And... you reported the violation of the RO.  Right?

Trash is not self-aware, and they are exceptionally judgmental though they have zero to base their delusion of superiority on.  Just keep notifying the Court of the violations of the RO.

Do not reply to the pathetic BS from Mr. Beat-r-down.  Just keep documenting and loading the Court with notifications of his violations.  Keep your attorney updated.  Grief takes time.  A divorce is a deep source of grieving.  Embrace the grief process, take care of you, and thrive in your unfolding new life adventure.



I wasted no time in embracing my best life when my first marriage ended.  It was painful, I grieved, but I did not postpone investing in living well and reconnecting with the Rags I enjoyed being.  

I was not quite done with the recovery/grief process when I met my incredible bride.  The cycle is generally a 2-4 year process. I probably should have given the process 5-6 years.  I met my bride just over 3yrs post final divorce hearing.  We dated for 8mos before we married. Over the first couple of years of marriage I was still working through the later elements of the recovery process.  That was entirely unfair to my incredible bride, and I am fortunate that I did not do us unrecoverable damage as I completed the process.  That is a testament to how amazing she is, and forgiving.  I, was definitely an idiot.  


 

I agree with everything MorningMia said. I don't often advocate taking the high road, but I do in this case. You live exactly how you want to live - your pathetic ex can go boil his head.  His nasty deeds will come back to him eventually, I promise you.  Karma has a big bite, and I don't believe the Universe likes it when people hurt others for fun.  

Meera - I agree with what you said about moving.  Though it can also stir up more trouble.  DH and I moved from a town 5 minutes drive from where BM lived, to a town several hours away, in 2020.  Things were briefly quiet and then SD30 unleashed the whirlwind, prompting me to cut ties with her. I believe she expected us to live near her, with DH on hand to minister to her, forever.  

Last edited by Kes (12/02/2025 2:43 am)

Clove... that sucks.. and honestly.. people that would easily believe some trash spewed by your felonious EX are probably right down in that proverbial gutter in class with him.

But, I will also give you the same advice I have given my OSD who is going through a divorce with a stupid, mean EX.  Be above reproach.. and your primary goal is to cleanly break away and be done with that part of your life.. but you also need to ensure that there is notiing you can be accused of.. even the APPEARANCE of action can be used against you... so, I told her that she needed to put any potential dating... socializing with the opposite sex should be delayed until her divorce is settled.  

Because, as you have seen.. even innocent actions can be painted with a tarnishing brush.  

Yeah.. I get the urge to want to show him (and yourself) that you are a catch.. that you are worthy of being pursued.. etc.. but anything that could "look" like a date.. is probably going to be used negatively.

As I also told her.. she doesn't have any friends.. none.. there is no one that she should feel comfortable sharing anything.. yeah.. bear the burden "alone".. no one needs to know any details of anything.. because.. again.. even if they may make all the right supportive noises with you... some will share info with others that don't have your best interests at heart. 

Come here and vent if you need an outlet.. but NO ONE barring your legal team should be privvy to ANY details in your real life.. not family.. not "friends".. 

If people press you for information.. "oh.. it's really difficult to talk about.. I hope you understand".  

Do you have to crawl under a rock? no.. but I would really focus on yourself and probably be less socially active until this is behind you... and again.. I would consider moving.. as others and I have suggested before.. this guy has poisoned this place for you.. get your "payout".. and start again.. somewhere far away from him and his toxic dingleberry small town.
 

Oh CLove that's too bad. What a jerk. Haters are just jealous lovers, imo. I'm glad to hear you're out on the town, I hope you're able to let's life's enjoyment and freedom overshadow the crap.

Clove!!! So happy to hear from you! Girl! You cross my mind all the time!!

All I can add is - you do you. But I will say ESMOD has some valid points.

Continue to be careful and aware. And tell your friends to keep the negative comments away from you!

CLove, ESMOD made excellent points. I went through this, too. It's disheartening to learn that people you thought were your friends are more interested in the drama than they are in being your friend. It's heartbreaking that someone who is supposed to love and cherish you lies and gaslights and attacks and beats you. 

You ARE strong. And when you're not so strong, you have plenty of people here who are willing to listen and lift you up. Healing from this takes time. Be kind to yourself. 

And be ruthless with that lowlife jerkwad. Contact your attorney and give him the info. No quarter! 

Sending hugs to you, my dear.

It's hard to ignore the slings and arrows of hateful, petty people.

I agree that you should report the violation of the RO. I also agree with those advising you to take the high road, though I think it depends on the situation to what extent you're able to ignore your neighbors. I have neighbors who know BM, and I worry that BM trashes us to them. They knew her and DH as a married couple before I entered into the picture. I wish I could be more like dh. He's a pretty self-confident guy, and doesn't think too hard about what others might be saying about him. Sometimes I think he should care a little more, but he's able to be quite content. I fret sometimes, but I've been able to let go more what others think of me. I actually have SS to thank for that. I've learned that just because someone hates you doesn't mean you did anything that deserves that hate. I needed to get that straight inside myself before I could stand up for myself in regards to others.

I think everyone has already said the most important things, and I’ll just add that the silver lining in this atrocious situation is that you are getting a really good validation that leaving this lowlife was a good decision, and also his behaviour online is a good reassessment tool for your existing friendships. Look at it this way: if not for him, you’d still be trusting and therefore vulnerable with people who are secretly pretty vile.