content together. Suggests little committee to stop stepmom's freedom of speech. Stepmom turns over social media- full of love, happiness NOTHING flagrant at all. SKID expresses so sad that posts are not about him - well buddy....there's nothing about what you are doing that I want to proudly post NOR am I obligated as you reach adulthood to dedicate myself to you. So I think his feelings were "hurt" not being on my posts but also probably sad about how HAPPY my posts were. He'd like us to wallow and be unhappy like he is. We're not. I lived and wadded through his miserable perspective on life for a decade always holding out hope and giving a lot of room for the BIG emotions and stuffing down my own feelings even my happiness to let his misery take over.

As for born or not born- I am glad he was born. he could have turned out differently and in some respects he is different pending on the group of people. According to him he is beloved at work and on a "fast track." Good for him. Evidence indicates to me that he does have the ability to stay in a job, move steadily and seems to be doing that - is he as brilliant as he perceives himself? Who knows ? My perspective is that's he's average- not amazing but not below either. That's fine by me. From my perception he's in a steady career track, nothing extraordinary but stable. But inside his mind is where the stuff gets weird and distorted. So the social media control tactic was likely born out of this distortion and maybe one last attempt at controlling after I stepped out of the miserable, sad victim outlook that seemed to ring true in his life, but not mine.

Last edited by ImperfectlyPerfect (Today 10:06 am)

Merry · Today 10:03 am

SD has not unfriended either of us. It’s how she nurtures her “hurt” and “outrage.” DH is supposed to be sitting around pining for her and groveling for her attention.

I hope she’s blowing a gasket over our travel photos and pictures of us laughing and holding hands living our life together.

ImperfectlyPerfect · Today 10:08 am

Merry wrote:
SD has not unfriended either of us. It’s how she nurtures her “hurt” and “outrage.” DH is supposed to be sitting around pining for her and groveling for her attention.

I hope she’s blowing a gasket over our travel photos and pictures of us laughing and holding hands living our life together.

Ohhhh I bet she IS. Go live your best life @Merry ! :D

Rags · Today 1:55 pm

Kes wrote:
I am not on Instagram, which is the main one my SDs are on. I have a minimal presence on Facebook - no friends and post nothing - I like to look at photos of landscapes and parrots talking etc! In the bad old days, SDs used to post things that were supposed to show up DH and I - and glorify BM. It's funny how things turn because SD31 is now estranged from BM and SD29 hardly sees her. I think that social media has had its day and is on the decline, actually.

Parrots talking
I miss our Max.

A Senegal that we rescued when he was 14mos post hatch. I got a call from a long-time college friend who I had recruited to the company we were working for at that time. He was working night shift as a test engineer in a different business unit than the one I was in and one of his shift mates told him to find someone to take his parrot or he would release it because it was driving him insane.

I picked up the bird, the cage, etc... the next day and our lives changed. I have been a bird guy since I was a kid. Parakeets, and cockatiels. Max was my first and only hard billed parrot. What an incredible family member he was.

We got him when our son was 3yo. He had been at our home for 3days when my test bay phone rang. It was my DW. "Do you know what your bird just did?". For 3days the kid and the bird had stared at each other. The kid was fixated standing outside of Max's cage. After three days of silence Max (who was newly renamed from Paco), Max screamed at the top of his lungs "SHUTTUP GODDAMNIT!". That was the extent of his vocabulary other than doing Grackle screams. The guy who had acquired him as a hatchling lived in an apartment complex that was built in an old pecan orchard that the grackles would roost in.

It did not take long for us to understand that "SUTTUP GODDDAMNIT!" meant "Somebody say something it is too quiet in here.". He passed at 24yo in 2019. I miss that little winged rat. He was the heart or our family and ran it with an iron will for a very long time. Though spring breeding season was pure hell. Loud and very nippy. He would stomp around grumbling softly "Damnit damnit!" He ended up with a vocabulary of more than 25 words and phrases as well as countless different chimes, bells, alarms, etc... that he emulated, which for a Senegal is pretty significant. Of course there was shuttup goddamnit, damnit, damnit damnit, whatcha doin?, gimme kiss, where's Cody?, where's Heidi,Heidiiiiiii, Codyyyyyyyy, Daddyyyyyyy! (I blame DW and SS for that one as SS was 3yo when Max invaded our home), Hello, Wow!, pretty bird, baseball! (He loved playing baseball. I would place my hand on the floor; he would roll onto his back into my palm then curl into a ball and I would toss him across the room. He would open his wings and flutter to the floor laughing then would march back across the room chuckling and repeatedly saying baseball). We kept his wings trimmed so he could only drop at a controlled speed. I did not want him escaping or crashing into ceiling fans. He would tell me that it was time to test my blood sugar by emulating the beep of my blood glucose meter. Any time he did that sound, I was invariably either heading low or high. No one taught him to do it. He observed and could sense my BG was not where it should be. He barked like our neighbor's dog, did the microwave, doorbell, telephone ringer, he would get all excited and start calling for whoever was driving into the driveway at the end of the workday. He knew the sounds of my truck and DW's car.

I miss the little guy.

I learned my lesson on FB, no politics, no family drama. Just contact. No opinions, nothing. SS has an account but no presence on FB. He learned that the SpermClan stalks and manipulates through FB. They stalk my account though I am not friends with any of them.

ImperfectlyPerfect · Today 3:07 pm

Meera wrote:
ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:
Yeah...I've never used social media to air dirty laundry but toxic SKIDs used to have a hold of viewing my page and WOW you wouldn't believe how my and DH's happiness really got under their skin. One adult male SKID actually went to DH and asked if the two "men" could control stepmom's account and read over before she posts and decide what stays vs. what goes. Ummmmmm.....what?! DH didn't buy into it but scary to think an adult male stepson would think he'd have the authority to decide what stepmom can and cannot post.... I will also note there was NOT one controversial post- not one. Not on politics, religion or dirty laundry - all happy, all experiences or fun quotes. This step world is turned upside down by these toads.

Wow! That is bonkers!

@Meera It's totally bonkers- I can't even begin to really understand where SKID was coming from....