My SS is 20 yo, so I suppose he is an adult and I can talk about him on this "Adult Stepchildren" forum. I don't really have a lot of run-ins with him anymore, but sometimes I worry from afar. In the past, he's been deceitful, so I don't always believe what DH reports is the facts, according to SS.  I guess I wanted to just have a place where I could clarify what might be going on. In the past, DH would reiterate and back up everything and anything SS reported even when it was highly doubtful. Later we might learn that SS had in fact been lying, stealing, or whatever. Wouldn't it be better if DH were more clear-eyed so that he could be better prepared to guide SS whether to support SS on a good path, or advise him against a bad one? Or is the issue that I should be less suspicious?

Unsurprisingly, SS doesn't seem to be succeeding at his "start up", not quite sure what that's about. He was going to take the entire year off from college to devote himself to working on his great entrepreneurial idea, but he decided in the middle of August that it wasn't working, so he'd go back to college. Well, he says it's too late for him to because there is an "enrollment cap" or some such. Then the story became about how the classes he needed were full, so he is going to elect to defer the fall semester. But I suspect that he knew at the start of the summer that he wouldn't be going to this new college because he didn't do well in the spring, as indicated by comments DH has made. SS applied to transfer to a new school (the third in three years) because he keeps chasing after better schools than the one he's at. He nearly failed highschool and thinks he could have done a lot better if he just tried. So yeah, he thinks he's quite capable, but he regrets not making the effort in highschool. Btw, I remember his last science class in his high school career was in his junior year. His final project was to draw pictures of animals he learned about. I was thinking, 'is that what high schoolers do in school these days?' I just couldn't imagine how a 17 yo could be prepared for college doing work like that. But he did graduate, and went to community college. He used AI extensively, took easy classes, and got into a state college, and after a semester of that, applied to transfer to an even better state college.

Another thing I am wondering about is that apparently SS met a girl at his last college who DH says SS is crazy about. They've been dating at least 8 months. But despite SS raving about his GF to DH all of the time, DH has never met the GF. There were opportunities this summer when DH was home during breaks from work out of town. She's going back to college a few hours away, but she lives in the next town over from us. DH invited her over to our place at least once that I know of. DH also sees SS for at least several hours whenever he comes back from his job which is every 1-3 weeks. But somehow SS always has a reason why GF is not available to meet DH. As far as I know, SS adores DH, even obsessively so. He was clingy and possessive towards DH when he was a teen, and though he would direct some of that type of intensity to others, like certain friends, when his friends went to college, his focus on DH became highly intensified, at times calling him multiple times a day, sending him pictures of himself constantly, etc. So why would SS avoid introducing the two people he seems to care about so much, GF and DH? My feeling is that SS doesn't want his GF to be around us because he isn't truthful about who he is. He's a future CEO of his own company, not an almost dropped out of highschool guy. SS also didn't bring his first real GF around us much. They were so in love supposedly that they were planning to get married. But I remember when she was over once towards the end of their relationship, her saying to SS, 'Why do you f**ing lie all of the time?!" I was really struck by the fact that SS didn't react at all to that accusation. Wouldn't you push back against being called a liar?? Instead, he just tried to get her to stay longer at the house, but she left. The few times SS did bring her around us, she was sooo disrespectful to both DH and myself. I wasn't surprised that he had poisoned the well with me. But it was clear that the ex-GF also had a very bad reaction to DH as well. She didn't even say 'hi' to either of us when she came over. She ignored DH if he asked her anything. This is despite the fact that DH would give SS tons of money to every week to take her out (she was somewhat high maitenance). I get the feeling that SS may lick DH's boots whenever they're together, but when DH is not around, for whatever reason, SS tells stories about DH that isn't very nice.