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1 of 1- Meera
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Las Diablas Strike again
Over the holidays, things have been fairly quiet in the Diabla domain.
The last intrusion was YSD27 descending upon us the same day my DD22 was having a party. Then YSD stayed for several weeks because she had no place else to go.
Fortunately, after a few weeks she took off and stayed away over the holidays, picking up mini-jobs and hanging out with BM and OSD29.
For context, YSD27 has a degree. There is no reasonable explanation as to why she isn’t working a regular job.
I have been enjoying the minimal interaction with SD’s. Of course all good things come to an end, especially when spoiled, whiny, manipulative SD’s are involved.
OSD called DH today, a rare occurrence. DH was pretty quiet after the call which typically means SD is up to something. I don’t really want to be involved but I do want a general idea of what they are scheming so I asked DH why she called?
Turns out OSD called him to ask him to help YSD buy a new car. Her car is crap and it’s about to die. She really needs a different car and blah blah blah.
I have made a conscious choice to stay disengaged but I did ask him, “Why is OSD asking you? Why doesn’t YSD ask you (for this significant, costly loan?) herself? DH said YSD doesn’t feel “comfortable” about things (Lol!) and so OSD is asking for her.
Here we go with triangulating BM style games. YSD doesn’t feel “comfortable” because she has been a horrid, ungrateful brat and now she is mad there are established boundaries for her. She doesn’t get free run of the roost in our home anymore.
If DH wants to pay out for her with his own money then that’s his problem. If he wants to play monkey in the middle with OSD and YSD that’s his problem. I am staying out of it.
“Hmm? Oh, ok.” That’s all I said.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- MorningMia
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Re: Las Diablas Strike again
UGH. How frustrating. Ah, yes, breathe in, breathe out. Not my circus; not my monkeys. Woops--you said he was monkey in the middle. 
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Tryingjusttrying
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Re: Las Diablas Strike again
I would be suspicious of the SDs' approach as well. There was way too much triangulation in my situation early on, and it was never good. I would encourage DH to ask YSD to ask him herself. That would signal at least he wants straight and direct dealings. That would also cut down on the potential for manipulation.
- Meera
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Re: Las Diablas Strike again
Tryingjusttrying wrote:
I would be suspicious of the SDs' approach as well. There was way too much triangulation in my situation early on, and it was never good. I would encourage DH to ask YSD to ask him herself. That would signal at least he wants straight and direct dealings. That would also cut down on the potential for manipulation.
It reeks of BM's style of communication while the SD's were minors. BM made demands on SD's "behalf" that were really her own agenda, often the SD's didn't want or even know about BM's demands. OSD has taken on this role in the family now that the SD's are grown and BM has finally lost her power. BM's demands were really about thinly veiled "I'm such a victim. Look at how hard I have it." while she and SD's actually had a very comfortable, cushy setup. (She was able to buy a house in a nice neighborhood, luxury car, maintain the SD's extracurricular activities etc.) She is a vengeful person, has a rotten personality and has a scarcity mindset. Unfortunately she has passed on these characteristics to the SD's.
The implication is that it's DH's responsibly to cover for YSD's lack of responsibility. She constantly job hops because she too lazy to keep a job, she spends on completely unnecessary things and she doesn't save. All her moving around is expensive.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
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