The resentment thread really got me thinking, and I recognized that a lot of my resentment has festered because of the treatment of DH by the skids--not only because anybody hates seeing someone they love mistreated, but also because it has circled back around to me (although there was plenty directed specifically toward me) because I am the person who deals with the hurt person. And it has been years. 

I have mentioned here that in the early days, the holidays (as well as Fathers Days) were freaking miserable because mopey, hurt DH was getting arrows flung at him. Today, it's different, but it's still there.

I took some time off and was around the house more often than usual and overheard snippets of phone conversations DH had with both skids at separate times. During a conversation he had with SD, I could tell he had been left out of some really important information about her life and he had been making efforts to get it but was apparently ignored; during a conversation with SS, DH attempted to share some really good news, and I could tell SS didn't even acknowledge what DH was telling him. It didn't matter to him. Later, DH made a comment about how "people" see him as just a figure, like not a real human with feelings (I can't remember the words he used). As I've said before, people in my family have through the years treated DH much, much better than his kids have. Still, what is DH doing? Frantically planning a (difficult) trip to see SD (so that he can come home distraught). What the . . . . 

I said to him back in the day that he doesn't have to be a punching bag. We do have choices. Instead, he has forever pretended to the outside world that everything is great with his skids (not that he should complain about them to others). It's like he pretends there are these relationships that exist that do not exist. In fact, what burns me the most is that the punishment BM decided to inflict on him so many years ago was successful. The only thing is that I stepped out of the line of fire. THIS is what she wanted . . . eternal punishment. And he has allowed it/tolerated it. 

It would be different if I did not witness him affected by all of this. And, yes, I get frustrated with him because, for God's sake, do something different if the same people keep hurting you. I just have to work on detaching . . . more from the cobweb of mean that his ex-wife and skids have woven. My God!