Take the win. Relish in the victory and the far better life you are living following BM's defeat and the SKidult running home to mommy.

Freedom4Me wrote:

But I still f*cking hate her guts. She tried to get back with my husband after he married me and would try to garner his sympathy with fake “rap” stories (she’s so dumb she can hardly spell.) The “rap” stories were all fiction! She neglected now Skidult to an horrifying degree and coached skid to disrespect DH, me and try to destroy my marriage. It was like warfare; the stress and anxiety made me obese (never as fat as BM though.) 

My husband very obviously prioritized me and our marriage and all the children (ours and skid.) It was still brutal at times, h had minor divorced dad guilt. 

I get triggered when DH speaks skidult’s name, like fear and anger wash over me and I hate myself for this. I haven’t seen Skidult in years. BM is quiet, now. I waged my war of attrition and stayed the course hoping adult would launch at 18 and Skidult did (to BM’s.) 
 

I'm almost there. Almost. BM never wanted my DH back, but she felt entitled to his attention and care, and enjoyed flexing her "charm" over him. It would actually make me jealous because I could see that it worked on DH, though he denied it. Early on, BM tried very hard to ruin vacations by drumming up drama, like dropping really bad news by text that she saved up until we went on vacation. That would ensure DH would take hours texting back and forth instead of enjoying our trip. There was a lot of drama like that and more. 

I worked pretty hard to make DH aware that she was manipulating him. I convinced him to put boundaries down and not open himself up to her "charms" and emotional blackmail. It was hard because I think they had a trauma bond. Throughout their marriage, she gave him scraps of affection, but mostly contempt. So any little smile she flashed at him, he seemed to melt and want to please her. But over time, the spell started to fade. Now interactions with BM are limited to exchanging visitation of the dog. But she's even using that to triangulate us. DH and I had a pretty big fight recently due to this, so looks like she still has some power left. For my part, I think I need to let go of the past. Her attempts to control the narrative and power over DH in the past makes me very reactive to dealing with her now, and I think I become unfair and emotional. DH is completely baffled how strong I react to her requests, but he doesn't acknowledge the extent of her efforts to interfere and control him/us.

Btw, early on, she would often wonder aloud to dh why I didn't want to hang out with her and be friends. Hahaha. I honestly think she thought she could charm, and then control me too. Kind of delusional that she would think I'd be oblivious to her attempts at sabotaging us.

I wrote a post or blog in Steptalk about being triggered--how through all these years and things being settled and good, I sometimes still get triggered because of past step-trauma. Most of mine is focused on the skids.  
BM here was like a lot of cheaters: the grass looked greener elsewhere until she rolled around in it and ended up with dog poop all over her. Came out smelling bad! By then, DH had GONE. She wanted him back. 
Like someone else said in here, DH didn't tell me the full BM story when we were dating (probably out of embarrassment). I later learned she was a major factor in his two prior post-divorce relationships going south. Our first year together, there were a few arrows thrown, and she sent him a birthday card and wrote in it, "You are an AMAZING MAN." (wtf?) It was later very clear that she wanted to destroy our marriage. One of the hundreds of emails she sent to the both of us said something about, "I know we tried to reconcile several times." When she didn't get what she wanted, she turned the skids against both of us. Yes, she was special.  I get the hate. I have been there! 

BUT it's true: living well is not only the best revenge; it helps to disappear these kinds of people . . . at least for the most part. I knew I was mostly out of it (when it comes to BM, not necessarily the skids) when one of the skids said (because they always incessantly talked about her in our home) that she had started a really good new job, and I said, "Oh, that's good. She still has some time to collect some good retirement." And I meant it. 

But remember this: People like your DH's ex and my DH's ex and many of our DHs' exes make their own misery. They tend not to be happy or content people. Happy people don't act badly. And they've made their own swampy beds which they have to lie in every night. BM on this end has had no relationships since she was with the cheating boyfriend so many years ago. It appeared a while back that many of her friends had dropped her. She depends on her daughter, lives through her daughter, her life is her daughter. It seems there is nothing else, so I'm sure she's been lonely. But she did all this to herself. 
Shake her off.