I used to work in a female dominated field and it was so petty and catty.  The number of women who held grudges or acted superior like they were above everybody is ridiculous.  Like we were all pretty much doing the same job, so no need for the superiority complex.  I left that field of work and started in a completely different one.  This one isn’t as women dominated but the women I have worked with are supportive and helpful.  It really helped me become a better employee and I unlearned a lot of toxic habits I didn’t realize I had formed over the years.  Now I work predominantly with men and while they are easier to work with, they have their own levels of drama.  The inability to communicate effectively with each other leads to issues that could easily be squashed with an in-person meeting, but since they have zero communication skills, they drag their problems out.  Usually, I must step in and play mediator and then say okay going forward here is the best route, then they go do their own thing again, it’s annoying.

Update: A 10-year employee (the person who has been there the longest) came in my office yesterday nearly in tears about the Mean Girl Clique. We have NEVER even hinted to one another about this. She revealed that a really nice, effective employee left about 6 months ago because of the MGC--that she was being held down because "the director needs to sparkle" (that's putting it mildly). She talked about having her feelings hurt and having her input disregarded. 

I was very careful with my very few responses to the point this woman probably felt disregarded by me. But I was glad she felt I was a trusted person to vent to. I'm going to tell her today I appreciated her talking to me, as she confirmed some things I've been thinking about, and that I understand. Sigh.

Rags wrote:

I have no regrets, but I did lose a job due to a version of the MGC, though in that case it was the MGuyClick.  I was matrixed into the leader of a business unit I had built.  I was 8yrs out of undergrad and had been with the company for 8yrs when I was added to a RIF list due to confronting the MGC.

The leader was the fair haired boy of the site director.  He had been a partner for a then Big 6 accounting/consulting firm.  He had a major Napoleon complex and his rear sniffer squad played up to it hard.   He and I started butting heads fairly early when I accepted that role.  The usual stuff associated with that type of person.  Hostile work environment issues, gaslighting about that being jokes and badgering people to not be so sensitive, intimidating team members, public humiliation, etc..   I got a call from HR about him when several people in the Org filed complaints regarding little Napoleon and his antics.  Several young women in the Org leaving his hotel rooms for the pre breakfast walk of shame during business trips, the rotating humiliation target activities during staff meetings, etc, etc, etc..  I ended up involved in an HR and Legal dept investigation about him and the rear sniffers.  

I had recently received my third consecutive 1 level performance review (the highest for that company) when the tension amplified significantly.  I was matrixed to little Napoleon and even with his input I still received a 1 level rating.   This coincided with a downturn in the semiconductor market which resulted in a significant Reduction In Force.  I had to release my entire department, so it was no surprise when I was RIFd in the evening after all clear was given at an all-hands meeting.   Leaders were not RIFd during the AM notification period when RIFs occurred.  Announcements to Wall Street were made at the time of the post RIF all hands meetings in the AM.  Then, leaders got their walking papers.

He and his rear sniffers were all broken up and spread to different departments.  6mos late my cell phone blew up when he was escorted off property by Federal Marshals.   His lead rear sniffer was escorted off property by corporate security as the fair haired little Napoleon was escorted away.

Even being right and being a safe harbor for my team and others, did not armor me against corporate legal risks.  I suspect that though my Org was eleminated, part of my departure was motivated by the risk that I knew too much related to the whole investigation situation.

Be careful.

WOW! What a story! It's amazing how common this sort of thing is. So many people are miserable in their work situations because of "personalities." I produce a lot, and I'm learning to keep my head down/hidden while in the office and plowing away at projects appreciated by our community members/supporters. As I've said, I love the work--it's just so weird to witness/experience this behavior and, once again, strategize about navigating the land mines.  

I'm blessed in that I'm in a position in life where I don't have to feel that anxiety over, "What if I lose this job?" I have some contract people in the background, one client who I still do some freelancing for. It's all good! 

 

stepcreaturesonly wrote:

I’m super late to this convo, but to add: mostly my work (females only) isn’t like that. But there is a clique that ramped up towards end of year. I can think of various reasons why. And while people can choose who to hang with it hurts when two were prev friends that drifted away (them I think, not me). But anyway last few weeks they were so awful I came home in tears several times. So not me. It’s them. I’m now just accepting they aren’t friends (one has left anyway) and will seek out company of people who like me. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. But I’m trying. 

I feel embarrassed that any girl/woman over the age of 14 behaves this way! 


 

I know im also very late to this one, but then again dealing with coworker or two eligible for membership to the MGC club is just par the course. ..since there is always that kind of person or two everywhere
I agree with Mia in that is it so embarrassing and pathetic to witness in anyone over the age of 14. In my case, these members are in their early 60s, one of them being male( i dubbed  him MC for man-child) , which is somehow even more pathetic. So , I can vouch that in some instances, some men are just as catty or petty as his equally two faced, petty female narcissistic accomplice/ counterpart who acts like emotionally stunted since high school and probably peaked then
Like with everyone else I meet for the first time, I show basic decency, respect and  kindness until given a reason not to, until they show their true colors in in the form of red flags, giving me vibes that I shouldn't trust them and chose to stop going out of may to get along with them outside of being strictly professional ( at the end of the day, im not there to make friends, as these people are THE reasons why I just would rather clock in, do what my job and go home. or just dont try too hard being pals with everyone  Period.) 
They have already had reputations proceeding my tenure for years for just being miserable individuals who will act like they are your best friend one day ( and being trying way too hard, being overly friendly), then be rude to you as if you don't exist the next or just talk smack about everyones back as soon as they leave the room or get up from the table,  Then act like they think no one is onto them as if most of us haven't already been wise to their sh!t , either by being the target of it or witnessing it firsthand, and almost everyone in my office has experienced the same problems with them, so what should that tell you?
Looking back in hindsight,  I was brand <unacceptable> new , as in I had barely set a toe in the door of my first day on the job, when the MG/MC club approached me uninvited , out of left field, also trash talking to me about my coworkers, before I was even or barely introduced to them, no chance for me to get acquainted with them so that I could form my own perspective or even give the benefit of the doubt.  Just dragging me into their drama for no reason, too since these people havent done ANYTHING to the MGC or to me, to warrant being deserving of that kind of wrath. when its not my circus . and never was.  Imagine being petty enough to try to recruit strangers into hating on  and forming some Alliance against other people that they dont know from Adam yet, just because YOU have some personal beef, which would be a you problem, not mine to begin with,? THEN these same people have the audacity to wonder ( and actually take offense!) over me electing to keep my distance instead of indulging them. As predicted , they talked sh!t about me over that, which came back to me, since what comes around, goes around in the end . Wasn't my first time catching on that the same people who so freely spread negative gossip to anyone who will listen, is most likely doing the same behind your back too. 
I could go on, but I suppose I should focus on the silver lining that at least these overgrown children works from home certain days of the week, and now that I have been officially approved to do the same, so less time I Have to to be in the same space, the better 
Although I'll admittedly prefer I didn't have to be around them in any capacity ever again. hence that other silver lining in that these people are getting ever closer to being eligible to retire . I really believe I must be just as excited  ( if not more ) about their upcoming retirement that THEY are. Cant happen soon enough! Good riddance, I say.
Side note; Man Child has literally GROWLED at some people ( myself included) for no reason,for not doing a damn thing to him aside from greeting him with a Good morning, just being polite. My Mean Girl not any better.  Who does that ? Only my little tiny guard dog can get away with growling at others or MAYBE a toddler at best , its not cute coming from a grown arse man. I know if I had done that to someone, I sure as shootin wouldnt blame them for not wanting to make any effort or pay me any mind after that.Which is exactly how i handled the situation, paying these people dust instead. Message recieved and NOTED. Just ignore, them and steer clear as much as possible. Yet, these idiots still ask behind my back as to why I seem so mad, and dont want to engage wih them like they are the victims of someone being rude to them instead????What kind of reception can they reasonably excpect after that?Where does one even GO from that kind of response or what else am I supposed to do about it? Yet they still dont grasp WHY some people dont like them. or dont want to associate with them no more 

 

Last edited by LittleTypeAmy (2/28/2026 10:17 am)

"I, too, have a practice of treating people like competent, decent adults until they make it clear that is not what they are.
YOu said it, Mia!  I am just simply matching energy.  I cant say I didn't extend any kindness to these immature people, only for them to rudely shove it away so I am retracting that kind of effort. I kind of feel like its akin to when people really tailgate you on the road while you are already going over the speed limit as it is. I see it as, well I gave someone a little slack by literally going those few extra miles. They didn't appreciate it anyway, so now they get Nothing. 
Also speaking of immature , the other day, I really had to fight to bite my tongue when ManChild had to randomly comment to no one particular how the office is so boring to him. WTF. The younger version of ManChild who used to work for us last summer ( thankfully didnt last long) delcared the same thing. 
First off, what did these people imagine they were signing up for when they so much considered applying for this job? I dont undestand the confusion, They act like they expected a gig at Disney world, and if they really feel like thats a better fit for them, then by all means they can feel free to go for it. Wont stop them.
Second off, GOD Forbid some people actually CHOOSE to be quiet, concentrate on their jobs, over making sure he is entertained all day.  Its funny how these people can be so bothered and offended over not getting attention from the same people they treat like they are invisible or dog sh!t for months on end., then try to act they care about  you out of the blue thinking they are that relevant.  Also, they act like I should be in the depths of despair wiith worry over what they think about me anyway. Talk about delusional.
I tend to wonder if Mean Girl and ManChild are only sucking up, trying to save face because they realized they cant really afford to risk losing their jobs before they can retire, Really makes you wonder...

 

Last edited by LittleTypeAmy (3/03/2026 2:53 pm)