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1 of 1- Meera
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A cautionary tale
I recently had lunch with a 40 y/o daughter and her Mother. The Mother was visiting her daughter. The Mother seemed lonely and bored. This daughter's parents divorced years ago.
Later on I was having a conversation alone with the daughter and she mentioned that her Mother dated several men. She said that she did not like any of the men that her Mother dated, they were all terrible. She told her Mother that they were no good and she should break up with them. Each time the Mother complied with the daughter's directive. The daughter told me outright that she was jealous of the men her Mother dated.
I asked the daughter, "What about if your Mother had met a really great man?" to which she cut me off with "My Mother doesn't want to, she isn't interested."
I decided to let sleeping dogs lie, not my monkey's or circus but in my head I am thinking, "Uh, ok. So your Mom tried to date and each time you freaked out, got jealous and made her life a living hell to the point that she quit trying to have a relationship? Now your Mother is old, alone and lonely. The only person she has to depend on is you."
Really nice lady. She's just like my SDiablas. They would rather see their Dad alone while they go out and live their own lives than see him in love and happy with me.
Last edited by Meera (3/16/2026 9:48 pm)
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
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Re: A cautionary tale
How selfish!
On the flip side, this is what BioHo would pull with her children. It doesn't matter how good the partner is; what matters is that they take away from attention to the eternal victim.
- MorningMia
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Re: A cautionary tale
That is awful. But, sadly, not surprising.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Merry
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Re: A cautionary tale
That sounds like my SD too. She cried when DH and I got engaged. Told me that SHE will take care of him when he’s old, and he doesn’t HAVE TO marry me. (Of course now that he is older and occasionally needs help, she’s decided that she needs to distance herself from him.)
My bio daughter doesn’t particularly like her dad’s wife, but they treat each other respectfully. It doesn’t have to be a lovefest. Just decency.
- Rags
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Re: A cautionary tale
Spineless parents raise maladapted, incapable, needy, entitled adult spawn who have no clue about their place in anyone's lives including their parents' lives.
That so many parents are incapable of recognizing this is truly sad. Not to mention nauseating. I have shared many times that I won the parent lottery. If I had it in me to be this pathetic, I would go through life with my parents' collective firmly planted up my backside.
If our kid was this pathetic, I would not have much left of him to advise and parent after his mother got done with him.
How is it even possible for people to be this pathetic personally then raise their own spawn to be even worse?
Of course there are countless reasons, backgrounds, etc... but really?
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- ImperfectlyPerfect
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Re: A cautionary tale
Selfish spineless me me me daughter - never about the happiness of the mom just about herself. It all sounds SO familiar.
- Missk03
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Re: A cautionary tale
This mentality really should be studied more… Sad this woman was never able to find someone because of her daughters demands… no matter how old she is…
- MorningMia
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Re: A cautionary tale
Merry wrote:
That sounds like my SD too. She cried when DH and I got engaged. Told me that SHE will take care of him when he’s old, and he doesn’t HAVE TO marry me. (Of course now that he is older and occasionally needs help, she’s decided that she needs to distance herself from him.)
My bio daughter doesn’t particularly like her dad’s wife, but they treat each other respectfully. It doesn’t have to be a lovefest. Just decency.
My SD threw the phone across the room when she learned DH and I were dating. After our wedding, we heard she went back to the hotel and cried. She ruined all of our group wedding photos with a big purposeful POUT.
She attempted the mini-wife routine (alternating with "act like a baby") during her first few visits with us.
And we (in my family) all acted decently to our father's girlfriend who he had cheated on our mother with. My view was that I wanted my parents to be happy. Both parents recoupled and, I believe, did gain happiness. So I was good with that.
Last edited by MorningMia (3/17/2026 7:18 pm)
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Meera
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Re: A cautionary tale
"My view was that I wanted my parents to be happy."
What a novel concept. Lol, I don't think this has ever occurred to SDiablas. "Me Me Me" is all they care about.
The day we told SD's we were engaged YSD said she was having a good day until the moment she found out we were engaged. So rude.
We eloped. No SD drama.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
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Thread Starter- Rags
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Re: A cautionary tale
That is a very mature and healthy perspective Meera. Exactly what any decent person would want for their parents.
What is sad to me and not infrequent in blended situations is how so many refuse to be happy and invest not only in their own misery but in propagating that misery in every direction to assimilate as many as they can into the misery.
Rather than destroying that person and their crap, people tolerate it and worse, embrace it.
Last edited by Rags (3/30/2026 8:43 pm)
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- ESMOD
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Re: A cautionary tale
I think that part of this can actually be caused/encouraged by the parent themselves when they rely on their children to feed their own emotional needs after the divorce. We hear of the mini-wife/husband dynamic. Think of BM's who cling to their children and their role as the "girlmom/boymom"... where they set up a codependence with their children. It can stem from unresolved loss feelings of desertion or betrayal from their ex.. over the divorce. You know the kind of thing.. the mom has kids sleeping her bed etc..
So, when the kids grow up... and mom is all "oh.. now it's MY time".. the kids are not so enthusiastic.. because they see that potential partner as stepping on their turf. They have been taking care of their parent's feelings and are protective.
Of course, you also throw in the spectre of estate planning and a kid seeing that obviously that new partner may end up stepping in line for some resources they thought would be theirs in the end.. I mean... I kind of can understand.. but in the end.. would hope my parents would live their happiest life.