Bullet Points:

*8 years into this marriage
*Never been married prior-no children of my own
*Very clear to husband PRIOR to marriage, I did not want to live with his children, if that would be the case, I was uninterested in marrying into that situation. He accepted my terms. Kids came over for scheduled visitation, vacations etc.
*My husband VERY generous to ex-wife and children, Money not an issue. I witnessed the children defiantly use my husband as cash register.
*Was sheltered by husband on how really bad ex-wife was during their marriage, during the divorce and subsequently some major issues with the children right after marryingStealing my person items to make my life difficult- keys, eyeglasses, ear buds, even got caught with stealing MY UNDERWEAR, triangulation, manipulation) 
*Some not so honest behaviors from husband at times (not being honest about cost of college tuition and car loans) Doesn't affect our household but that not the point,
*Children either getting out of college or going into college at this point.
*NOW****The eldest child now wants to live with us after college. (Mother has sold her home and moving out of state-child support majorly changing)


So now that you have a little back story. Here is my dilemma:

I have never been close to the children for obvious reasons (stealing, rudeness, ignoring e in my own home, the list goes on). My husband now has stated that "the promise he made to me about the living arrangement, now is defunct" he wants his eldest child to live with us until he gets settled. He does not want to bend. I heard he speaking to his family stating "I will choose my children first"

I am just devastated, hurt and not sure how to feel and don't really know what to do... I was brought up differently that your spouse should be number one and that because on the tension within this blended family he would see my feelings and take them seriously.  

I come from a blended family myself. so, I'm not blind to these issues and I have a understanding even though I have had challenges with the situation., and was taught that your spouse should come first and you should protect your spouses well-being (mental and otherwise). It has been a hard road.. 

Am I overreacting? Should I just accept what I do not want.? I love him and wouldn't want to be with a man, if he didn't want to take care of his obligations. But I feel like this is a struggle for me and we already have been thorugh so much..

Please kind and give me your thoughts...