I don’t know but if you find out let me know! Lol

I suggest they find jobs outside of your home so they are around less to mess up your house. Bonus, they make a little of their own money and maybe even learn a life skill?

Last edited by Meera (2/18/2026 1:02 am)

Before you get to this question, you need to look at some others first.

1.  Are you the stepfather in this situation? 
2.  If so.. how long have you been in their lives?  What expectations has their mother (and father) had for them regarding responsibilities around the home?

My first gut instinct is to tell you to NOT try to get the boys involved in chores if they have grown up with zero expectations from their bio parents.. and especially if you are new to their lives.

They say that correction without connection will breed resentment.. and it does... these kids are not going to take too kindly to a new adult in their life trying to put more responsibilities on them.. 

And, before you feel that I am disagreeing with chores in general.. I'm not.  I absolutely agree that kids having responsibilities around the home serves many purposes and is a positive thing in their development. However, it just seems to rarely work if Dad's wife, or Mom's husband start trying to crack down on them when they have lived without any expecations.. because we don't generally just start expecting things when kids are teens.. they are taught all along their childhood.. so if they never got the foundation of helping when they were little kids.. it's tough to make a change now.

But, to your original question.. the first and foremost thing that has to happen is that your partner WANTS this change. I don't mean.. is willing to make the change to make you happy.. or to shut you up... but fully agrees and wants her kids to do more.  The last thing you want to happen is to overhear her say. "can't you just take out the dang trash to get Mick off my back?" 

So, assume she is all happy and on board with her kids doing things.. also make sure it's reasonable within the boundaries of visitation.. if they are there full time.. it's different from kids that are only there every other weekend..

Motivation is dependent on their "currency".. some kids it's money.. some it's access to vehicles.. some it's freedom to do certain things... play video games have a later curfew..etc.. 

The best person to hand out chores and give the motivations is their bio parent.. it may be tough to sit by if she isn't sticking to her guns.. but if she can't or won't.. it's just not going to happen.. and at that point, you need to figure out how to disengage from it.

Rags wrote:

Mick wrote:

Hey all. First time poster, lurked on Steptalk.
I'm not ready yet to share my full story. I'm looking for ways to motivate teen boys for chores - indoor and out.
Thanks. 

IMHO chores are the duty that a kid owes the family and household. They are not compensated, nor are they used as a punishment.  They are assigned, and they have to be done in a timely manner.  If the kid chooses not to do do them, the kid loses all discretionary control over their time and privileges until they are completed to the standards required.   Keep it simple. 

Getting paid is for above and beyond activities.  Punishments should be pointed, focused, and not be something that the kid should do anyway.   

As for motivation.  Active demonstration of how the chore is done up front.  Regular check in on progress. Then direct feedback once the chore is completed.  This builds trust, connection, and motivates the kid to focus and get it done and done well.

All IMHO of course. 
 

When I was a kid my older sister and I shared dinner dishwashing responsibilities, trading off nights. I was a good little girl and did them immediately. My sister, on the other hand, procrastinated.

So the deal was if she hadn’t started them by 8PM she had to do them the next night too. I would go months without having to do the dishes. It was so idiotic. It wasn’t as if she got out of doing them if she started them late.

It still perplexes me. I mean she was always late for everything but this was self-sabotage.