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- step-out
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If you decide to disengage, stick with it!
You may remember me with little sad Tumbles, my SD now in her 30s. She has remained consistently dramatic, and I keep saying I'm "disengaged". Then, she comes back with a brand new VERY bad event in her life (which I feel for) and uses me as her scapegoat. If I don't show up as she expects, I am, once again, the bad guy. Today, 15 years later, I had an actual epiphany, I saw DH acting exactly as he always has, which means pretty much not completely having my back but promising to have a face-to-face talk with her about his expectations. I swear that I would not engage with this girl, as she had caused so much heartbreak and wasted/toxic energy, but I gave in cause I'm a sucker for 'love". If you decide to disengage, stick with it and stand up for yourself. I have wasted so much energy on this narcissistic, unwell girl who has her little circle suckered in and rescuing her every time.
- Rags
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Re: If you decide to disengage, stick with it!
@Step-out - Nothing changes if we keep tolerating the intolerable. The earlier we can land on zero tolerance, the better it is for our own live adventure. Even with our own family or the family of our mate.
It took some time, but my bride and I finally adopted the zero-tolerance policy for any crap from my SS's SpermClan and eventually we expanded that to include much of my IL clan. Fortunately, it was never necessary to add my family to that policy. Over time, SS adopted that same policy with the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool, and with my DW's family as well. We did not manipulate him into following our lead, though we did make sure he was kept abreast of the facts in an evolving age-appropriate manner when he would ask.
I am glad that you are finding some peace on the exit side of the drama train.
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- step-out
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Re: If you decide to disengage, stick with it!
Now things are about a ba-zillion times worse, as DH talked to SD on the phone in hopes, as I had hoped, that SD would learn to actually be "respectful" when dealing with me. Well, that went very sour, very quickly. Now, SD has completely drawn her sword and twisted this all back around to make me, once again, the bad guy. My heartrate and anxiety is through the roof, I'm not sure what to do.
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