If you recall, in November, BM emailed DH, asking to do mediation to adjust the court order and CS order, just weeks before I was due to give birth to youngest DD. DH told BM "No" and told her if she wanted a CS review, she could follow standard process. BM tried to tell DH it would automatically be initiated by the state, but DH knew that was a lie. Well, in March, the dreaded review came, at BM's request. DH submitted his W2 and paystubs and we have been waiting ever since.

Last week, DH receives an email from the FOC. The email stated "On your questionnaire, you reported you were expecting a baby. Please provide an update on this." DH realized the email was sent to the wrong recipient; it should have been sent to BM, not DH. Within minutes, the FOC recalled the email, but not before DH had read it. DH was frustrated because BM requested the CS review 2 months before their baby was due, but yet the FOC held up the review process to be able to add the baby to the calculation, when the baby wasn't part of the equation at the time of BM's request for a review.

When BM requested the review, DH did the calculations on the state calculator based on BM's old income and DH's current income, our 2 DDs, etc. It estimated at most, he would owe an extra $100 per month, and again that was based on BM's income from 3 years ago, not taking raises into consideration.

DH opens the CS review determination yesterday... An increase of $214 per month. DH was FLOORED. BM makes $20k more than DH in salary and DH has 2 additional kids to BM's 1 additional kid. DH reviewed the paperwork and his monthly gross income is completely wrong, overinflated by almost $2k per month. DH reviewed the information and compared it to his paystubs. It appears his paystub rolled over family leave pay that he took in November 2025 for the birth of DD, that should not be reflected in 2026 YTD. That was pay given instead of his usual wage, not in addition to, but the paystub makes it appear in addition to and that it was paid in 2026. The FOC calculated based on the YTD number instead of his actual listed monthly gross income, resulting in the significant overage. DH is now following up with HR to see if anything can be done about the paystub since that amount shouldn't have rolled over into this year's totals.

Also, when they gave both parents "additional children credits" for the extra children, they gave BM almost $1100 credit for her and GF's baby and gave DH $1200 credit for our two children. When we had DD 4 years ago and BM requested a review then, DH was only granted $100 credit for DD. How is BM getting an $1100 credit for one child? Why aren't additional children calculated 1 to 1?

DH attempted to call the FOC yesterday to ask these questions. They told him too bad, once the determination is made, they cannot answer any questions or alter any information. If DH has questions or concerns, he can file an appeal, which means a court hearing and the perception of a deadbeat Dad trying to appeal to lower CS.

DH doesn't care if his CS amount goes up, but he wants it to be calculated correctly. So if DH's HR corrects the paystubs and we determine an appeal will result in a reduction, he will appeal. If it isn't worth it or HR won't, we will just eat the increase. I just have to keep reminding myself, only 4 more years left.

In other news, we are 2 weeks into our 3 week visit with SS. It hasn't been great. It is clear SS doesn't want to be here, despite him saying he does. He doesn't talk, he doesn't want to do anything, and he keeps leaving the house every evening after dinner to "go for a walk" which we figured out is his 30 minutes to call BM and GF without us knowing. DH has tried to spend time with SS, but SS isn't interested. They watch a TV show together in the evening and after one episode, SS retreats to his room to do whatever for the rest of the night. DH attempts to practice sports with SS in the yard, but DH can't measure up to SS' "elite sports program." Yesterday, we took the kids swimming. SS treaded water in the deep end while we all swam. When DH would swim towards SS, SS would swim away. SS appears to be "too cool" for remedial kid activities or even typical teen activities. Earlier in the week, DH and I put up a huge inflatable waterslide in the yard for the kids and their friends. Did SS participate? Nope, he sat on the front porch, reading a book, "too sophisticated" to be bothered with typical summer shenanigans.

DH has been doing a good job of giving SS responsibilities and setting boundaries. SS isn't allowed unlimited video game time, to which SS has protested adamantly since he got here, despite having significant video game limits at BMs. DH gave SS 3 chores while he is here: (1) unload the dishwasher when it's clean, (2) take out the kitchen trash when it's full, and (3) keep your bedroom and bathroom clean. Well, SS has protested how much trash we throw out, how often we run the dishwasher, and his room and bathroom are disgusting - bed unmade, dirty clothes everywhere, cabinet doors and dresser drawers left open, towels wadded on the floor, toothpaste left open and oozing on the counter, and the rancid stink of excessive body spray... Every day, DH calls SS out for failing to do his minimal chores, SS lashes out, SS begrudgingly does them, and then they repeat that cycle the next day, and every day after. And DH can't discipline because SS just doesn't care. Whatever discipline DH gives, SS just rolls his eyes, unbothered.

SS wants to rot on his phone, rot on his Xbox, eat unlimited junk food, live in filth, and talk to BM and GF until he returns home, that's it, which is ironic because SS isn't allowed to do any of those things at BMs, so why he feels he can do it here is beyond me. And at this rate, DH is at his wits end and is likely going to just let him do it until he goes home next week. It has been too difficult to try to continue our normal life with DD4 and DD6months while SS expects everyone to be uncomfortable and cater to his wishes.

GF has been texting SS a photo of the baby every morning with cutesy little messages of "baby brother misses you so much!" with an update on all the things the baby is doing. At a month old, I'm sure the daily developments aren't all that remarkable. Honestly, the immature nature of GF, BM, and SS just continues to make me want to vomit.

SS is supposed to return here for 3 days over Father's Day weekend to finish out DH's summer visitation and DH told me he is debating faking a family emergency to get out of it. DH doesn't see the point in taking a PTO day, and spending the time and gas money to drive 8 hours to pick SS up for 3 measly days, if SS is just going to be defiant, want to rot and do nothing, and wish he was at BMs.

Last edited by CastleJJ (6/03/2026 10:30 am)