Welcome!!!
June fun facts https://www.almanac.com/content/month-june-holidays-fun-facts-folklore
#cc6600
1 of 1- Meera
- Member
Offline 
Comings and Goings
Lately, I don't have much free time, but I often think about ST and how great it is to have a supportive group that "gets it" when I need advice or a safe place to vent. Life has been full of all good things that keep me busy.
SDiablas have (mostly) been on the back-burner. A few months back YSD27 claimed that she planned to move in with us. She stayed with us for a few days, on and off, here and there, but for the most part she has, thankfully, been staying elsewhere.
While she was here she made rude, poor me - I'm the victim, jealousy inspired type jabs to my BD22 when they were alone. After all the passive aggressive and rude comments, BD is finally done feeling sorry for her and has begun to refer SD27 back to DH for all complaints and concerns. My BD is a very compassionate person and it took a lot for her to get to that point.
SD27 had previously stayed away from our home for several months after I laid down a boundary that she could not push me around in my own home.
I think she returned to test the boundary. When she found that the boundary remains firm and that I am not taking the bait, but rather allowing DH to deal with all things stepD related, she once again faded away into the background. DH is doing a better job of NOT catering to her. SD is finally responsible for all of her own expenses.
She recently got a "job." It is a 9 month work exchange program that provides free room and board and a small stipend. I don't want to get my hopes up about 9 months of peace because I seriously doubt she will last that long and when she quits she will still be penniless, jobless and probably back on our door-step. She has been working with a career counselor for several months but even with all the paid help there is no job to be found for SD.
IMO the entire thing is stupid. She needs to get a job, a real job, any job and save up but she can't possibly do anything that isn't a preferred activity.
DH told me that OSD29 was going to be spending this summer at BM's but as most information that comes down the line, that turned out to be bad intelligence aka lies. I think that OSD just told DH bad information to maintain the fantasy that she and BM play "happy family" but in reality she can't stand living with cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs BM. The real truth came out that she will be spending time with friends, doing various odd gigs and in-between activities guess where she wants to stay?
Of course .... With us.
OSD will likely only be here for a few days which shouldn't be too bad. I am so happy that as of now, neither one is planning to live with us.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- JRI
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
I'm hoping against hope that neither lands back at your door but I know how it goes. SD64 always somehow ended up back here. When her first marriage broke up, here she came with her baby. She had tried living with BM and her new husband but 3 adults and a baby in a trailer didn't work because BM's DH was "so mean". Then she married DH#2 and that lasted a long time cuz #2 was a sainted martyr who stayed with her for the sake of their 2 kids. They split once the kids were out of high school. She tried apartment living but after 2 evictions, here she came. This last stint lasted a year, it was so miserable living with a lying druggie. One day, she was really out of it, who knows what drug. I had a hair appointment so left her with DH. He made this situation, let him deal. Well, he did. He called her daughter, M, a firm anti- drug person with no illusions about her mom. She came over and flushed all drugs. I came home about then. M was on her case. Every time SD tried to come upstairs, she yelled "Go back down, your scaring Grandma and Grandpa". She told DH to call the police if any further upset.
Step family, don't you just love it.
Last edited by JRI (6/05/2026 6:57 pm)
- Kes
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
Meera - you are being very sanguine in the light of the threat of SD27 and SD29 appearing at any moment, even if they don't want to live with you. If they do appear, I'm sure you will hold the boundaries well, and they will conclude they can't push you around, nor your daughter.
Surely young women in their late 20s should be establishing their own households by now? I know, it's the Diablas, sigh! 
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
Failure to launch. I mean, I know things are tough out there, but what the hell! Call me (and most of the rest of the world) crazy, but I LIKED working. I liked saving money. I liked being independent from my parents.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Meera
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
JRI wrote:
I'm hoping against hope that neither lands back at your door but I know how it goes. SD64 always somehow ended up back here. When her first marriage broke up, here she came with her baby. She had tried living with BM and her new husband but 3 adults and a baby in a trailer didn't work because BM's DH was "so mean". Then she married DH#2 and that lasted a long time cuz #2 was a sainted martyr who stayed with her for the sake of their 2 kids. They split once the kids were out of high school. She tried apartment living but after 2 evictions, here she came. This last stint lasted a year, it was so miserable living with a lying druggie. One day, she was really out of it, who knows what drug. I had a hair appointment so left her with DH. He made this situation, let him deal. Well, he did. He called her daughter, M, a firm anti- drug person with no illusions about her mom. She came over and flushed all drugs. I came home about then. M was on her case. Every time SD tried to come upstairs, she yelled "Go back down, your scaring Grandma and Grandpa". She told DH to call the police if any further upset.
Step family, don't you just love it.
You must be really good to deal with all that. Good for your husband dealing. It seems that when we step-back they do find a way.
I feel sorry for the wildlife drinking and swimming in water bodies polluted with your SD's drugs.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- •
Thread Starter- Meera
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
Meera - you are being very sanguine in the light of the threat of SD27 and SD29 appearing at any moment, even if they don't want to live with you. If they do appear, I'm sure you will hold the boundaries well, and they will conclude they can't push you around, nor your daughter.
Surely young women in their late 20s should be establishing their own households by now? I know, it's the Diablas, sigh!
OSD will be in town to go to a peer's wedding. It's kind of funny when she whines about how all her peers are coming of age, having grown-up relationships, moving into their own homes etc. while she is still all alone spinning her wheels. We all make our own choices but SD seems to believe that she's a helpwus victim. I have an urge to point this out to her, instead I bite my tongue. (Into hamburger as Mia would say Lol!)
The way I see it, as long as I am in a relationship with DH I am going to have to accept that SD's will be a part of our life on some level. I try to keep a cheerful outlook and I try to accept the things I cannot change even in the dark corners of life, especially in the dark corners of life.
I am supportive of him having a relationship with SD's if that is what he wants to do. I try to stay out of it as much as possible and let him be graced with the aura of their presence.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- •
Thread Starter- Meera
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
Failure to launch. I mean, I know things are tough out there, but what the hell! Call me (and most of the rest of the world) crazy, but I LIKED working. I liked saving money. I liked being independent from my parents.
Fortunately OSD is financially independent. She is the type that will claw her way to the top as she throws everyone under the bus. I feel sorry for her co-workers. BM is similar in personality but much more of an idiot, therefore less dangerous.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- •
Thread Starter- JRI
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
Meera, I think you're wise to accept your situation and realize the SKs and their issues will be a part of your life as long as you're with DH. You're doing all you can do, figuring out your boundaries and letting DH do his thing with them. I am in the same boat. I worry when I read posts from some of the younger step parents who are counting the days til age 18 altho I certainly understand. It just does not stop then but the legalities do end, depending on the state law. But, the SK immaturity, entitlement, resentment, jealousy and other negative feelings don't automatically end and in some cases, like ours, continue to be a factor in our lives.
- Meera
- Member
Offline
Re: Comings and Goings
Meera, I think you're wise to accept your situation and realize the SKs and their issues will be a part of your life as long as you're with DH. You're doing all you can do, figuring out your boundaries and letting DH do his thing with them. I am in the same boat. I worry when I read posts from some of the younger step parents who are counting the days til age 18 altho I certainly understand. It just does not stop then but the legalities do end, depending on the state law. But, the SK immaturity, entitlement, resentment, jealousy and other negative feelings don't automatically end and in some cases, like ours, continue to be a factor in our lives.
It was super helpful to me to talk to seasoned SP's about their experiences. I didn't fully understand how it never ends even after SD's became adults.
For that matter, I couldn't fully visualize how parenting my BK's would transition as they have become adults and live their own grown-up lives.
I think one has to live it to believe it.
After SD's passed 18 and then graduated from college, it was really helpful to have other seasoned SP's wise words to think back on. I couldn't have stayed as grounded without all of you. So, thank-you!
Last edited by Meera (6/06/2026 10:36 pm)
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- •
Thread Starter