Can you support SD making a gift for your dh? DH's attitude was always that he wanted something SS made or in some other way came from the heart. He didn't want something that he or I paid for because we could do that for each other any time. One Xmas, dh put that into practice when it came to BM too. He decided that it was stupid to give money to SS to buy his mom something because that felt like it was coming from him. So he encouraged SS to make her something, do a drawing, etc. Well, BM had a melt down and was ugly crying on the phone to SS while he was with us on Xmas day (he was about 14 or 15 at the time). She has a small family, so she ended up with nothing for Xmas. I do understand that can be a bummer, and I've actually spent several Xmases as a single mom with no gift during Xmas. But that was really immature, and made SS feel bad. Until then, BM had been giving SS money to buy dh something fo Xmas, but never after that.

After SS started working, he would sometimes empty out his bank account buying his dad and his gf xmas gifts. When SS was 16/17, I would estimate that he spent about $200-250 on DH's gift. SS has always been very materialistic, so that's how he shows love. I balked. I would rather get a $5 gift or no gift at all rather than my child emptying his bank account. 

Tryingjusttrying wrote:

Can you support SD making a gift for your dh? DH's attitude was always that he wanted something SS made or in some other way came from the heart. He didn't want something that he or I paid for because we could do that for each other any time. One Xmas, dh put that into practice when it came to BM too. He decided that it was stupid to give money to SS to buy his mom something because that felt like it was coming from him. So he encouraged SS to make her something, do a drawing, etc. Well, BM had a melt down and was ugly crying on the phone to SS while he was with us on Xmas day (he was about 14 or 15 at the time). She has a small family, so she ended up with nothing for Xmas. I do understand that can be a bummer, and I've actually spent several Xmases as a single mom with no gift during Xmas. But that was really immature, and made SS feel bad. Until then, BM had been giving SS money to buy dh something fo Xmas, but never after that.

After SS started working, he would sometimes empty out his bank account buying his dad and his gf xmas gifts. When SS was 16/17, I would estimate that he spent about $200-250 on DH's gift. SS has always been very materialistic, so that's how he shows love. I balked. I would rather get a $5 gift or no gift at all rather than my child emptying his bank account. 

Yes this is a good idea.  Before I was on the scene that is what her mum used to do with them, make things, which I think is great, but again, the child is lazy and cba doing anything for others at now shes 12 and into her phone, the last thing she can be bothered to do is make something for someone unless it was for her friend, as something would be in it for her (best friend points!).

I asked her last night why she left it last minute and her excuse was that she hasnt seen me, but she had just recently been away shopping with her mum for the weekend where she 'sorted all mums side of the family'... with mums money.  She asked me last night as she only just remembered.  So I kind of gave her a soft telling off and how her dad should never be a last thought, when she will only ever have 1 mum and 1 dad and both are just as important as the other.  This is why I mention about her using her pocket money instead.  She is a very selfish child, I dont spend a penny on her if I dont have to as the thanks she doesnt give for anything you do for her, isnt worth making the effort!

So we bought something for her dad last night but as it was christmas eve eve, it was all that was there, so no thought went into it at all.  Breaks me heart this house is the after thought but I want it to be on ber shoulders so she has to be put out in getting her gifts in line!

But then saying that, I bet she would end up getting her mum to buy so she doesn't have to user her pocket money!

LifeIsTough wrote:

Yesterdays wrote:

I don't know, 12 is still pretty young. I would probably just give her a low dollar value she can spend for a couple of years, until she has to get some sort of job. It's kind of annoying she waits til last minute then you have to run out....

I remember at that age I told my husbands kids I would help them get their dad something. SD immediately said she wanted to get him a "GoPro", 😂 I laughed and said $30 was my limit, lol

Yeah, she has no concept of cost either, she thinks slllshe can jist buy whatever she sees for someone, and usually her mum or dad will say yes. I don't though! I definitley have a limit, and it's definitley less than 30! 🤪

Thing is.... You can do what you want 😉 whatever you feel comfortable with.. you could do something small, something homemade by them or nothing at all and leave it to them... It's for their dad in the end which could be nice....but not expected and doesn't have to be organized by you if you don't want.