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1 of 1- Dahlia8448
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I’m baffled
We have my partners middle child (call her L) 15yo F staying with us and going to the local school here. (A long story!)
Anyway, so many things come to light when a kid is actually living with you as opposed to just weekend stays.
L had to pack up her clothes etc to move over here, they only live half an hour away so it is not a trek, come to find out no one bothered to pack up a coat for her. We live in a very cold state, and she is expected to walk to school (10mins) so it’s another trip back to get her coat.
L was also expected to finish extra homework this weekend, she struggles with online work so her mom kept the tv off while she worked. L sat there zoned out, didn’t get it done, BM didn’t bother to check and instead complained that she (BM) didn’t get to play her video games, instead of being upset her child couldn’t finish the work. My partner checked later and found out it hand t been done.
L has had a clicking sound from her jaw for months now whenever she eats, like you can hear it across the room. I’ve asked about it, was told “it’ll be taken care of”, BM never had it looked at so my partner made a doctor appt for her.
It’s a million little stupid, asinine things like this that feel like being pecked to death by a duck. If my partner confronts his ex, he gets nonsense stories or guilt trips/tears. With L now living with us, he’s starting to see the truth of things, and take control of more issues. I feel this will be good for L.
I guess I just want to say that no matter how long it takes, truth and consequences eventually come to light, and while I want to sometimes scream, the truth coming out in a way that helps the kids is a very good thing.
- Dahlia8448
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Re: I’m baffled
They do communicate via app now, which is good. There has been past drama, which he cottoned onto and now doesn’t listen to so much nonsense, which is also good.
L is settling in, and there will be bumps in the road, but overall I’m hoping it’ll be better for her. My partner will encourage L, now he is more hands on with her education as he actually checks the school app, as frankly BM hid things from him while pretending she had it all under control.
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Thread Starter- MorningMia
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Re: I’m baffled
Good luck with this! Your SD is lucky that she has responsible adults caring for her. I'm just SMH.
The BM in our lives (in the past) hid MANY things from DH and was an expert at teaching the skids to hide and lie as well. It's amazing how many people are taught to get through life like that. And, yes, it all comes out eventually. Or most of it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Dahlia8448
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Re: I’m baffled
I have to say: I’m constantly blown away by how little these teens do/know how to do. 15yo put away wet towels in the closet, (!!) (WHY), pretended she was in the bathroom to my partner when he asked about her homework progress…for 3 hours, yeah ok totally.
He told me I should tell her not to put away wet laundry. I just turned around and left the room. Yes I know communication etc etc, but it’s been quite a week and I wasn’t in the mood to say painfully obvious things without losing my temper…it feels like talking to toddlers and it’s a teenager!! It feels like the equivalent of “ok, now when you hold a knife, don’t hold the pointy bit!”
Jesus take the wheel, and drive daft kids into Remotely Sensible Town. I still feel it will improve, as it’s early days yet, and at least she’s not 24/7 with someone who doesn’t teach them jack anymore.
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Thread Starter- JRI
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Re: I’m baffled
We had this stuff, too, when my 3 SKs moved in one at a time. SD had braces but BM didn't always take her for the adjustments. OSS had some kind of leg Injury that needed stitches. Dental care had not been routine. The fog of time has thankfully made me forget a lot of it but I felt like I was starting from scratch, .not continuing their current care.
- Dahlia8448
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Re: I’m baffled
I’m totally on board with consequences! I just wish everyone else involved was as well. My partner has reached the end of his rope and is calling out the lame excuses, which is helping. I understand teenage “brain farts”, but I also think helping to fix the mess they made is the best learning tool. No yelling or threats, just “ok, now you will fix/help fix the mess you left, the rest of the world will not step in to be your personal maid”!
BM does next to nothing re teaching them how to do anything, and I don’t get it at all because in the end, it just makes her own life harder as well.
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Thread Starter- ESMOD
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Re: I’m baffled
IDK.. it seems like some kids have a natural interest in learning.. my YSD was much more likely to be the one to watch.. to ask questions, to learn how to do things. Her sister? She was not so much.
I recall we had my YSD with us on vacation one summer when she was 9/10 and her older sister was about 13.. and older sister, who was not with us.. home at her mom's, calls to ask her how to use the george forman grill to make a grilled cheese.. like.. it is one of the most simple things.. and here is this little girl walking her older sister through it... haha.
But, they also both spent a lot of time with my DH's parents growing up.. and I remember how "granny" waited on them hand and foot. I told my MIL that the best gift she could give those kids was to teach them to clean.. to cook.. like she did .. because their mom didn't.. and we only had so much time with them.. so it would be a gift for them to know how to cook and keep a home nice. of course MIL acted like I kicked a puppy.. why wouldn't she spoil her grandbabies.. they have eventually figured things out and are both adults.. but helping kids learn life skills sometimes seems to get overlooked.
Some kids.. like my YSD will show interest and be observant.. others will be like my OSD.. holding her hand out and waiting for things to fall in her lap.