I started a thread on resentment previously, but I wanted to revisit this topic because I heard a psychology podcast that I thought was really insightful. It talked about the causes of resentment and solutions. Some of the causes of resentment that I related to as a SM is 1. There is an injustice done to you, but 2. you are powerless to do anything about it because the situation does not allow you to either take action OR worse, does not allow you to even talk about it. So your mind goes into resentment and ongoing rumination. Since you can't DO anything about the injustice, your mind just chews and chews and chews on it. Rumination is not very healthy. Another cause is that 3. someone who has power over you uses it to humiliate or invalidate you. I feel like this one is very true in the case of being a SM, but it can be hidden because of the fact that we appear to be the "authority figures" in the situation. In other words, as a parental figure, it appears that I have more power than SS. But the fact is that I'm in the power down situation. DH handles all of the discipline of his son, so I have to accept how they handle the situation. Also I love DH and don't want to upset or disappoint him and dh became quite upset if he thought I was harming SS in any way (which is totally just based on his perception of "harm"). If SS tried to mess with me, DH would actually get mad at and blame me! That added to the sense of injustice and fueled resentment. 

The psychologist who did the podcast said that the solution is to 1. be aware of your resentment, 2. be compassionate to yourself because resentment usually comes from real causes, I forget the 3rd and 4th points, but I do remember #5 which was to take action. There is always some action you can take, like determining what you will do the next time such a situation arises again. Apparently, acting to protect yourself is super helpful even if it isn't successful. Just by you deciding to and taking steps to protect yourself is enough to give a person a sense of satisfaction. In general, action takes you outside of your head and into the realm of reality. I think that's exactly what happened when I started to show my anger last year and started to put my foot down. I guess it was a risk on my part, but I am much more at peace having stood up for myself.

I found these insights really helpful and wanted to share.