Glad to hear that SD64 is trying to do better, sounds like she needs a caretaker, sad, but sounds like that's the only way she can survive.
Sorry to hear about you mom, but 102, wow!  When my mom had to move my grandmother into a nursing home is when my mom got the downsizing bug.  She cleaned out of and got rid of tons of stuff.  The biggest one for her was photo albums.  She scanned all the photos onto a hard drive and got rid of the actual paper ones.  Her reasoning was nobody cares about those photos.  When we cleaned out my grandmothers house she had boxes and boxes of photo albums that nobody wanted.  

JRI wrote:

Hi, guys, I've been lurking but thought I'd post an update.  You all remember my SD64, The Grifter. Well, there's news.  Her car, which we bought a few years ago, had some kind of prob and she was stranded near her daughter, C's Section 8 apartment.  She's been stranded there about a month.  Her car is sitting in the parking lot.  Supposedly, some friend of C is trying to fix it but no luck yet.  To my intense surprise, DH88 hasn't responded, proof positive of his dementia.  To my surprise, SD64 likes it there and has applied for an apartment!  The apartments are all being remodeled so I'm sure that's a factor.  But now she's cleaning for me weekly (pays a neighbor for rides) and she seems healthier, has better color, isn't shaking anymore.  She said her new doctor took her off a bunch of drugs and she's eating and sleeping better.  I think living with C helps, too, C cooks.  SD seems less isolated than when living in our condo.  At the apartment, she's friends with many neighbors.  So, I hope I'm not smoking hoopium but there's a chance I'll be able to sell that condo.  

I'm still in caretaker mode with DH who has 2 kinds of cancer and a heart valve he is refusing to get replaced.   He's still himself pretty much but I have to help him dress and undress, bathe, go to bed.   He's using a cane outside the home.  But, we still go out to eat, still go to the casino. 

My mother died in June at age 102. I was her trustee and altho she did everything possible to make it easy, it's still been a lot of hassle and bureaucracy. But, that's about over now        .  
I'm in downsize mode, trying to get rid of "stuff", in my mind, the basement and one room are already in "estate sale" mode, everything there is ready to go.  I don't know how long we can stay here, I think my unconscious is getting ready for the future 

I think about you all and it's interesting to see how things develop for all of us.  When I figure out how to do it, I'll add my fave quote like many of you have.  "Mental health is an ongoing dedication to reality, at all costs".

 

JRI, It is good to hear from you.  It is great that SD-64 is improving and may be showing signs of growing up.

I hope that you can get the condo sold and your downsizing completed so you can settle into a calm new normal for you and DH.  In the event that SD does move into an apartment near C, what are the odds you can get the condo sold without drama from SD regarding the proceeds of the condo sale?


 

It's good to hear from you, JRI!

I'm so sorry for your loss!

Hopefully, SD continues doing better. 

DH and I are in downsize mode too. We hang on to way too much stuff. It feels good to get rid of it all. 

Fingers crossed that the sale of your condo goes smoothly.

What a happy accident that your SD likes to live in the location where her car broke down. Lol
I hope for the same luck for my SD's and their BM. 

I am sorry for your loss. 

I often think about how to prepare as DH gets older. I am a bit younger and I expect I will be dealing with all the things as time goes on. Both of his parents had dementia so it runs in the family. 

Re 1800gotjunk:  I love them.  I used them for one of Mom's moves.  They come, load up everything then sweep up!  They charge based on how much of the truck you fill up.  So, if a whole truck is $x and you fill up half, then you pay half of $x.

So glad to see your post. I have been wondering about you and your DH. So glad to hear that SD64 is stable and C has taken over the work of maintaining her.

Deciding whether or not to have surgery is a balancing act. Surgery will improve the condition, but the anesthesia required can worsen dementia. In my experience, many doctors/surgeons often do not consider the dementia risk when recommending tests and surgery. DH here has a couple of leaky valves. His cardiologist has indicated, that with the dementia, he’ll manage with medication only. His PCP, on the other hand, keeps suggesting a colonoscopy. I keep reminding him that a routine colonoscopy is not recommended over 75. (DH is 82 and has never had a polyp) Colonoscopies require anesthesia. It’s not worth the risk to his dementia.

Hoping for smooth sailing for you and your DH.

Last edited by notarelative (10/30/2025 9:02 pm)