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1 of 1- JRI
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SD64: Emergency averted?
I got a phone message Saturday night from SD64. "I need to talk to Dad, please have him call me. I'm in trouble, I have to move tomorrow". I felt my stomach clench, we got a similar call about a month ago where she requested $ to move to a hotel but then never followed up. Sunday morning, I told DH89 and he called. No answer but he left a message saying "Call me". He again asked if she could move to our basement, I again said no We never heard back from her.
Her daughter, C, was scheduled to be here today to clean. Sunday night, I got a text from her asking me to take her call, she needed to speak to me about SD64. I texted back that I'd take her call but that I was not feeling well and maxed out here, ie, I have my own problems without yours. She replied that it wasn't about her mom but about a resume I'd done for her. Uh huh
So, this morning, SD64 texted asking if she could come with C. She wanted to talk to DH and bring his belated bday gift. I dreaded it and was ready to say no to a move-in and suggest she go online to find a room to rent til her Section 8 apartment is available. Well, they showed up and everything was sunshine and rainbows. I don't get it
Last edited by JRI (9/08/2026 2:29 pm)
- ImperfectlyPerfect
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Re: SD64: Emergency averted?
JRI wrote:
I got a phone message Saturday night from SD64. "I need to talk to Dad, please have him call me. I'm in trouble, I have to move tomorrow". I felt my stomach clench, we got a similar call about a month ago where she requested $ to move to a hotel but then never followed up. Sunday morning, I told DH89 and he called. No answer but he left a message saying "Call me". He again asked if she could move to our basement, I again said no We never heard back from her.
Her daughter, C, was scheduled to be here today to clean. Sunday night, I got a text from her asking me to take her call, she needed to speak to me about SD64. I texted back that I'd take her call but that I was not feeling well and maxed out here, ie, I have my own problems without yours. She replied that it wasn't about her mom but about a resume I'd done for her. Uh huh
So, this morning, SD64 texted asking if she could come with C. She wanted to talk to DH and bring his belated bday gift. I dreaded it and was ready to say no to a move-in and suggest she go online to find a room to rent til her Section 8 apartment is available. Well, they showed up and everything was sunshine and rainbows. I don't get it
Horrible. I am sorry you have to do with this unstable SKID- this is too much for you. Do your best to stay distanced. Sometimes abuse shows up by 9 of 10 times doing horrid things and then 1 unexpected time being decent to destabilize the person. Also based on your and DH's behavior it appears that they may believe the well of taking may be drying up for a moment so...have to lay it on thick to bring you back into the cycle.
- JRI
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Re: SD64: Emergency averted?
I just cannot figure out what is going on. The first time, I thought maybe SD64 and C had a serious spat but when YSS probed, he found nothing. One thing for sure is that I'm definitely not answering her calls. She can leave a message or text and if I let time pass, things seem to settle down. It makes me remember back in the day when SD64 was such an active person all day. She had me running, "Can my friend come over?", "Can you take us here and there?". But at night when I was winding down, she'd come to me with some medical issue. I'd respond and worry all night. The next day, a miracle cure and she'd be back in form. This situation now makes me remember those days, the late night emergencies.
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Thread Starter- Kes
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Re: SD64: Emergency averted?
You are doing exactly the right thing in your responses to SD64, but the fact is, it's stressful to keep being asked if someone you can't stand can move in with you. Maybe you can tell her once and for all that she is not going to get a different answer and she needs to stop asking. You have enough on your plate without one of the most stressful people in the world moving in with you!
- JRI
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Re: SD64: Emergency averted?
Thanks for the support, Kes. The person asking is DH. I doubt SD wants to move in, she just wants DH to finance an apartment or extended hotel stay. The basement is his solution to her expensive desires. At least he's asking nowadays, always in the past 4 or 5 times, he didn't ask, he just told her she could move in. I think he knows I'd leave him if he did it again and he knows he needs me.
It's ironic when these calls come in. They always arrive late so I wait til the morning after breakfast to tell him she wants him to call. He usually says, "Why don't you call her?" and when I refuse, he reluctantly places the call. This last time, she didn't pick up so he left a message then went in for his nap. He said, " If she calls, find out how much she wants and tell her to pick it up". I didn't say anything but thought Hell no but she didn't call.
He would never admit it, but he dreads talking to her or seeing her.
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Thread Starter- StandingStrong
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Re: SD64: Emergency averted?
Ugh. What a mess so many of us deal with. I think it's going to come to the point you will have to do what Kes suggested...just tell her loud and outright the money grabbing is over and she will never move into your home. Her manipulative behaviors are deep and almost borderline abuse of her dad. And you. I'm sorry.
- MorningMia
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Re: SD64: Emergency averted?
As always, I 100% agree with Standing Strong. There IS a real thing called elder abuse which includes financial exploitation.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.