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- Rags
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Re: Call the Whambulance
As sometimes difficult as it may be, living well is both the best example for those who should heed it, and it is the best revenge against those who won't. It is their choice to embrace that example, or not. If they do not, they don't join in living their best lives. If they do, it can be an amazing experience for everyone in the picture.
We cannot force them, but we can keep them at an appropriate distance when they choose to not comply with what is required to benefit from what we provide as our example and what we can bring to their lives.
I know that my perspective is binary, black or white. They engage healthily or they go away. In this, IMHO there can and should be no middle ground.
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- ImperfectlyPerfect
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Re: Call the Whambulance
Rumplestiltskin wrote:
@ImperfectlyPerfect - if the rest of the relationship had been worth it, i would have likely done as you are doing.
@Rags - I agree about actions. I hung around as long as i felt my SO was *trying* his best, even if what he did wasn’t exactly, well, enough. When he started going to the bar every night and i caught him sneakily texting his latest “work wife” (or was she a work daughter, hard to tell) for the last time i could stomach, the switch flipped. The good actions dwindled to the point they didn’t outweigh the bullshite.
@Rumple- this sounds awful- I am so sorry you went through this for so long. I am happy for you though, I think there's a huge upside to recognizing this isn't working.
@Rags- great statements above. Yeah, I used to believe love was unconditional I do NOT believe that anymore. It's absolutely conditional on respect, reciprocation and kindness for me which they show none of these attributes to me. So...we are where we are and my life has become exponentially less stressful and happy. 
One SKID is sort of love bombing me right now - I've thanked him for his kindness but I highly doubt a behavior or attitude shift. I don't plan to change my path or make any effort to inconvenience myself for either SKID.