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1 of 1- MorningMia
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Revisiting wills/trusts
I know this topic has been discussed in here before, but I am currently in a bit of state of confusion.
DH and I wrapped up our wills following his health crisis, as we recognized then that had the crisis been worse, we--well, I--could have been in some serious trouble.
Recently, over the past month or so, DH has been suggesting that we arrange a trust instead of or on top of our wills. He's either been talking to people (most likely) or reading about this and told me that he is concerned because of the state we live in that the will could still be contested, that things could get wrapped up in court, and I could be left in a bad situation.
I have my bank and investment accounts (solely mine) with Payable/Pay on Death statements listing specific beneficiaries. I have beneficiaries listed on my retirement account. DH has me as his beneficiary on his bank accounts. What is left over is our house and vehicles and other belongings. He said he's concerned about the house. He also says he just doesn't want me dealing with his kids if he should pass first. I'm getting the feeling like he has information/hints that the skids' claws would come out in a big way should he die. He is good at picking up on little things that people say and sometimes he is tight-lipped about his suspicions of others.
So, the other day, we participated in a live webinar about trusts and, honestly, I felt more confused after viewing it. lol.
Our lawyer ensured us that our wills are in good shape. Now I'm feeling uneasy. (Yes, I'll call the lawyer and express my anxiety to him and ask some questions. ugh.) Any insight here? Thanks.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Merry
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Re: Revisiting wills/trusts
Estate attorneys have seen the worst in families. Be very direct about potential difficulty with skids and ask what could happen if they contested or tried to grab assets or force sale of your house.
We included a clause that completely disinherits anyone who contests.
Our home was a concern too. We wanted the surviving spouse to be able to continue to live in the house, sell it and use proceeds to buy something else, or use proceeds for assisted living or other health care expenses. Then whatever is left (if anything) is split among his kids and mine using a percentage that we established. Our attorney had the deed to our house reflect that percentage of ownership.
We set up a revocable trust that converts to an irrevocable trust when the first of us passes. The irrevocable trust will be managed by a non-family trust manager with a non-family oversight committee.
All of this is mostly because of SD. Her belief of what is “fair” is typically based in what benefits herself and her kids. And she gets mean about it. I don’t want my kids to even have to talk to her if they don’t have to. It will cost a small fortune to have a professional trust manager handle our money but it is worth it.
As to our “stuff,” we will designate particular things to each kid and maybe others, then the rest of it goes into a professionally managed estate sale. Again, no bargaining, no decisions, no contesting. If anybody wants something else they can buy it from the estate. And be mad about it if they want. I won’t care. Already don’t care. I don’t owe even my own kids anything so I’m not messing around with fee-fees here.
DH and I were brutally honest with each other and with our estate attorney. He saw SD’s behavior when his sister’s estate was being settled, so he was 100% on board with these protections.
- MorningMia
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Re: Revisiting wills/trusts
Merry wrote:
Estate attorneys have seen the worst in families. Be very direct about potential difficulty with skids and ask what could happen if they contested or tried to grab assets or force sale of your house.
We included a clause that completely disinherits anyone who contests.
Our home was a concern too. We wanted the surviving spouse to be able to continue to live in the house, sell it and use proceeds to buy something else, or use proceeds for assisted living or other health care expenses. Then whatever is left (if anything) is split among his kids and mine using a percentage that we established. Our attorney had the deed to our house reflect that percentage of ownership.
We set up a revocable trust that converts to an irrevocable trust when the first of us passes. The irrevocable trust will be managed by a non-family trust manager with a non-family oversight committee.
All of this is mostly because of SD. Her belief of what is “fair” is typically based in what benefits herself and her kids. And she gets mean about it. I don’t want my kids to even have to talk to her if they don’t have to. It will cost a small fortune to have a professional trust manager handle our money but it is worth it.
As to our “stuff,” we will designate particular things to each kid and maybe others, then the rest of it goes into a professionally managed estate sale. Again, no bargaining, no decisions, no contesting. If anybody wants something else they can buy it from the estate. And be mad about it if they want. I won’t care. Already don’t care. I don’t owe even my own kids anything so I’m not messing around with fee-fees here.
DH and I were brutally honest with each other and with our estate attorney. He saw SD’s behavior when his sister’s estate was being settled, so he was 100% on board with these protections.
Thank you. We did talk to the attorney about the skid issue. He named them in the wills as specifically not getting anything from the estate but did not include language stating anything about anyone contesting the wills. (It's not that DH does not want to leave his kids anything; he fears them coming after me--he will likely leave them a small amount as well as family heirlooms in a different manner.)
Perhaps we will have a line added to our wills that anyone who contests them will lose out on any finances or materials items provided from any other source) and go the route of a revocable trust that converts to an irrevocable trust . . . .
Again, thank you!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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Thread Starter- CastleJJ
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Re: Revisiting wills/trusts
DH and I are only in our 30s but I work in healthcare so having wills is required in my book. We had our wills drafted after DD4 was born. If I pass, DH gets everything. If DH passes, I get everything. If we both pass, all assets are "cashed in" and allocated to a trust specifically for DD, to be dispersed across different age ranges from 21-30. This has now been updated to add DD6months, dividing all assets 50/50 amongst them following the ages 21, 25, 30 schedule.
DH's will specifically disinherits SS14. Our attorney said this was the best way to clearly outline our wishes and protect our assets if BM or SS were to contest it. DH knows BM would be looking for a handout if DH died and SS wouldn't benefit from any money left behind. Plus, SS is somewhat PASed out and feels BM and GF are his parents. Well, if they are his parents, they can financially support SS; DH won't be an ATM. DH said he will see how the relationship with SS continues over the next 4 years until SS ages out. If SS continues to maintain a positive relationship, we will consider allocating a small portion to our will once he hits adulthood. If he continues to PAS out, he will remain disinherited.