Is anybody suspicious SIL is doing drugs?  I remember when I was a teenager my cousin was writing letters to my Aunt that were just so off base, and I told my Aunt she was probably doing drugs.  My Aunt didn't believe me, turns out years later it came out she had been doing drugs because of being SAd.

advice.only2 wrote:

Is anybody suspicious SIL is doing drugs?  I remember when I was a teenager my cousin was writing letters to my Aunt that were just so off base, and I told my Aunt she was probably doing drugs.  My Aunt didn't believe me, turns out years later it came out she had been doing drugs because of being SAd.

SIL was pre employment tested a few years ago when she went to work for the school district.  She was clean then or likely could not have gone to work with kids.  

I have no idea if she is partaking of substances now.  Though she has not looked happy in years. I have commented on it every time I have seen her for quite some time.

At best she appears to be present.  There is no spark to her at all.  She used be all about how spe-cial she was (said in a cloying baby voice). She was well into her 30s and still doing that kind of crap. Trying to sit in my FIL's lap while he was hooked up to his home dialysis equipment trying to get daaaaaaddddeeeeeee to harp on how spe-cial she is.    The current her is kinda sad. To the point that I miss the old annoying SIL.  

Though it would not surprise me if she were using.  They live in the epicenter of legalized products derived from the devil's lettuce.  A notable % of those who live there on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale are clearly baked with saucer plate sized pupils, a wafting odor of recently hitting a doobie, and the slow gait and speech patterns of being decidedly tuned up.  It is interesting how since legalization there has been a shift in the public voluntary segregation of those who use and those who apparently don't.  Or at least those who smoke and those who use edibles.
 

And.... SIL called and has been on the phone with my wife for about an hour.  Lots of coaching going from DW to SIL.  SIL is apparently in a major funk and convinced that she is a failure, etc..

She is asking about uncontested mutual divorce in the state of SpermLand.  She is also on the ragged edge of financial destitution as is her usual state of existence though with her departure from her marriage and marital home and moving in with her GF into a mutigenerational over crowded section 8 rental SIL is not feeling secure about much of anything. GF does not want any indication that SIL is contributing to her household income which is a huge risk of kicking GF et al off of all of their program income, support, housing, medical, etc.....   

Her intent remains to just leave and not take anything. However, there was a comment about taxes and how much STBXH's house is worth.  That makes me cringe. SIL is one that very well would make her X and her children homeless to be able to flip money at her GF.

I'm biting my tendency to be sharp tongued on this topic in conversation with my bride. No matter how much of a POS that my SIL is, she is still DW's baby sis so..... 

ETA:... and there is more.  STBXBIL has made a one time offer to SIL of 25% of his retirement IRA, and she gets her car but has to take the car loan and immediately transfer title.

It turns out that the house was purchased before they married and the mortgage and deed are entirely in STBXBIL's name only.  And... SIL's school loans were mostly taken out prior to their marriage though all of them are entirely in SIL's name.  That ~$100K+ is entirelyh on her.  So, she gets about $75K from the IRA though she will get hit with 10% early withdrawal penalties since she will immediately take her 25% as a distribution. GThere is no impact to STXBIL over the split or SIL taking her share immediately.  She has so much personal/secret debt that she has been hiding from her STBDH, her credit score is no higher than ZERO if it is that high, and she can't qualify for rental lease without a major deposit, first/last, etc.... 

Neither of them want to go the lawyer route due to the costs and it does appear that STBXBIL has a fairly clear view of his position and how much he can dictate terms.  I advised that they do a formal separation but not divorce until their DD-13 turns 18/finishes HS as SIL working for the school district gives them high  quality health insurance. A formal separation should sever their financial connection and keep the courts out of the financials until their DD reaches age of majority.  No need for a custody or parenting plan, etc... I also interjected that she has to do anything and everything possible to remain with the district for a total of 20+ years as that is her only shot at a retirement and medical benefits.  DW strongly advised that SIL get part time evening work with flex to full time during summers and school breaks and that SIL not leave the district of her own accord for any reason.

On a great note, our nephew, SIL's eldest, earned a 4.0 GPA for his first semester in his AS Diesel Technogy Junior College program and he did it earning $20/hr for his time in class, evening work hours, and weekend work hours.  He is on a full ride scholarshop for his ASDT program.  He plans to finish the ASDT and work for the equipment company that his scholarship and work study is through as he finishes his BS in Ag Ed.  Which is interestingly what our college bound niece wants to study.  It will be interesting to watch as the inter IL clan support channels align as BIL1's bovine bride invariably hypes up her DD and in the same breath back stabs and tears down her/our nephew.  An interesting juxtaposition is that our nephew is very low key, time to make the donuts, humble, and steady while our nieces, BIL1's #1 and #2 DDs, are very "Look at meeeeeeeee!" and hyper communicative on how special and superior they are.

SIL gave an update on BIL1's #2 DD who got her acceptance letter to her "dream school" and is waiting to hear from the major in State option, and another out of state option.  Dream Univ is out of state. I am extremely concerned about massive school debt for our niece and for BIL1 and his wife as they are highly likely to take out a pile of  Parent Plus loans to facilitate the "Dream" school dream.   I am advising JC for two years then transfer to the major in state school option since she can go for free for 2yrs at a JC/CC.  But, that opinion is wizzing on the "drreeeaaaaammmmsss" apparently.   My input is highly upsetting to our niece, BIL1, his bovine bride, SIL, and apparently some other IL clan members..  If anyone knows the path not to take when pursing college studies it is me. I was on the 11yr undergrad plan, 7 schools, 7 different majors, one BS degree though I had enough semesters hours of credit for another entire Bachelors when I graduated with the one I completed. I did successfully complete Grad school on my employer's dime.  That 24mo MBA took me 64mos. Not because of any other reason than I paced to use employer provided funds rather than ours or school loans.  DW is a mutant/alien implant in her family. She completed a dual major BS with honors in less than 5yrs, and an MBA with honors with no delays once she started Grad school. Her firs year was when and where me met.  We moved just after her first year of school ended and she delayed a year to qualify for in state tuition in our new state.    It stikes me as interesting that my bride will not give guidance and advice and is taking a cheer leading position with her college age nephew and niece.   I am proud of them both, but I also know both the pitfalls of navigating it all successfully and the pittfalls of not having a clear structured plan.  The go live the college experience and figure out your dreams path.... can be an extremely painful plan as it basically is no plan at all.  As the addage goes. Failing to plan, is planning to fail. I do not want that for the next generation of my IL clan.  That would destroy my bride if it happens. It already is happening with our eldest IL clan niece. BIL1's #1 DD who has her parents unfounded superiority complex and inability to recognize authority and that teachers/Profs/Adminsitrators hold your success in their hands.  BIL1's #2 DD has the unfounded superiority complex genetics as well, which is what scares the ever loving out of my for her and regarding her unfolding journey. Like her elder sister, she is far more than smart enough to do it, though she has zero demonstrated ability to make the quality of decisions necessary to be successful.  She chose to graduate a year early. Like her aunt (my SIL) and has wallowed through endless bad decisions ever since.

I struggle to be tolerant and supportive of people who will not engage their brain, insist on repeatedly making clearly poor decisions then lead their children to do the same, and can't get out of their own damned way.

After the call with SIL we discussed that call, nephew's unfolding triumphs, and our college bound niece's path forward. DW asked me what I thought about BIL1's #2 DD's "plans". So I gave my concerns and projections on outcome, likely not graduating, piling up huge debt, etc....  I got myself in trouble for "I can't believe you put that out into the universe!  I want her to succeed, accomplish her dreams, and have an outcome like mine!" I do too of course, but DW's question was not what I wanted for our STB college student niece. The question was what I thought about her plans and likely outcomes.    Learn Rags. Learn. Listen to what was meant, not what was said. A non commital grunt would have been a far better choice than answering the question asked or offering my input on any of this evenings topics in the Rags living room. But hey, I am a man, I man-splain, I observe, analyze, and solve problems.  Though with my recent elevated PSA levels, I may just get neutered and not have much longer deal with the impact of testosterone on my man-brain.  

smh

Last edited by Rags (12/18/2025 2:20 am)