I really feel for you,  this is elder abuse.  In the UK we have something that can be used in cases where people become ill/ incapacitated. A trusted person can make decisions on their behalf if it's felt that decisions made are detrimental to their health and welfare,  or detrimental to their finances. (being extorted) it's called holding Power of Attorney.  Is there something equivalent in the US that could help? Your DH is definitely being ripped off by your SD.

Thanks, seethelight.  I don't think we are at the Power of Attorney stage yet.  I do actually have DH's.  He's giving her $ freely out of his "allowance" which he'd otherwise spend at the casino.  

The latest twist is that the other 4 kids have been discussing it.  Apparently, SD65 and her daughter, C, have been trying to get $ from various family members the last few days.  So, who knows what's going on 

But, yes, I agree it verges on elder abuse.  Over the years, we've been caring, supportive and naive about her.  I'm slowly tightening the boundaries.  Neither she nor C come to clean anymore.  SD calls to ask permission before she can come.  I don't answer calls and seldom reply to texts.  DH has oncoming dementia but is still alert enough to worry and care about her.  It's a difficult situation 

Yes, it could have been a scam.  Our other 4 kids are skeptical, too.  If I were getting out of jail, I would just want to go home and hibernate.  I don't think I'd be driving 30 miles to my dad's house for lunch.  She will do whatever she can for $.  You should have heard the heart tugging tale she told about her living condition with C and the dire condition of her car.  She was throwing C under the bus but no big deal, she used to do that about her mother, too.  Goals : pity, money.

Would C have scammed her grandfather for her mother?  Do bears sh!t in the woods?  Money, money, money.  C is living in a Section 8 apartment, has already lost custody of one son due to (I suspect) drugs, has no regular job.  She had started delivering for Walmart in SD's illegally licensed car when her dad bought her a nice used SUV last month.  She totaled it the first week.  I feel sorry for her and worry about her financial situation which is why I hired her to clean weekly.  However, sad stories prompted DH89 to supplement the cleaning wage and she began calling asking for an advance.  In the meantime, she'd show up with fast food and regularly beg $ for extras for her 10yo son, like a $300 birthday party at a specialty entertainment place.  I hate to sound like "I walked 50 miles to school in the snow every day" person but in my poor days with 2 kids and no child support, I was working full time, couldn't afford a phone, never ate out and the kids' bdays consisted of a cake and a friend staying over.  She's not a bad person, just poor judgement and a poor example in SD.

Last edited by JRI (Today 6:54 pm)