Welcome!!!
- CastleJJ
- Member
Offline
SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
SS13 arrived for Christmas break on Saturday. He settled right back in and is so happy to see DD3 and to meet newest DD1month. He has been playing with DD3 and enjoying the time with us. SS will be here for 1 week.
BM has been blowing up DH's phone. She emailed DH twice on Saturday, directly after pick-up. The first email was an update on SS' wrist and reminding DH to make SS do his wrist PT exercises. BM then texted DH twice, reminding him to remind SS to do his exercises. DH texted back that he is more than capable of parenting.
The other email was asking DH to switch DH's February President's weekend visit to MLK weekend in January. BM said that SS has wrestling districts over President's weekend and even though SS isn't wrestling this season due to his injured wrist, he is serving as "team manager" which is so important to SS. BM went on and on about how the coach told BM that SS was a good influence on the team, SS is enjoying it so much, and SS was highly needed, especially since there is only 1 coach this season.
DH was irritated at yet another BM visit change request. He wasn't sure what to do. I told DH to ask SS; it's rare we have him in our home at the time of these requests and can ask him directly. I reminded DH that SS is old enough to offer input. So we did. We did not tell SS that BM had asked for the switch. We simply said that we were looking at dates for his mid-winter visit and could either do January weekend or February weekend. DH then reminded SS that February weekend is wrestling districts. We reassured him that there was no wrong answer and we would proceed with whatever SS wanted.
SS didn't hesitate at all. He told us he wanted to keep it as the February weekend. DH asked him why. SS said that he doesn't do much for the wrestling team (opposite of what BM claims), so he just ends up sitting there watching a lot. He said wrestling is a non-factor in his decision. He said he wants to visit in February to celebrate DD3 and DH's birthdays with the family (which I didn't even think about) and he wants to space out the visits a bit to ensure smaller splits between now and summer. He said that the January visit would be 3 weeks from now and then he wouldn't see us again until likely Memorial Day, where the February visit is further out from now, but more of an even split until summer. He was adamant about his choice.
DH told SS that he would email BM and tell her that we were unavailable that weekend. DH made it clear to SS that he wouldn't throw him under the bus, going against BM, but that if BM tries to pressure SS into convincing DH to change his mind, the answer is "No" and SS needs to have DH's back on that. SS understood.
It's reassuring that SS is placing value in the right areas despite what BM wants. We are excited to see what this week brings.
- WanderLustre1066
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
Wow. It's a beautiful thing that you're teaching SS13 to have agency for himself. I love it!! This will be good for him as he moves through the world and deals with other difficult people.
BRAVO!!
Formerly: BrightFuture, futurobrilliante, and la_dulce_vida
- dollbabies
- New member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
So does SS know that BM requested the switch and her reasons for it?
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
I like that you all asked SS for his input.
As you are fully aware, BM "needs" attention. It's like a sickness. If there is anything that seriously needs a reply, I'd wait at least 24 hours simply not to feed the beast.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- CastleJJ
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
dollbabies wrote:
So does SS know that BM requested the switch and her reasons for it?
Yes. After SS made his decision, we told him that BM had emailed and asked to switch. We just didn't want to lead with that and have it sway SS' decision.
- •
Thread Starter- StandingStrong
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
I loved reading your post! While I'd still tread carefully with SS, there are some positive things in this event. First, he expressed being there for you and his sister's birthdays...means that is important to him. He's wanting a more steady interaction with you all. Good stuff. I'm happy for you.
- CastleJJ
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
I like that you all asked SS for his input.
As you are fully aware, BM "needs" attention. It's like a sickness. If there is anything that seriously needs a reply, I'd wait at least 24 hours simply not to feed the beast.
DH waited over 48 hours to respond to BM. He didn't reply immediately. BM could have reached out prior to DH picking SS up since they both had the information about districts in advance. BM chose to wait until SS got here to stir up trouble. DH wasn't letting her ruin his time with SS the second he hit our doorstep.
- •
Thread Starter- Aniki-Moderator
- Aniki-Admin
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
BM chose to wait until SS got here to stir up trouble. DH wasn't letting her ruin his time with SS the second he hit our doorstep.
BioHo pulled this caca constantly. Once the SSs were at our house, she always had some lame reason to call. Whenever DH took the boys camping, 'Ho had to call. DH started telling 'Ho they would be in areas with no cell service (easy enough in our area).
BioHo also seemed to find it necessary to call DH whenever we were on vacation. Until I told DH that 'Ho was doing it intentionally to disrupt our getaway; if something was seriously wrong, she would text. And if he answered her next BS call, I was packing up and leaving and he could find his own way back.
These poor excuses for mothers will do everything they can to ruin their children's time with their dads, make Dad the bad guy, and act like they're a cross between Mother Teresa and the Virgin Mary.
- Missk03
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
SS is smart. It is awesome he DOES want to spend time and loves his siblings. I know it’s VERY hard to look past pervious things that have caused stress with him… and likely there will be more… but given the control BM has he is still is doing pretty good emotionally navigating his relationship with you guys.
Of course she is going to blow up DHs phone.. I bet she is stressed about the new baby over there and is trying to control whatever she can.
BM did SO much of that… and it worked on SS22.5 even with her doing nothing for her kids.
I’ve had to navigate these types of situations even with living with skids 24/7… and BM being 4 miles away..
It’s been basically 3 years since I stopped talking to SS22.5 and I live with him… SS21 doesn’t talk to him ever.
We go into it a week ago…(SO, SS21 and SS22.5) 1st time in probably a year… I flat out said to him that I don’t think he has the mental capacity to understand the damaged BM has created with our relationship and what it has done to relationship he has with his siblings. I followed with feel free to tell her that. He went quick to defend the mighty with “he doesn’t really talk to her.” Which is BS … we know via SD18.
I want Netflix to do a documentary on PAS.
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
I like that you all asked SS for his input.
As you are fully aware, BM "needs" attention. It's like a sickness. If there is anything that seriously needs a reply, I'd wait at least 24 hours simply not to feed the beast.DH waited over 48 hours to respond to BM. He didn't reply immediately. BM could have reached out prior to DH picking SS up since they both had the information about districts in advance. BM chose to wait until SS got here to stir up trouble. DH wasn't letting her ruin his time with SS the second he hit our doorstep.
GOOD! 
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Rags
- Member
Offline
Re: SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
Just wait until SS ages out from under the whole visitation/CS process and BM goes into her final crash and burn of irrelevance. Then, no contact. Period. Dot. They hate that beyond all else.
At least that was the case when SS aged out from under the CO and the drama trolling from the toxic opposition could only be targeted at SS who promptly purged them all from his life. Now the periodic pout fest is the only contact anyone has from them.
They troll me on FB and when they see that SS is with his mom and me or my ILs, or my family, they start the woe is me on line pouting about how he never visits them or contacts them. I am the only one who comments on their crap. "Do you call him. Do you purchase his travel to visit you?"
Lather, rinse, repeat. We pay for SS's travel to visit us, when he lets us. We have to be sneaky about it. Usually he buys his travel to and from his duty station to us, then we buy the vacation travel from where we live to the vacation des Post reply 
1 of 1
- Index
- » General Discussion
- » SS13 Arrived for Christmas Break
Quick postWrite your message and submitHelp tination and back. That lets us participate, and lets him control part of it all.
If you can't listen and learn, you will have to feel. WLR