I am sorry to hear that your dad has been under the weather but thrilled to hear that he is on the mend.


One of the key elements of the SPBOR (Step Parent Bill of Rights) is ..... #7-Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my prior permission.

Sounds like it may be time to roll up the SPBOR and beat partner about the head and shoulders with it while chanting "READ #7!". Figuratively of course.   

You might have considered locking the BR door and left a pillow and blanket in the hallway for partner.  Just to put an exclamation point on his choice to brain-fart on how (You're) now overreacting because (you) have a problem with him...... giving your expensive personal hair care system to his irresponsible selfish destructive DD.

Welcome home, deep breaths and take care of you.


And no, you are in no way overreacting.  Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
 

Last edited by Rags (12/18/2025 2:39 am)

No, anyone would be upset. Only you should be the one to give permission to use your things.

This gives me flashbacks. Once when i was at work, my ex SO took his adult daughter into my house (didn’t live together), into my bedroom, and let her rifle through my swimsuits and underwear until she found a swimsuit she liked and wore it when Daddy took her to the pool. I never wore it again and should have seen that giant red flag for what it was. Would have saved me 7 wasted years.

DH once loaded up SS with leftovers (no big deal) but it included my pie plate. Oh HELL no.

He’ll bring it baaaaccckk. What’s the big deal?

I’ve been waiting on that for 15 years.

Thanks guys! I knew i wasn't over reacting but who does he think he is to decide if I am over reacting or not?! 😅

He apologised to me this morning, but I had to make it clear to him that while he knows his child has an issue with people using her things without asking, the same PRINCIPLE applies vice versa.  He knows she is like this so why encourage reverse behaviour? Gentle parenting...

When she got up for school, I heard her bickering to him in the hallway about him using her SHOE HORN again because it is HERS 🤣 thankfully he threw it back that she is using my Straighteners and that if she wants to borrow then equally she does to.  I've put them away now.  She has come home from school and walked straight upstairs without acknowledgement so I'm just waiting for her to ask me to use them again in the morning so I can say no.  🤪

When I reflect on the last scarey few days with my dad I've realised that their reaction to my boundaries is not my problem and not worth me even being bothered about. 👋

No = no.

Last edited by LifeIsTough (12/18/2025 12:07 pm)

Yesterdays wrote:

My step kids used to borrow things they forgot to pack when we were on vacation and then always ask if they could keep it cause they liked it so much..

I cringe at reading this. Asking if we could have something that belonged to someone else was a cardinal bad move growing up in my parent's home.  Hell no.  It was abundantly clear that that was rude beyond measure.

ME culture is such that complementing something often resulted in the item being given to the one giving the complement.  Part of the history of hospitality.  My GM made this mistake when introduced a young wife of one of my grandfather's colleagues. GM complemented a beautiful necklace that the young woman was wearing. The couple were visiting my GPs in the US after my GPs had retired from the Persian Gulf region and returned to the US.  The husband leaned over to his young wife said something in her ear, she took the necklace off and presented it to my GM.  My GM had faux pa'd big time and was mortified at what had happened.   

Before the couple left from that several days visit my GM gave the young woman a gift in return.  It was a piece of jewelry that had been given to her by the founding King of KSA.  In a presentation box with a royal seal and with a picture of the King giving the box to my GM.  The young woman was stunned by the nature of the gift.   When I returned to work there decades later, I met a couple of their sons for a social meal followed by a tour of their company's corporate offices.  Their dad had passed away years before.  In the lobby display case was the royal presentation box and a picture of that couple, and my GPs on the visit to my GP's home after retiring and another pic of their father and my granddad working in a maintenance shop when their father was in his teens.  He considered my granddad to be his father.  He had walked out of the desert as a boy.  My granddad hired him to clean the shop and serve tea.  Then trained him as a mechanic.  He founded a successful commercial family in KSA and at one time was the largest Dodge dealer by unit sales in the world.

All part of the cringe of asking to have something that belongs to someone else. Though my GM did not ask for it, she merely admired and complemented the necklace.  She regreted and spoke of that event a number of times over the years.

Parenting failures these days are mind boggling.  Rude seems to be inbred and rewarded.  BioParents seem to not even see it when it happens.

Last edited by Rags (12/18/2025 1:46 pm)

You don't need to give a reason for why she can't take/use your belongings.

Many years ago, when I was working a summer in the French Alps, there was an afternoon when I was sitting chatting to a couple of guests and the boss's wife in the dining room after service was finished. My roommate (she was 17, I was 21) came waltzing into the room, struck a couple of poses and drifted towards our table. She was wearing one if my treasures - a red chiffon number. She was greeted with an icy Scottish stare and told to go and take that off immediately and to never touch any of my belongings ever again. I never even raised my voice. She didn't think I'd call her out in public. She never touched anything of mine again.

Rags wrote:

Parenting failures these days are mind boggling.  Rude seems to be inbred and rewarded.  BioParents seem to not even see it when it happens.

You couldn't have described the parenting of these 2 skidmarks by both parents any better to be honest! 💩

Rags wrote:

When I reflect on the last scarey few days with my dad I've realised that their reaction to my boundaries is not my problem and not worth me even being bothered about. 👋

^^^^Absolutely this!^^^^

Don't be bothered by their reaction to your boundaries. Though make sure they are bothered by your response when they violate those boundaries.  Lather, rinse, repeat.
 

💯💯💯