Step Chat - a safe place where stepparents can vent » DH is NOT the father

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 8:50 am

I am reeling. I just got the results in my inbox. 0% chance of paternity. I haven't told DH yet, we are gonna be alone together after breakfast so I will tell him then.
Wow.

Me and DD9 and DS6 were at the store the other day and SS16 walked passed us, intending to completely ignore us. Even though he hadn't seen his siblings in months. I called him out. In the busy store. Asked if he was planning to ignore his siblings. He claimed he didn't see them which was impossible from how he walked passed us.

DH said we lost him, he wasn't ours anymore. I guess he never was. I'll serve baby mama court docs on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas ya hoe bag.

Kes · 12/22/2025 9:39 am

Gosh, I wonder how DH will feel? I'd love to see baby mama's face when she gets these docs.

Aniki-Moderator · 12/22/2025 10:46 am

I feel so badly for your DH. 🙏

Meera · 12/22/2025 11:07 am

Wow, what a bombshell for everyone. I feel sorry for your kids that thought they had a brother. It can't be good for your SS either to find out he's been lied to his entire life. And it sucks that you've had to suffer for a kid that isn't even related.

advice.only2 · 12/22/2025 11:59 am

Damn!

ESMOD · 12/22/2025 12:35 pm

Unfortunately, there are still some instances where they still could hold your husband responsible for his obligations to this boy.. I'm not sure if the courts would automatically just terminate his obligations.. since he has been acting as his father for 16 years. I would be prepared for that possibility. I might also be prepared for your husband to grieve this situation.. and have a lot of conflicting feelings.. since he has invested so much time being a father to this boy.

ESMOD · 12/22/2025 12:43 pm

Just one more thought. I would expect that there will likely need to be more testing. The test you had done sounds like it was done under "non verifiable" circumstances.. ie.. your husband and his son were not in front of a third party medical professional to have their samples taken.

this would potentially mean that the samples tested are not verifiably belonging to the two parties involved.
For example.. your SS could have had someone else provide the sample.. just to be a jerk.
or they could claim the sample that was "your husband's".. was replaced by someone to prove non-paternity. or that the sample that SS provided was tampered with on your end.
not saying any of that happened.. just that you should probably be prepared to have a more formal testing process that is air tight performed before it would be able to conclusively prove to the court that your husband is not that boy's father.. (and even then.. they might not remove his obligation to the boy... it happens).

Hopefully this turns out for your family in the most positive way possible.

WanderLustre1066 · 12/22/2025 1:42 pm

ESMOD wrote:
Just one more thought. I would expect that there will likely need to be more testing. The test you had done sounds like it was done under "non verifiable" circumstances.. ie.. your husband and his son were not in front of a third party medical professional to have their samples taken.

this would potentially mean that the samples tested are not verifiably belonging to the two parties involved.
For example.. your SS could have had someone else provide the sample.. just to be a jerk.
or they could claim the sample that was "your husband's".. was replaced by someone to prove non-paternity. or that the sample that SS provided was tampered with on your end.
not saying any of that happened.. just that you should probably be prepared to have a more formal testing process that is air tight performed before it would be able to conclusively prove to the court that your husband is not that boy's father.. (and even then.. they might not remove his obligation to the boy... it happens).

Hopefully this turns out for your family in the most positive way possible.

I agree that it might be wise to have a court order to test paternity by a place the courts view as "official."

I'm sad for your husband, if it's true that SS16 is not really his.

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 2:36 pm

I'm not worried about the legal steps. We are petitioning for a court ordered paternity test. and since SS16 unilaterally severed the relationship and is over 16, it's unlikely DH will be on the hook for anything else. We have loads of evidence showing SS16 isn't interested in being in our family anymore.

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 2:37 pm

DH is calm. Very calm. I am a bit concerned because he's not a typically calm guy. He said that he has mourned the loss of this relationship already, so now he is just able to legally end it. SS16 wants nothing to do with him and now DH feels the same way

Missk03 · 12/22/2025 3:37 pm

Meera wrote:
Wow, what a bombshell for everyone. I feel sorry for your kids that thought they had a brother. It can't be good for your SS either to find out he's been lied to his entire life. And it sucks that you've had to suffer for a kid that isn't even related.

Agree with this. I feel sorry for everyone involved. This is probably going to shake SS the most.

Tryingjusttrying · 12/22/2025 6:15 pm

Wow. Good luck to you and your family in navigating this messy situation. I feel sorry for SS.

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 8:23 pm

Kes wrote:
Gosh, I wonder how DH will feel? I'd love to see baby mama's face when she gets these docs.

One of DH's friends said he will serve her the docs and video it. I will make sure not to send them in a sealed envelope so she can see PATERNITY on the front. But who knows if she'll look, she's also in court proceedings with her daughters dad so she might not be expecting either.

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 8:24 pm

Nc

Meera wrote:
Wow, what a bombshell for everyone. I feel sorry for your kids that thought they had a brother. It can't be good for your SS either to find out he's been lied to his entire life. And it sucks that you've had to suffer for a kid that isn't even related.

We haven't told the kids yet. Not sure exactly when or how.

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 8:30 pm

Missk03 wrote:
Meera wrote:
Wow, what a bombshell for everyone. I feel sorry for your kids that thought they had a brother. It can't be good for your SS either to find out he's been lied to his entire life. And it sucks that you've had to suffer for a kid that isn't even related.
Agree with this. I feel sorry for everyone involved. This is probably going to shake SS the most.

Yes I can't imagine how he will feel finding out his mom lied to him his whole life. And not only that, it seems like he didn't want to be here so not only was she lying but she put him in a position where he was court ordered to be somewhere he didn't want to be.

But I'm sure she'll find a way to lie her way out of it.

1dad6kids · 12/22/2025 8:31 pm

ESMOD wrote:
Unfortunately, there are still some instances where they still could hold your husband responsible for his obligations to this boy.. I'm not sure if the courts would automatically just terminate his obligations.. since he has been acting as his father for 16 years. I would be prepared for that possibility. I might also be prepared for your husband to grieve this situation.. and have a lot of conflicting feelings.. since he has invested so much time being a father to this boy.

Thanks, I suspect it's not going to be an overnight heal. He did say in a way he was relieved because he's really been hurt by SS16's rejection.

MorningMia · 12/23/2025 6:48 am

1dad6kids wrote:
DH is calm. Very calm. I am a bit concerned because he's not a typically calm guy. He said that he has mourned the loss of this relationship already, so now he is just able to legally end it. SS16 wants nothing to do with him and now DH feels the same way

Good. Next time you run into him and he ignores you, don't call him out. He's a stranger.

Thinkthrice · 12/29/2025 3:41 pm

Yep...BM is a Hoe Bag for sure!

Rags · 1/05/2026 7:56 pm

Regroup and focus on living what is best for your family. Sadly, genetically related or not, BM made sure to destroy SS's life long before the current state of affairs. Pun somewhat intended.

BanksiaRose · 1/09/2026 4:41 pm

Gee, how I wish I could get this sort of news that my SO is not the father…. Unfortunately it would be a bit hard with him having paid for multiple IVF rounds…

Rags · 1/10/2026 5:45 pm

Considering the number of fertility Docs who have propagated their genetics fraudulently with their clients, you may want to sneak a test in some time.

BanksiaRose · 1/11/2026 7:21 am

Haha, good point, Rags! But both of them are a spitting image of my SO in his childhood unfortunately, so I know I have no chances :D Also, I doubt I’d be able to foist them onto a doctor to raise!

Missk03 · 1/11/2026 8:21 pm

Rags wrote:
Considering the number of fertility Docs who have propagated their genetics fraudulently with their clients, you may want to sneak a test in some time.

This actually happened to two people I went to high school with..They were 1/2 siblings (they were together in high school) and found out two years ago they were related via DNA kit. There was something like at least 20+ more siblings that they found out about… sick stuff.

Last edited by Missk03 (1/11/2026 8:23 pm)

Rags · 1/11/2026 9:13 pm

It is sick. It also destroys lives and families when unknown sibs marry, have kids, and make a life together. I do not know anyone personally who has suffered this. Though that it happens at all is nauseating.

I am sorry that your friends have suffered this.