I think there is this theme among younger people that they think that their parents are failing them by not being the "doting grandparents" that they seem to think existed 20 years ago.

The reality is this.  

It may have been more true half a century or more ago to have grandparents (mostly grandma).. involved in their grandkids lives. 

But today?  Grandma and Grandpa are probably still working full time.  
They are also probably partially involved in the care of their own parents in some capacity.
They also may not live down the street.. or even in the same town.
They may have been divorced themselves.. meaning they may be married to a nonbio partner to the grandkids... and be even further pulled in more than one direction.
Their kids may have been never ending pools of need.. and they are tired... tired of kids wanting their time, their resources.. with little to no appreciation.  You know.. parents buy their kids hundreds of dollars of gifts.. but when it comes time for the parent's birthday.. crickets.

My older SD is a bit resentful that her parents aren't more involved.. but my husband and his EX both work.. I also work (not a kid person anyway..haha).  Her kids are also not particularly well behaved.. and are not easy to care for.. one is 6 and still has serious issues toileting.. is almost impossible to understand (finally in therapy for speech.. but it isn't doing a lot yet).   Her Exh''s parents are very closeby and the wife doesn't work.. so is 100% available to watch the kids.. we don't have that luxury.. 
And.. honestly.. raise kids who are pleasant to be around if you want us to want to be around them. 
You had the kids.. it's up to you to raise them.. we will do the obligatory presents and show up from time to time.. but we are not a childcare resource on any regular basis.. and we aren't bad people for not being able to do that.
 

That's infuriating. I hate being misunderstood, but in blended family life, it seems like that's a constant. I'm not on social media, and neither is SS surprisingly. He's quite boastful in person but avoids social media like the plague. But he regularly talks behind my back. From what I can tell, it's something along the lines of 'Trying has never accepted me. She's always excluded me.' DH reminds SS all the ways I attempted to bring him in, but there's no refuting SS's narrative. DH thinks SS is just projecting his own attitude towards me onto me.

Sometimes a neighbor or a relative on DH's side might make a snide comment towards me. But I've learned to become less concerned about what people think of me, and more capable of standing by my own side. In that way, I'm grateful for this experience and to SS. 

"Most relationships taught me that the more chances you give someone, the less they value you."

This quote really rings true in situations with stepk's that don't respect you or value you.