She is a horrible piece of work. I'm so sorry you abd DH have to deal with her vengeful moneygrubbing.

Rags wrote:

Hmmmm?  I'm seeing that BM is building evidence to hang herself when DH unleashes a claim against BM for consistent interference with his visitation with is son. She will have to provide all of her documentation to the court and to your side if she actually files the CS mod.

DH is escalating in his anxiety because I think he is tired of dealing with BM and honestly just wants to be done. He has been in an anxious, aggressive mood since the email came through this morning. I told DH that BM's "evidence" won't matter because the CS calculation process doesn't require anything more than submitting paystubs and W2/1099 forms to the FOC. There is no court hearing, no meeting, no nothing - just mailing in documents to the FOC and waiting for the calculated results to be mailed back. If BM chooses to appeal, which would require money, time, and effort from her to do (which she has never wanted to do before), then this could be used as evidence and we could use our evidence of her asking for constant parenting time changes to accommodate sporting events. Regardless, neither her nor our evidence related to those parenting time changes truly helps or hurts the child support calculation, since that is strictly a numbers game. I feel that DH is putting the cart before the horse with this one, worrying about what may never happen. BM's game plan has always been about creating evidence, even if she never needs it, so she can be/feel 5 steps ahead of DH. Every communication she sends serves as a narrative to prove her point and that is her only motive for "co-parenting" communication.

BM always ramps up when attention is off of her or when the holidays are coming. In this situation, both are happening - DD has just arrived, claiming DH's focus and the holidays are coming. It's the perfect storm. I'm just sick of BM all together. It's been a LONG 13, almost 14 years of toxicity, high conflict games, and anxiety and I'm ready to rid our bubble of BM and GF all together. I am so sick of their dark cloud shadowing over our lives, complicating every visit, every holiday, every vacation, every phone call, every financial need, etc. I'm ready for sunnier, brighter, BM and GF free days.

Last edited by CastleJJ (11/24/2025 2:52 pm)

@notarelative Yes, the lessons are still Italian lessons. SS has been taking private Italian lessons for 5 years now and can barely speak a lick of it. Yet BM and GF continue to pay $40 per lesson for SS to accomplish nothing in the language. And yes, they still have not taken SS to Italy (and likely will not).

CastleJJ wrote:

Rags wrote:

Hmmmm?  I'm seeing that BM is building evidence to hang herself when DH unleashes a claim against BM for consistent interference with his visitation with is son. She will have to provide all of her documentation to the court and to your side if she actually files the CS mod.

DH is escalating in his anxiety because I think he is tired of dealing with BM and honestly just wants to be done. He has been in an anxious, aggressive mood since the email came through this morning. I told DH that BM's "evidence" won't matter because the CS calculation process doesn't require anything more than submitting paystubs and W2/1099 forms to the FOC. There is no court hearing, no meeting, no nothing - just mailing in documents to the FOC and waiting for the calculated results to be mailed back. If BM chooses to appeal, which would require money, time, and effort from her to do (which she has never wanted to do before), then this could be used as evidence and we could use our evidence of her asking for constant parenting time changes to accommodate sporting events. Regardless, neither her nor our evidence related to those parenting time changes truly helps or hurts the child support calculation, since that is strictly a numbers game. I feel that DH is putting the cart before the horse with this one, worrying about what may never happen. BM's game plan has always been about creating evidence, even if she never needs it, so she can be/feel 5 steps ahead of DH. Every communication she sends serves as a narrative to prove her point and that is her only motive for "co-parenting" communication.

BM always ramps up when attention is off of her or when the holidays are coming. In this situation, both are happening - DD has just arrived, claiming DH's focus and the holidays are coming. It's the perfect storm. I'm just sick of BM all together. It's been a LONG 13, almost 14 years of toxicity, high conflict games, and anxiety and I'm ready to rid our bubble of BM and GF all together. I am so sick of their dark cloud shadowing over our lives, complicating every visit, every holiday, every vacation, every phone call, every financial need, etc. I'm ready for sunnier, brighter, BM and GF free days.

Sunnier BM/GF free days will arrive.  Not soon enough when you are immersed in it of course. But when the opposition is purged at the point they lose relevancy it is a great day. Interesting, but great.

For me it was like all kid all of the time, constant underlying tension regarding SpermClan drama and antics, then.... poof.  Done.  I did not realize how poised I constantly was to bring the pain to their existence when they crossed the line and deviated from the CO. Until.... it was all over and they truly became irrelevant to our lives other than to have our kid's back when they pulled their never-ending crap with him.

Even SS got to the point where they were of no relevance to his life. None. Whatsoever.   It took several years after he aged out from under the CO, but their continued manipulation and drama eventually resulted in him flushing them down the crapper where they earned their place to be.  

At 33 he has not spoken to any of them in well over half a dozen years.  They have no place in his life or value to him.  Value from the redeeming quality perspective, not the financial perspective.  Though he does struggle with some emotional and mental illness issues tied in some ways to their torturous manipulations over his entire childhood and early adulthood.

I truly hope that your SS can avoid those types of issues.  

My son had his mom and I and my family.  Your son has his dad, you, and his sisters.   Both my son and yours are cursed with a shallow and polluted end to their gene pools.  While strong support is critical and having people who have their backs is helpful, it is extremely rare for a kid cursed with a shallow and polluted end to their gene pool to escape completely unscathed.

That is heartbreaking.
 

Last edited by Rags (11/25/2025 1:37 pm)

Wow what a piece of work she is. I was happy to hear that the child support update would be a calculation of numbers and not some sort of hearing. That's what I was first anticipating.

I would expect that they might try to appeal, given that they sent all those numbers for extracurriculars. Of course that display might have been just them pre-emptively advising you of the activities so that its not "surprising" to you at your scheduled visits when they last minute claim that SS can't visit due to some bogus activity. It's clear that they have some sort of agenda. I would be on watch.

Not to mention it always seemed like they were signing him up for things that he didn't really seem interested in doing?

Im not sure how this works, but is there any way to file for contempt of the agreement if  BM tries to say your step son can't come visit due to the crazy amount of sports they have signed him up for? Or would you just try to pick him up... That sounds complicated to figure out.

It's very sad when parents in a co-parenting situation try to use sports as an alienation attempt to try to keep the kid away from the other parent by interfering with their parenting time. But it does happen..

My ex used to schedule things like swimming lessons that also landed on my time with the kids without asking me and it ended up being a big $hitshow because it ended up seriously interfering with stuff that we had wanted to do with the kids

Last edited by Yesterdays (11/27/2025 7:12 am)

All of this is exactly why zero deviation from the CO is so critical. No, means no.

Of course, we were on the CP side so we did not have so much manipulation to deal with from our opposition as you do with yours.