I love this! I "triggered" someone on Reddit a while back when I said that kind feelings, compassion, and kind actions were/are necessary for the survival of the species. Where would we be without cooperation? 

In his book, "The Myth of Normal" addiction expert and therapist Gabor Mate details his observations on how emotional factors can be at the root of many physical illnesses and conditions, as well as mental illness.  It's a groundbreaking book, and some might find it controversial, but it has helped me understand some of the complaints that I and members of my family have suffered from.  

Kes wrote:

Feelings were difficult for me all through my childhood (I was neglected), and into young adulthood.  Then in my 20s I attended a year's course on group dynamics and human relations.  The tutor was very much in favour of feelings, and frequently said he aimed to live his life in an authentic, feeling way.  This was the start of the turnaround of my relationship with my feelings.  
I often notice that my feelings "know" stuff before I have become aware of it in my thinking brain.  
What part have feelings played in your life?  There are often a lot of strong and painful feelings involved in step life. 
This is what google says is the point of feelings:

• Survival & Protection: Feelings act as rapid-response systems. Fear triggers your fight-or-flight response to avoid danger, while disgust prompts you to reject potentially toxic food.
• Decision-Making: Research shows that people with damage to emotional brain centers struggle to make even simple decisions. Feelings provide the "value" or "gut instinct" that helps you weigh options and act.
• Communication: Your facial expressions and body language signal your internal state to others. For example, showing sadness can signal a need for support, while anger communicates that a boundary has been crossed.
• Motivation: Emotions move you toward what you value. Joy reinforces positive behaviours, while guilt or shame can motivate you to correct mistakes and maintain social bonds. 

I get where you are coming from as far as wondering what is the point of feelings? I also had a difficult childhood. I had a couple of traumas in childhood that forced me to dig deep and be strong. 

From what I understand, one has to feel fully in order to live fully. Easier said than done as far as I am concerned. 

The example of "showing sadness can signal a need for support, while anger communicates that a boundary has been crossed" made me realize where the value of emotions somewhat falls apart for me.

I have seen too many personality disordered or predator types use emotion signaling as a way to gain power, influence and control over others. For example, pretending to be sad in order to gain sympathy or pretending to be angry at a victim as a way to cast doubt on the integrity of the victim. 

Another area where it goes badly is fully showing emotions may be used against you by people who mean you harm. Not everyone has earned a right to be trusted with all your emotions. 

So yeah, live fully and have emotions but you don't necessarily need to fully share with those who don't get you or care about you. Be open with those who have earned that place in your life. 

 

Last edited by Meera (2/19/2026 9:54 pm)

Lately I have been reading about co-regulation - the process where one person helps another regulate their emotions through supportive presence, attunement, and modeling calm behaviour. If you've never had this as a child it is hard to learn to self-regulate.  If you have a partner who can do this for you, it's invaluable.